Work

I worked on Labour Day.

And now i have to work on Vesak Day.

Next thing you know, i'll be working on all the holidays.

Or actually 24/7 EVERYDAY, for the rest of my life.

Sick leave doesnt count, im not resting at home, im trying to recuperate. Its a totally different thing altogether.

So i only have 4 days in a month,

4 fucking measly days of

freedom,

relaxation,

watching tv,

napping at noon,

eating all the junk food at home,

wathing cartoons and music videos,

listening to the radio,

talking to my family,

acting like a retard at home to make the 2 beruks laugh,

making fun of my mum,

going over to my aunts' house,

eating out with my friends,

going shopping with my family or friends,

lazing around,

cooking something up for lunch

reading a book

etc

etc

etc....

Well folks, that sums up my life now....

OIII!!!!!!!!

BILE MAU GAME LAH?????

2 BLOODY FREAKING WEEKS ALREADY U KNOW??

I CANT TAHAN ANYMORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ps: i wish i can write the bitch's name here,sadly, im not that kind of person. But im praying she might choke on the pork balls and .... . DIE BITCH DIE!!!!!!

4 more days.

im so excited,nervous, happy.

Anyway,im bored...of work...I want to go back to school..Plllleeeeeeaaaaaaseee........

Somebody save me...

Ps:LP ROCKS!!!!!!

PPs:i just got a call from my MD. Dey, brape banyak kali nak edit lah...penat siol....

Who me??

6 more days to go and i have a lot to finish up....BOOOOOO...

Anyway, she said im full of contradictions. Am i? Or am i just fickle and muddle headed? They say you know yourself better than others but im not really sure. I just cant seem to make up my mind. Lately, its crazy. Im stuck in a phase where i want to move forward but i keep turning back, hesitant to take that step. Good God, i've had this monologue before.....

So....hmmm...oklah, oklah, i confess, this entry is pointless, i just want to see how good it looks with the new skin...hahaha...Ciao.

LP review

I've gotta admit, it took me 3 listens (2 listens were full blast it almost deafened me) to finally proudly declare that Linkin Park's 3rd album is worth buying. Dont ask me how i got the full songs on my mp3, just know that i will get the album soon, when im not broke.

Back to the songs, i was so disappointed and really annoyed when i first heard the songs. I felt betrayed and cheated. I asked myself, ' Why LP, Why are you doing this?' It sounds so pop, mellow, kind of like what you've heard of from the new bands which are popping out like mushrooms after a rainy day.

But when i really, really listened to it, while letting go of my expectations and also what i have heard from them, it starts to sound good. LP really reinvented (i think), and came out with something fresh. My darling Chester's voice is more deeper, sounds like he's growling most of the time (which is very hot) and there's loads of screaming on his part. I like it that there's not much rapping. And the guitars were good. One song even sounded like a malay song due to the guitar solo, though i cant quite remember the title. My favourite is Given Up, cos Chaz screams a lot, alamak, so super duper hot lah his voice.

Though im not totally bonkers over this album, its still worth buying and its still LP, so yeah, im gonna get it...Woot....Hmm, maybe i should ask boss for $20 advance...;p

On a sidenote, i had a weird conversation with our stone supplier that day...

E: Are you married?
Me: (pause for 1 minute before looking at E incredulously) Me? Im only 21!
E: Who knows, a lot of people nowadays are already married at 18 or so.
Me: well, hmm,yar ar...
E: so you have boyfriend?
Me: (DING,DING,DING, 100th person mark) No, dont have one and dont have time to look for one. Im getting MD (boss) to look for me.
E: WHAT? MD got time meh to look for you? In that case i'll also ask her to look for girlfriend for me...haha
Me: ahahaha....(oookaayy...)
----a bit of blah, blah, yada,yada...----
E: Oklah, im going off now, if i stay or drop by longer i might end up being your boyfriend...
ahaha
Me: hahaha...(What the fuck??!!)

Even though he said it jokingly, it struck deep within my soul and led me to think over and over again. Am i resigning myself to working like this everyday? i might just end up like them, not married and no boyfriend...NOOOOOOOO.......and i might end up marrying an OLDER GUY.......erghhh...mintak2 janganlah aku kawin orang tua....but jodoh maut di tangan tuhan...

haiz....i've gotta go stalk Chester and force him to make me his 2nd wife or else mum will marry me off to an old man....ewwww....

Love...

Dear
I apologise, it has been awhile since i thought of you. Its not that you never crossed my mind, its just that lately, i have been occupied with so many things, well... ok, fine, one thing only which is work. But really, its not my fault since you disappeared without a trace and i heard no news from you at all.

I remember the first time i saw you. Actually, i heard your voice first before seeing you. It was during literature class in sec 2, my best buddy and i were doing our work when i heard you. Frankly speaking, i was annoyed at first. But then, something happened. I felt that i could connect with what you were saying. Yes, at that point of time, i was quite the temperamental one. Hormones. What more can you expect from a 14 year old? Anyway, when i saw your face, it was LOVE at first sight. Never have i seen a person who can look geeky but so hot at the same time. FYI, im drooling right now...;p

Since then, i tried to follow your every move and listened to every word you said, in between coping with all the things that happened at home and school. You were always there for me, and you dont know what an impact you left in my life. But as exhilarating as it is to hear your voice, its also such a bummer to know that you already have someone else...Sigh...

Anyway, i should be glad since i finally saw you after almost a year or two of disappearance. And i am not ashamed to say that i wanted to faint when i say you with the new haircut and style. Heee.... after all these years, i still go gaga over you...

The thing is, I just want you to know that my feelings for you will never ever change, you are and will always be my first love, even though you're already taken. You always have my back, man. Keep on being cool. I know you may not be able to read this, ever....but stilll......i cant resist it whenever i hear your voice or see your face..........

Dear.......i just wanna say......

i LOVE YOU SOO MUCH CHESTER CHARLES(?) BENNINGTON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(to the owner of the pic, sorry, i just had to use this pic cos my darling looks so yummy)

Mother's Day

dear Mak,
tomorrow (or sunday?) is Mother's day. I dont know how we're going to celebrate it with you since i might be coming home late and then 3rd Uncle has the kenduri or something(or maybe he wants us to buy his stupid products). Anyway, frankly speaking, i wont know how to wish you a proper mother's day wish without breaking into tears as if someone died. So here we go...

HAPPY MOTHER's DAY MAK. I love you soo much. I know you have gone through a lot to raise us 4 beruks. I know you have had fights with dad over the freedom limit that he sets for us. I know that you had to work to help dad to support us all. I know you wished you could give us everything, if you could. Even though it iritates me a lot that you always, always sms asking me where i am when you already know im still at work, deep down inside, i know you just want to know that im safe and sound.

Haha, even though you say you dont do favouritism, which i know you dont, i KNOW you love me the most since im the oldest...;p..hah, what i meant is that we relate more to each other, we click. You know when im hungry, what i want to eat, how i will react to stuff, etc,etc. And you always laugh at my jokes even when they're lame, because you're lame too..hehe..haiz...i've loads to write mak, but maybe its better if i say this to you in person. Its more meaningful.

Somehow, this day reminds me of the last day we celebrated Mother's Day with arwah nenek. i miss her very single day. I wished she was still here, so that i have someone to talk to and who will listen to whatever i say without judging me. May Allah bless her soul. Amin.

......................................................

exhausted.tired.angry.pissed off.deprived of sleep.deprived of sanity.mentally tired.extremely sad.low morale.

i wanted to write a lot of things here but im really, really, exhausted. The past few weeks, or rather month, has really drained my soul dry. i couldnt help it but to let it all out just now. i didnt force it out like the last time, it just happened. a REAL nervous breakdown.

well let's just bloody hope that i dont end up in a psychiatric ward (which is a big probability by the way) in the next few weeks to come.

and lets just say that for the hundredth time, i really felt like jumping out the bayshore balcony.

serious.

and for fuck's sake, please dont fucking ask me what or how i eat at work. Please lah, im sick and tired of that question.