STUPID ASSHOLE

FUCK LAH, berape byk bende seh kene buat? Mcm satu buku aku kene compile, mcm budak bodoh lagi ade. Buat darah naik ajer. Slalu mcm nie tau, kasi info lambat pastu nak aku abiskan cepat2, dah tu byk bende lain tangguh. Campur ngan keje lain yg belum abis edit ngan bende baru yang die nak suro aku habiskan, plus nie, plus tu, bile nak game sial. abeh next mnth nak ajak pegi luar negeri, kalau macam nie, kirim salam sudah, lebih baik aku duduk tercongok depan computer nie habiskan back log smue. kalau pegi pun tambah kan lagi keje aku, kalau ade orang tolong takpe, nie tak,asik kasi, kasi, kasi. lame2 pun aku kasi mampos lah. Seriously lah, kalau otak aku senget eh, da lame aku humban komputer ni kat luar tingkap. ingat aku nie robot kaper? takyah nak rest hari enam ngan hari minggu. ckp senang ar, suro aku bagi mase betul2, kalau da asik masuk dlm in tray aku, mcm mane nak arrange time betul2, dahlah aku buat smue sorg2..

tak cukup ngan lecture pasal time management, tambah pulak kene makan betul2, kene ade sosial life,kene kluar tengok tempat tu, tengok design nie. CI-BAI. yes, that's all i can say. Orang mmg tau ckp, tapi nak buat ingat senang ke aper. Bile aku pikir ade time free, bende lain crop up. Might as well just ask me to work 24/7 right? might as well tell me to move in here and dont need to go back right? then kalau tak cukup ngan tu, biar aku pack semue bende aku, tukar name, tukar address to office one right?

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once again, thanks for reminding me that i have no social life..

defeated

im sorry.i cant help it.too much is going on.too much to take into account.too much to think about.im sorry it came out.more sorry since i dont know the reason for it.im sorry im giving up.so sorry that i cant.im retreating back there.im sorry if i cant go out.im not going out.im sorry im not feeling well.up there.in there.everywhere.im just so damn sorry.

im going there,dont now why,but i am. dis appear. leav ing.

Cogito, ergo sum baby...

I just heard a super lame joke on the radio which is really hilarious due to its lameness...hahahaha. haiz, im laughing alone again...yeah, pathetic, i know..

Anyway, this OT proposal is looking good. Initially i dont know what the hell to design and how to gel everything as per the concept boss has proposed. Of course, she always discusses with me but it didnt sink in at all and i felt like banging my head on the keyboard for the past week. But now, i've gotta say im kind of proud of it..somehow, subconsciously, i have made everything work as per our theme. Or maybe boss is too lenient this time. Ah, heck lah, it looks nice to me. The only thing left now are the 3ds from our other partners. Due to my mediocre 3d skills (im serious, luit might have a heart attack seeing the ones i've done), boss has to ask the guys in manila to do the 3d for me. Yalah, paiseh, i know, but i still cant get the hang of 3ds max. Maybe i've mentally resisted understanding 3d software?? Maybe its all in the mind, like, I think therefore i am.. hmmmm..

It got me thinking. Why do we tend to wallow in self pity? Why the self loathing, why self deprecate, why do we let the negative and demoralising comments people made to us, make us want to give up and hate ourselves? Im not referring to anyone here, these are just some of the things i do to myself sometimes, oklah, all the time... But seriously, i keep saying that i dont give a shithole about what people say, but inside, i keep thinking that somehow it'd be better off to walk off as im tired of trying to live up to people's expectations. Of course, work is more of an obligation, you are expected to excel or do better after every job, but people think its just a snap of the finger. Come on lah, you cant expect me to absorb everything in one go, experience sometimes takes a while to be absorbed and understood kan? And so many things happen at the same time, sometimes, its all jumbled up and i wont even remember what's what, or even what that day of the week is.

And i still dont understand why the hell did i choose design as a career. Sure, i told everyone who asked that design is my first choice and that i want to be a designer, but that's just a mantra that i've been repeating to myself, in order to believe that this is what i want. There you go, i've spilled the beans out here...hopefully i can sleep better at night..but yar, Why Di, Why? Maybe i wanted to be different from the others (friends in secondary sch). But other contributing factors are my grades were only average, my maths sucks, i cant stand science and please dont talk to me about business strategies and whatnots... Haiz, i think its fate. Whatever it is, im just going to keep on going with the flow. Something will come out of it, everything that's happened has made me a bit stronger and also more aware of Man's thinking and action. Cheh...act chim pulak.....

Hey, even though we didnt have the freedom to go out with friends or hang around after school or join my aunt on trips to malaysia, i've realised that we have been given the freedom to choose what we want to be, to decide for ourselves what is right or wrong and to be comfortable being ourselves. I guess there's always a reason for why parents didik(what's the english word again) you the way they do. Wow, i have been slowly understanding the reason behind some of the things my parents did..

tired...im soo tired....

emoooooooo nyer

Was in a cab this morning from bedok mrt when along bedok road,i saw the aftermath of an accident when the cab drove past. A black car had run over the traffic light at the junction and was halfway up the curb where people usually stand. The front windows were smashed, the traffic light pole was lying on its side. And then there was the pool of blood on the road. My guts suddenly did some serious twisting and turning. No, i didnt feel like vomitting, just that feeling of, of ngeri-ness suddenly gripped me. And i think i held my breath for a few minutes.

Was the driver drunk? Did the driver have any passenger on board? I bet his/her life was flashing right in front of his/her eyes. Cliche i know. But maybe at times like those times, maybe they have no time to even think of anything else other than crashing into whatever it is they're crashing into. And sometimes it crossed my mind, when im rushing into the cab to site meetings or to the landlord's offices...

what if...?

Scary but inevitable, we will expire in the end.

" Dont worry about forgetting. Because only your head forgets, but your heart does not... "

Memories, be it good or bad. And i think my heart does remember. That's why it aches everytime. Aiya, so melodramatic...

So did i blogged about the recently opened Kopitiam at Hougang Mall? No? Well, it looks nice, but there's something missing. Of course lah, they forego the fabric glass box screens, which pissed me off like hell, and also the stupid s/s guy did his own thing with the detailing of the fabric glass columns, which pissed my Boss like hell. I dont know, i cant quite put my finger on what's missing but boss says its the experience that's missing.

Anyway, i finally watched kaer's video izinkan ku pergi, actually,watched snippets of it on tv3 but the picture reception was fucked up as usual. That song is bloody freaking sad and lovely. I cant say its sappy because its not, and the mv suits the song perfectly. Simple and yet, ish, cant describe it in words, its that sense of lost that's so overwhelming. So since im feeling emo tonight, here's the english translation of Full house's song Why/Fate/Oon Myung? The malay version sung by izwan pilus is crap, sorry to say so but he made the song sound so pop-ish and happy happy joy joy it makes me want to puke., its a sad song damn it...

I don't really know love
I didn't know It'd come like this
I can't seem to control my heart when it comes to love
I wouldn't have started if I knew It'd be like this
Now that It's too late to turn back, I'm having regrets

I hoped you wouldn't be loved
I hoped that you wouldn't be my love
I told myself I didn't love you
I hoped we were just passing acquaintances
Because all i'll have left is pain
But even so, I want you
It's making me sad

A wrong start.
That's all I saw it as.
I believed I could let you go any time
I don't know what went wrong
I have to avoid your love
But I long for you

I hoped you wouldn't be loved
I hoped that you wouldn't be my love
I told myself I didn't love you
I hoped we were just passin acquaintances
Because all i'll have left is pain
But even so, I want you
It's making me sad

Now I'm nothing without you
I can't do anything about it
Knowing that I must erase you...
Makes my life harder.


ahhhh..i cant believe this entry has turned into a sappy-emo-whatever you call it entry...this sucks..oh chester, chester..wherefore art thou chester..

and sooo

Had my monthly much anticipated late night rendezvous with her Highness 2 nights ago. As usual, being the fickle heads that we were, after 5 mins of the usual hellos and what nots, we launched into the 'i dont know, where do you feel like you want to eat?' song. Of course, that will last about 10 mins or so depending on how many good eateries there were at that place. And also on how hungry we were. Last2, we had our dinner at the prawn noodle shop which Adeq and me love to frequent. But i had the wanton noodles instead...wth...

So the conversation during dinner had a climax, she revealed that her mum was already 7 months pregnant. I think the look on my face was priceless at that moment. It was unexpected, she said. Her parents were happy lah, her dad esctatic but her bro who's getting married, or actually, bersanding later this month was shocked and maybe not quite happy. Says that the parents purposely planned this to happen when its so near his wedding day. Wtf right? How can you purposely plan to be pregnant on that exact month? Bodoh nak mampus seh, and very selfish indeed. If i was her Highness, i would have said this...

"oh, grow up, you're a man, BE A MAN and be independent you lazy bummer, etc, etc" (the etc are all the expletives and harsh words which i dare not say cos i respect her Highness therefore i wont talk bad about her brother)

Of course lah, he works but then the wedding expenses, almost all of it the parents and her Highness yang chip in. Free wedding kaper? God, guys nowadays are so hopeless. Gatal nak kawin tapi tanak support diri sendiri. What? Are you going to live with your parents forever? Nak duduk bawah ketiak mak ko forever? Tsk, tsk. tsk.

Anyway, back to the topic at hand, her Highness was quite worried about the age gap but she's cool with having a kid brother. I think she's already setting aside money for the monster..hehe..They havent choosen a name yet...And when i told my mum about the news, she was adamant that we let her have another baby. The thing is, she had 2 miscarriages for the past 2 years, and also i think the workload contributes to the factor that makes it difficult for her to sangkut. Oookaaayyy, i'll stop here cos its abit weird blogging about this issue...sheesh..

I thought she was over him but no, she still thinks of him and he still wants her back. But she cant trust him anymore. And she still got the cheeks to tell me to have more exposure, so that i can find one. I looked at her and posed the same question and she ended up laughing. We're in the same boat. It's work and then home. And the men that i see/talk to/discuss with are all old men...so..how? Haiz, like what i told my mum a hundred times before, i've got to ask chester to propose asap....;p

hi ho

i've had a few more disturbing dreams, maybe its due to the recent going-home-on-time schedule. Not that im complaining (about going home on time), just that its the beginning of all the late nights again, next 2 months going to be hell, again. Well, no surprises right?

Its a sad thing indeed to have your boss ban you from wearing your favourite pair of skinny jeans to work, and then to add to the misery, she then says your feet are like chicken feet, with a straight face. No, im not insulted, but I DO NOT HAVE CHICKEN FEET, right? Right??

And another sad thing is when your mum keeps telling you to eat and even suggesting that you take vitamins and what-nots to boost your appetite and weight. Do i look like a 6 year old to eat all those kinds of pills??

How to gain weight in such a short time span? man, i dont want to think about it.