And it was gone after a flurry of writings on the wall

Words cant describe how absolutely pissed off i am right now with almost everyone and everything. The bloody office computer has lost its mind (and also the scanner software in its system) and it keeps hanging whenever i try to get to the non existent scanner. Photoshops' not helping either, what with the scanner broke, it decided to go ding dong as well. Everyone is chasing me for stuff and the datelines are ridiculously back to back, shoulder to shoulder, ear to ear. Damn it, im not a freaking robot, man.

And that idiot keeps chasing me for drawings and asking what's next. Bloody fuck, you have a mouth, you ask the MD lah, why are you asking me? Menyebok aje bile orang tengah nak siapkan presentation boards. Lepas tu ade hati cakap ngan aku yang die tak nak buat double work. Like WHEN THE FUCK HAVE YOU EVER DONE DOUBLE JOB??? You just helped out like 3 weeks ago, and most of the dwgs are churned out by MOI or by other people since you dont know how to use autocad. And your bloody shithole of a friend is still in Dubai. Blood pressure my foot. Kene heart attack betul2 karang, baru padan muke kau. Nak menipu ajer. Dasar babi hutan betul lah.

Some times you wonder who these people really are....and then you realise that, it just doesnt matter..

i feel like calling and talking, venting out everything but its just so selfish to ask that from people. Bile ade masalah, baru nak datang melalak pat member, tapi bile takde problem, tak msg pun member. Haiz, i dont want to be like that. Too clingy and dependant. But its just soo frustrating. I wish i could put all this madness, anger, sadness, weariness and emptiness into a bottle and smash it on the floor. SO. VERY. TIRING. I feel like tearing my hair but its gugur level is high so i guess its useless to do so. I feel like smashing my head on the wall and stamping my feet on the ground in the hopes of it opening up and swallowing me whole. And what i mostly want to do is go home to mum and sit beside her and cry. Cry like how i did in primary school when i was sick but tried to pretend it was ok. Cry like when i failed my maths and had to face dad to ask for his signature on my report book. Cry when i cant get what i want. Cry when im very angry and cant do anything about it. Cry when people turn on me due to some misunderstanding.

Sometimes you wish you were still 5 and that the only problems you had were how to finish the veggies on your plate or which toy you should play with today.

At other times, you just wish you were somewhere else, doing something else..

&^$&$$&^^(*&(*&(*(*&*$%@#$@$%_+)(_(

I am SO FUCKING PISSED OFF!!!!!

2 pm's are making my life like crap. one pm went off for a break in the middle of all this storm, saying that he will still give support (support my bloody ass!!) when he left everything halfway and i have to take the blame for not following up, and another pm, the client's pm (the racist bastard of an asshole, the spawn of Satan, the scum from hell, the sick pathetic being who finds it fun to make a big hoo ha out of a small mistake) is shooting daggers at me from the back and front. Fuck you bastards, i've had enough of

A) people taking me for granted. i've helped you a lot and now you're abandoning me? fuck you bastard, i hope you soemthing bad happens to you.

B) people misunderstanding me and then making such a big fuss like as if i had poisoned some important person. Fuck you, butoh, cibai, kanasai, nabey, faggot, babi, sundal, *&%&%^#(&^%... This pm, i wish a LOT OF BAD THINGS WILL HAPPEN TO HIM!!!

1.hope he chokes on pork meat/bone/snout, that will remind people of what kind of aperson he is, a bloody pig.i think pigs cant be compared to him, he's lower than that.

2.gets hit by a rubbish truck, same reason as above.

3. gets struck by lighting, since he will be burnt, that shows how black his heart already is.

But what i really want to do to these assholes is to break their bones into pieces, stomp on them, put their bones into the blender and then throw it out the window. Damn it, bastards lah these men. But of course, im still sane, i wont resort to that. i just wish that one pm doesnt get married at all, while the other pm, hmm..hope his wife runs off with another man and that his children will not want to live or acknowledge him for the rest of his life. i pray to god, sincerely, that his children wont turn out like him in the future.

I LOVE CHESTER!!!

I went through the pictures of my friends in friendster. Those 'friends' whom i have not kept in touch with for so long, well, except for Dayah of course. I bet that if we were to have a gathering of some sort, which i doubt so, no one would know what to say to each other. Sad huh?Its not that i dont try to get in touch but if no effort is put in their part, why should i bother trying? Like some people who i will not name, since they wont be here to defend themselves, they chose to disappear. Its like, the times we spent in school with them were just a dream. A secondary school dream or nightmare depending on some people's experience.

For me, secondary school was more like an institution where a lot of hormonal young ones are put together in a weird place and are being experimented on for peer pressure and stuff. It wasnt that bad but it wasnt that great either. The first 2 years were more like trying to fit in and make/evaluate friendship,make alliances,enemies,etc while the last 2 years was spent trying to get by each day without having to resort to murder some of your teachers with your bare hands or just enjoy going to school to chat with friends and try to graduate.

What did i really learn from secondary school? Hmm...some people are born to be assholes and bitches, some boys are immature jerks, some boys are great friends, hypocrites are aplenty and some teachers are dangerous beings, very dangerous beings(especially my lit teacher)

Anyway, these people changed in appearances, some went to overseas, some are working or still studying, some are married(primary school friend). Makes me wonder, from their point of view, have I changed? Dayah would say no, she would say im still the same foul mouthed crazy person that i am, and she would say a lot of stuff to annoy me and smile that mentel smile. God i love her, without her in secondary school, life wouldnt be fun. I might not be where i am today. Because i am prone to follow someone's habit/character/decisions unconsciously, i almost gave up on studying after a good friend of ours decided to drop out of school. That made me sad,because someone who i thought i can connect or get along with has stopped believing in herself and has well, gone hanyut.

haiz, what's the point of this blog entry? I seriously dont know. Sometimes i dont want to wake up in the morning to face the day,because most days, there is nothing to look forward to. Nothing significant at all. That's why i have those thoughts. Why should i smile to people when inside, i dont really give a shithole about being nice. I give out fake smiles everyday without realising it. im soo accustomed to it that when im smiling a sincere smile, it felt painful. I even smile when i talk on the phone, because people will know from the tone of your voice. So everyday is an acting day for me. Some days i want to strangle some aliens but then again, what's the point in being so angry when there's nothing to lose, other than your reputation, dignity, job, money and face lah..

oh shoot, im beginning to sound like a cynic..change topic, Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh..i saw the new vid for LP.Chester looks damn hot but i prefer him blonde, he looks hotter in blonde.Hehehehehe..
Alamak he's so cute lah in black skinny jeans, so very cute, so very delicious. And im still waiting for that dvd of takuya's drama a beautiful life...he's so yummy in this drama. I loike.

I wanted to write about that but i realised its too much and that it might not be a clever thing to do.So, ciao.