Its been awhile since i dreamt, but that day, it was more like a nightmare. I dreamt a dentist with crazy eyes, well, oklah, a cute dentist, was chain sawing my teeth, the whole set of the lower jaw!! Impossible, no? Well, the chainsaw thingy was in a penknife size and he was sawing my teeth all around, almost touching my gums by a mm. And he keeps saying in that nagging voice that my teeth cant be used anymore, and there's nothing else he can do but to saw it off. And he assures me that he wont hurt my gums. All the while i was sobbing and crying, because
1) i know i would look horrifying without teeth. Eww..Bogeh..
2) i was freaking out as the chainsaw thingy was soo close to my gums
And i think he did saw off a bit of my gums and blood was oozing and i started to scream a silent scream, and he was smiling and still sawing and then everything went blank. The next thing i knew, i woke up and was scratching my legs like hell.Ape lagi, mozz fest lah. The part where he was sawing my teeth, macam dalam filem. The whole damn time in the nightmare, i was looking at him from inside my throat and seeing him, my teeth and the bloody chainsaw. Urgh...this must be due to that mirrormask show i watched just before i went to sleep. It wasnt a horror show, more like a fantasy, surrealist kind of thing. Sheesh..
Anyway, im still down with flu, my head still hurts and hingus meleleh like a broken tap, only on the left nose plak tu..malu seh, macam budak kecik. Actually, i wanted to blog about something else too but i forgot what it is...Cheh......
Friday, June 29, 2007
Thursday, June 14, 2007
i think im sloowwllyy deteriorating
i think im slowly decomposing, rotting, deteriorating or maybe slowly disappearing. My gums are bleeding, my hair loss is suspiciously on high mode, my stomach is, well i dont want to talk about this and my flesh, haiz....im on the verge of being labelled emaciated...i think if i weigh myself, i'll find that im 40kg, ok, ok, 42kg the least. So if im 42kg and im about 1.52m ht, is that considered underweight?
Its not that i lost appetite, its just that i have no mood. yes, i get hungry almost every 2 hrs but no mood to eat.
And im damn tired of singing this same damn tune. Its the same thing everyday. Sometimes i think that im not me anymore. Sometimes i feel like there are things crawling on my face and arms. Some times i feel like not waking up at all, just to be in a deep slumber. They have taken away my dreams, its gone, every night is just a blank 6-7 hour phase.
I dont know. Do you know? Putting up colors when you know that in reality at the bottom of the well its all black and murky. Its very frustrating actually. And the line between desire and need is blurring. i dont know what to think anymore.
plus 2 minus 2 but plus 2 again and so there's gonna be more plus's with false promises of minuses until one fine day i'll drop dead and that will be the day when minus is mine and its forever.
Urgh... the horror......
p.s: Just now W told me that there's no more 6, so i laughed cos i kind of thought it was an april fool's joke(??) but then i felt like throwing out the damn metal scrap when i have to do up 2 instead. Thanks man.
p.p.s: erm..basket, i forgot what i wanted to write...
p.p.p.s: Oh yar, if one day i read back on this, i wont bloody hell understand what i wrote, at all...
Its not that i lost appetite, its just that i have no mood. yes, i get hungry almost every 2 hrs but no mood to eat.
And im damn tired of singing this same damn tune. Its the same thing everyday. Sometimes i think that im not me anymore. Sometimes i feel like there are things crawling on my face and arms. Some times i feel like not waking up at all, just to be in a deep slumber. They have taken away my dreams, its gone, every night is just a blank 6-7 hour phase.
I dont know. Do you know? Putting up colors when you know that in reality at the bottom of the well its all black and murky. Its very frustrating actually. And the line between desire and need is blurring. i dont know what to think anymore.
plus 2 minus 2 but plus 2 again and so there's gonna be more plus's with false promises of minuses until one fine day i'll drop dead and that will be the day when minus is mine and its forever.
Urgh... the horror......
p.s: Just now W told me that there's no more 6, so i laughed cos i kind of thought it was an april fool's joke(??) but then i felt like throwing out the damn metal scrap when i have to do up 2 instead. Thanks man.
p.p.s: erm..basket, i forgot what i wanted to write...
p.p.p.s: Oh yar, if one day i read back on this, i wont bloody hell understand what i wrote, at all...
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
Happy birthday
HAPPY 'a-few-more-years-to-being-50' BIRTHDAY MAK!!!! Love you lots, pray for your good health always and hope you wont be so stressed out all the time. Please dont think too much, i hate seeing you all stressed and sad. Sometimes i wish i could give you anything you want, especially peace of mind, but sadly im not that strong enough, or clever enough, or resourceful enough. But i'll always be here to listen to you whenever, wherever....love you...
Friday, June 08, 2007
wedding aftermath
To the person who stole that money, i dont care how desperate you are, or how fucked up your life is, so much so that you had to resort to stealing. All i know is, your life wont be easy from now on, balasan di akhirat lagi teruk. Jadi, selamat lah ko pompuan...
FYI, my cousin's dowry/duit hantaran of $5k was stolen on sunday by this lady who pretended to be the bride's friend. We didnt know the bride put the money (still in its frame!!) in her wedding rm's cupboard, unlocked (the cupboard lah ngok), if not, we wouldn't have let people go in. That devil must have stolen it when my eldest cousin was in her room, freshening up. She came in 2 more times afterwards, to steal other stuff pulak lah but then my aunt, Mama, was in. And the 3rd time, my mum and i was in, she was shocked when she saw us, was already on her way to the wedding rm. She made excuses that she wanted warm water. Made small talk with us saying that she just came back from the groom's side. Wore a shawl, all covered up, with jeans.
YES, why didnt we get the hint??? Why would a friend come back to the majlis after following to the party at the groom's side, takde makne kan? And then, why is she dressed so shabbily? Its a wedding for God's sake!!! And the shawl!!! It was a freaking hot sunday afternoon. Haiz, all of us were too exhausted and our minds were occupied with the majlis until we werent alert at all. So careless. I really pity Mak itam, Kak yan and Abg Alal. We thought everything was going fine(well, except for the stupid DJ for the karaoke, update after this).
So, a note, reminder, to those people who have weddings coming up, PLEASE KEEP YOUR MONEY, JEWELRY, IN A SAFE PLACE, ALL LOCKED UP, AND DONT LET PEOPLE YOU DONT KNOW GO IN YOUR ROOM, ESPECIALLY THE WEDDING ROOM WITHOUT YOU FOLLOWING THEM , BREATHING DOWN THEIR NECK...so careless...
The wedding itself was kecoh.. time nikah, the pelamin people didnt turn up to add the fresh flowers at the pelamin in the house, so it looks bare in the photos (stupid idiotic pelamin ppl). And when the bride and groom came down after taking pictures, the pelamin downstairs was also incomplete,with no chairs and fresh flowers. Can you imagine what the newlyweds must have felt? The bloody buggers only came at around 12 plus to finish up the decor..AFTER THE PICTURE TAKING....HAIZ.
So anyway, people came non stop on sat and sun, so we, the kendarat cousins had A LOT OF WORK. What i hated was the behaviour of one of my aunts clique, a bunch of old farts and tarts who came for the karaoke. They sing dangdut all the way, never letting other people sing, eat like pigs, drink like pigs, and then never helped out at all. And most of the old tarts are MAKCIK TUDUNG!!! They continued this foolish behaviour on sunday too!!! The old tarts went in front and DANCED FOR THE WHOLE BLOODY WORLD TO SEE!!!!. I SERIOUSLY FELT LIKE GOUGING MY EYES OUT AND WASHING IT IN THE KITCHEN AND BLOCKING MY EAR DRUMS WITH GLUE. FUCK SEH, YOUR SINGING IS ATROCIOUS AND YOUR DANCING IS LIKE ORANG DA NAK MAMPUS, DONT GET ME STARTED ON YOUR LOOKS AND BEHAVIOUR.
Please lah makcik, awak tu semua bertudung, tapi tergelek-gelek depan budak-budak kalahkan penari Silver Tortoise. YOU MAKE ME SICK!!! BLLLEEEAAAARRRGHHHHH....
But still, it was an unforgettable event, and yeah, i think i look cool in lime green songket. i really stood out among all the other cousins and my sisters...hehehe, but too bad i looked exhausted with eyebags and crappy hair... i think i will be posting the pictures soon....TUNGGU.......
FYI, my cousin's dowry/duit hantaran of $5k was stolen on sunday by this lady who pretended to be the bride's friend. We didnt know the bride put the money (still in its frame!!) in her wedding rm's cupboard, unlocked (the cupboard lah ngok), if not, we wouldn't have let people go in. That devil must have stolen it when my eldest cousin was in her room, freshening up. She came in 2 more times afterwards, to steal other stuff pulak lah but then my aunt, Mama, was in. And the 3rd time, my mum and i was in, she was shocked when she saw us, was already on her way to the wedding rm. She made excuses that she wanted warm water. Made small talk with us saying that she just came back from the groom's side. Wore a shawl, all covered up, with jeans.
YES, why didnt we get the hint??? Why would a friend come back to the majlis after following to the party at the groom's side, takde makne kan? And then, why is she dressed so shabbily? Its a wedding for God's sake!!! And the shawl!!! It was a freaking hot sunday afternoon. Haiz, all of us were too exhausted and our minds were occupied with the majlis until we werent alert at all. So careless. I really pity Mak itam, Kak yan and Abg Alal. We thought everything was going fine(well, except for the stupid DJ for the karaoke, update after this).
So, a note, reminder, to those people who have weddings coming up, PLEASE KEEP YOUR MONEY, JEWELRY, IN A SAFE PLACE, ALL LOCKED UP, AND DONT LET PEOPLE YOU DONT KNOW GO IN YOUR ROOM, ESPECIALLY THE WEDDING ROOM WITHOUT YOU FOLLOWING THEM , BREATHING DOWN THEIR NECK...so careless...
The wedding itself was kecoh.. time nikah, the pelamin people didnt turn up to add the fresh flowers at the pelamin in the house, so it looks bare in the photos (stupid idiotic pelamin ppl). And when the bride and groom came down after taking pictures, the pelamin downstairs was also incomplete,with no chairs and fresh flowers. Can you imagine what the newlyweds must have felt? The bloody buggers only came at around 12 plus to finish up the decor..AFTER THE PICTURE TAKING....HAIZ.
So anyway, people came non stop on sat and sun, so we, the kendarat cousins had A LOT OF WORK. What i hated was the behaviour of one of my aunts clique, a bunch of old farts and tarts who came for the karaoke. They sing dangdut all the way, never letting other people sing, eat like pigs, drink like pigs, and then never helped out at all. And most of the old tarts are MAKCIK TUDUNG!!! They continued this foolish behaviour on sunday too!!! The old tarts went in front and DANCED FOR THE WHOLE BLOODY WORLD TO SEE!!!!. I SERIOUSLY FELT LIKE GOUGING MY EYES OUT AND WASHING IT IN THE KITCHEN AND BLOCKING MY EAR DRUMS WITH GLUE. FUCK SEH, YOUR SINGING IS ATROCIOUS AND YOUR DANCING IS LIKE ORANG DA NAK MAMPUS, DONT GET ME STARTED ON YOUR LOOKS AND BEHAVIOUR.
Please lah makcik, awak tu semua bertudung, tapi tergelek-gelek depan budak-budak kalahkan penari Silver Tortoise. YOU MAKE ME SICK!!! BLLLEEEAAAARRRGHHHHH....
But still, it was an unforgettable event, and yeah, i think i look cool in lime green songket. i really stood out among all the other cousins and my sisters...hehehe, but too bad i looked exhausted with eyebags and crappy hair... i think i will be posting the pictures soon....TUNGGU.......
Friday, June 01, 2007
Shutupbitch
I.AM.SO.DELIRIOUSLY.EXTREMELY.
UNDENIABLY. FUCKING. PISSED.OFF.
RIGHT NOW.
"Given Up"
Wake in a sweat again
Another day's been laid to waste
In my disgrace
Stuck in my head again
Feels like I'll never leave this place
There's no escape
I'm my own worst enemy
[chorus]
I've given up
I'm sick of feeling
Is there nothing you can say
Take this all the way
I'm suffocating
Tell me what the fuck is wrong
With me
I don't know what to take
Thought I was focused but Im scared
I'm not prepared
I hyperventilate
Looking for help somehow somewhere
And no one cares
I'm my own worst enemy
I've given up
I'm sick of feeling
Is there nothing you can say
Take this all the way
I'm suffocating
Tell me what the fuck is wrong
With me
Goddddddd!!!!
Put me out of my misery
Put me out of my misery
Put me out of my
Put me out of my fucking misery
I've given up
I'm sick of feeling
Is there nothing you can say
Take this all the way
I'm suffocating
Tell me what the fuck is wrong
With me
PS:thank God for LP.
UNDENIABLY. FUCKING. PISSED.OFF.
RIGHT NOW.
"Given Up"
Wake in a sweat again
Another day's been laid to waste
In my disgrace
Stuck in my head again
Feels like I'll never leave this place
There's no escape
I'm my own worst enemy
[chorus]
I've given up
I'm sick of feeling
Is there nothing you can say
Take this all the way
I'm suffocating
Tell me what the fuck is wrong
With me
I don't know what to take
Thought I was focused but Im scared
I'm not prepared
I hyperventilate
Looking for help somehow somewhere
And no one cares
I'm my own worst enemy
I've given up
I'm sick of feeling
Is there nothing you can say
Take this all the way
I'm suffocating
Tell me what the fuck is wrong
With me
Goddddddd!!!!
Put me out of my misery
Put me out of my misery
Put me out of my
Put me out of my fucking misery
I've given up
I'm sick of feeling
Is there nothing you can say
Take this all the way
I'm suffocating
Tell me what the fuck is wrong
With me
PS:thank God for LP.
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