sighs to hell

Had another tiff last night. Over a stupid plate of unfinished rice which I left in the stupid tudung saji on the stupid kitchen table. Stupid right? Told him that I was gonna finish it later but he just went on nagging about some shit without even bothering to listen to my explanation. What did I do? Threw away the rice lah, no mood to finish it. Mum knew I was pissed off because I didnt say anything else to defend myself. Locked myself, and three other innocent victims (lela, ati and tim who was already locked in his cage) in my sister's room to watch singapore idol. Too tired to argue with him. Cant be bothered. I know lah this is his house but why does he have to treat his daughters like we're just renting a room in that house?

Its not my fault. I didnt create the ever enlarging rift between us in the first place. If you ask me, im a decent daughter but in his eyes, in his warped mind, im the most rebellious and stubborn daughter. And for all of us, including the relatives, he's the stubborn and unreasonable one but he just refuses to admit or acknowledge this fact. He's always right and other people are always wrong.

Its so easy to hate him, so very easy to do it. Maybe Ive been harbouring it all these years. I know, I know, he's family but he just doesnt want to understand us. I've tried my best to understand him. Heck, you should know that there's countless times when I just shutup and let him talk but it doesn't make sense at all. In the end, I'll still be pissed off because he WONT LISTEN. He never does. And he gets jealous every time Mum and I go out together. He says we're plotting something against him. Yar, like what? To overthrow his government? Crazy. And he says we don't love him. Haiz, how do you love someone who you cant understand. Someone who's never supportive, someone who thinks you're never good enough, someone who never gives you a chance to explore the world. Its like I've been fighting a battle all my life and the most crucial one is with him.

Yeah, I admit I do get jealous of people who are close to their dads. Like last week, when I saw a girl walking side by side with her dad, talking and laughing about something, it makes me think. Why cant we be like that? Why cant we have a normal conversation without either one of us sulking away or storming off in the opposite direction? Sometimes I feel like we're some sort of enemies, preparing for war. Well, one day, there will be a big war. And someone will be stepping out of the house for good.

Yes, I will make it in life, with or without his support. Heck, Ive made it through poly without his support so yar, hope I can keep on doing it. Hope one day he realizes that he's not always right. Once again, its not my fault. I've tried my best and now im not going to be bothered anymore. Its not worth fighting a battle which I will lose anyway. Im not going to try to piece the puzzle. I'll leave that job to my sisters. Have fun figuring out the old man, guys.
Wish you luck.
Lots of it.