I went through the pictures of my friends in friendster. Those 'friends' whom i have not kept in touch with for so long, well, except for Dayah of course. I bet that if we were to have a gathering of some sort, which i doubt so, no one would know what to say to each other. Sad huh?Its not that i dont try to get in touch but if no effort is put in their part, why should i bother trying? Like some people who i will not name, since they wont be here to defend themselves, they chose to disappear. Its like, the times we spent in school with them were just a dream. A secondary school dream or nightmare depending on some people's experience.
For me, secondary school was more like an institution where a lot of hormonal young ones are put together in a weird place and are being experimented on for peer pressure and stuff. It wasnt that bad but it wasnt that great either. The first 2 years were more like trying to fit in and make/evaluate friendship,make alliances,enemies,etc while the last 2 years was spent trying to get by each day without having to resort to murder some of your teachers with your bare hands or just enjoy going to school to chat with friends and try to graduate.
What did i really learn from secondary school? Hmm...some people are born to be assholes and bitches, some boys are immature jerks, some boys are great friends, hypocrites are aplenty and some teachers are dangerous beings, very dangerous beings(especially my lit teacher)
Anyway, these people changed in appearances, some went to overseas, some are working or still studying, some are married(primary school friend). Makes me wonder, from their point of view, have I changed? Dayah would say no, she would say im still the same foul mouthed crazy person that i am, and she would say a lot of stuff to annoy me and smile that mentel smile. God i love her, without her in secondary school, life wouldnt be fun. I might not be where i am today. Because i am prone to follow someone's habit/character/decisions unconsciously, i almost gave up on studying after a good friend of ours decided to drop out of school. That made me sad,because someone who i thought i can connect or get along with has stopped believing in herself and has well, gone hanyut.
haiz, what's the point of this blog entry? I seriously dont know. Sometimes i dont want to wake up in the morning to face the day,because most days, there is nothing to look forward to. Nothing significant at all. That's why i have those thoughts. Why should i smile to people when inside, i dont really give a shithole about being nice. I give out fake smiles everyday without realising it. im soo accustomed to it that when im smiling a sincere smile, it felt painful. I even smile when i talk on the phone, because people will know from the tone of your voice. So everyday is an acting day for me. Some days i want to strangle some aliens but then again, what's the point in being so angry when there's nothing to lose, other than your reputation, dignity, job, money and face lah..
oh shoot, im beginning to sound like a cynic..change topic, Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh..i saw the new vid for LP.Chester looks damn hot but i prefer him blonde, he looks hotter in blonde.Hehehehehe..
Alamak he's so cute lah in black skinny jeans, so very cute, so very delicious. And im still waiting for that dvd of takuya's drama a beautiful life...he's so yummy in this drama. I loike.
I wanted to write about that but i realised its too much and that it might not be a clever thing to do.So, ciao.
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