Help me God. Im so freaking bored right now. I forgot to say that i just loathe mondays. Yawn...like what i said earlier on, cant wait for saturday. Its dark outside, again. The weather has been cold and gloomy these past few days. Woah, dejavu... memories of the times in the studio are flooding my mind. Yeah i remember leaning on the window sill (which was not allowed to be opened but being the rebels that we were, it was always open) and just staring out at the trees and the sky as the the wind blew like hell and the heavy dark clouds rolled around. Even when there was a downpour, i insisted that no one should close the window, until norain and colleen starts shouting that they're getting wet. Haha. See, i had soo much power or control over the cubby members. Now all that is gone.
Anyway, I just love the smell of the damp earth. Dont you? Makes you feel like you're outside, free with no cares in the world, and not stuck in a building with noisy and not to metion smelly assholes. Well, those days are over but i miss those quiet moments at the window. Norain used to think i was a bit cuckoo for staring out the window and smiling to myself and the old dude always thought we were depressed or something. Im sitting in front of the window now and it looks like its going to rain again BUT, there's houses in front, not large trees and the large open sky. Sad... and right now the radio is playing catherine mcphee's rendition of somewhere over the rainbow. Alamak, lagu2 smue tangkap lentok seh. This makes me even more sleepy. One more hour to go and i've yet to finish writing the write up for the play zone for W project. Like, what more can you write about for a 3 by 2 m play area? Nothing i tell you.
So what am i telling you know? Look out the window and just spend a couple of minutes looking at the trees and the sky. i cant believe it typed that. Alah, just sleep lah, rainy days are good for sleeping and just lazing around. yawn......
Monday, July 31, 2006
sha ka la ka baby
Hey, hey, its monday again. Cant take it, im so jaded. Good news though, my dad said that I can go for the KL trip. Why? What? How you say? Well, i didn't ask him for money, aaand I forgot (yar rite..) to tell him that its only going to be norain and me. Ehehehe, no harm done mah. But he's kinda worried due to the recent bus accident that my cousin got into while she was with her friends on the way back from Malaysia. One of her friends was in coma, I think. No idea how he's doing now though. Am I scared? Well, not really, I cant wait for it actually. I need a break, period.
Anyway, last Saturday was hell I tell you. So, I went to office for only 45 mins, locked up and left. Was walking at the bridge when this lady kept looking at me. At first I was like, do I know you? When she got nearer, she said..
'Diana, are you going to be ..'
Ahh crap, it was the new buyer who is bringing her hubby to view the place. Forgot to inform the agent that I wouldn't be free on Saturday. Actually, I was too lazy to find her number which is somewhere in the stacks of a4 scribbles, sketches, notes that I have. So I told her she can view the OUTSIDE but not the inside. Sheesh, the hubby looked kind of, not happy? Heck, do I even care?
And I took 147 as usual, almost fell asleep if not for norain who kept asking me whether I've asked my dad about the KL trip. She was sooo desperate to go with me. She said she didn't care if the others (cubby members) werent going, as long as IM going, she'll be fine. Ooookaaayyy, I know lah im her muse but this is getting a bit creepy. Should have a heart to heart talk with her later. Her infatuation with me is getting out of hand. Hahahaha.. she's gonna freak out if she reads this.. hehe
As I was saying, I went to peace ctre to print the boards. Took quite a while at richard's and I was getting quite pissed off because he was sssslllloooooowww. I had to send the W board to K's office and I was already 15 mins late. So, as I was rushing towards allan's shop, marching on like I was prepared for battlefield, looking past all the people, from the corner of my eye I realized someone was looking at me. AGAIN. And AGAIN, I was like, why the hell are you looking at me??!! And when he got nearer, he kind of waved his arms at me and smiled, waiting for recognition.
Guess who it was? It was Idris, the archi lecturer. He looked soo different. He's a lot thinner, his usually spiky hair was flat, he was wearing black rimmed specs and, yar, he looked so thin. And what did I do when I finally recognize him? I only managed to gave a sort of girly, whiny, im-in- disbelief shout (not sure if it counts as a shout though) which goes something like..
'Iiidriiissss..'
My god, so embarrassing, the people walking around must have thought that I was mental or something. Idris was smiling and when he turned around to talk, I said bye, I gotta go. MAN, THAT was a stupid move. He looked like he wanted to have small talk and I just said BYE. Stupid lah ko ni, Di. Actually, I was quite taken aback that he still remembers my face since he's not even my lecturer. That lead to my brain going numb and so I couldnt think properly. Haiz.. should have stopped to chit chat with him for awhile. He's so cute.
Haha, I know, he's married with kids and so? Like what I said to norain, no harm done having a crush on older, married men right? Its not as if im stalking them or having an affair or voodooing them right? Norain finally realized why I wasn't that interested in boys. Told her that boys are immature. She was surprised. Hahaha. Whatever lah. Its not wrong to be infatuated with older men. Its not. Different people have differrent tastes. Anyway, then i asked the old dude why idris was so thin. Stress with teaching and the part time degree. Hmm.. no wonder.
After sending the board, my colleague and i went to fetch Mama yoda. Funny thing happened after that. After viewing Brand's office and having breakfast at the coffeshop, we moved on for the meeting at the hospital. Then a lady called me up asking where to send stuff to Mama Yoda as she couldnt get through to her. So i passed the phone to boss. We thought everything was fine until my boss couldnt find her phone. HAHAHAHA, the panic look on her face was soo funny when i told her Brand couldnt find her phone in his car. And you know where it was? In Brand/s office. She left it on the table when she was putting on the band aid. Hahaha.
So the presentation ended at 4 plus and we moved on to another site meeting. I finally reached home at around 6 plus. Penat seh..
So now, im just waiting for saturday. KL, here we come.....yawn....
Anyway, last Saturday was hell I tell you. So, I went to office for only 45 mins, locked up and left. Was walking at the bridge when this lady kept looking at me. At first I was like, do I know you? When she got nearer, she said..
'Diana, are you going to be ..'
Ahh crap, it was the new buyer who is bringing her hubby to view the place. Forgot to inform the agent that I wouldn't be free on Saturday. Actually, I was too lazy to find her number which is somewhere in the stacks of a4 scribbles, sketches, notes that I have. So I told her she can view the OUTSIDE but not the inside. Sheesh, the hubby looked kind of, not happy? Heck, do I even care?
And I took 147 as usual, almost fell asleep if not for norain who kept asking me whether I've asked my dad about the KL trip. She was sooo desperate to go with me. She said she didn't care if the others (cubby members) werent going, as long as IM going, she'll be fine. Ooookaaayyy, I know lah im her muse but this is getting a bit creepy. Should have a heart to heart talk with her later. Her infatuation with me is getting out of hand. Hahahaha.. she's gonna freak out if she reads this.. hehe
As I was saying, I went to peace ctre to print the boards. Took quite a while at richard's and I was getting quite pissed off because he was sssslllloooooowww. I had to send the W board to K's office and I was already 15 mins late. So, as I was rushing towards allan's shop, marching on like I was prepared for battlefield, looking past all the people, from the corner of my eye I realized someone was looking at me. AGAIN. And AGAIN, I was like, why the hell are you looking at me??!! And when he got nearer, he kind of waved his arms at me and smiled, waiting for recognition.
Guess who it was? It was Idris, the archi lecturer. He looked soo different. He's a lot thinner, his usually spiky hair was flat, he was wearing black rimmed specs and, yar, he looked so thin. And what did I do when I finally recognize him? I only managed to gave a sort of girly, whiny, im-in- disbelief shout (not sure if it counts as a shout though) which goes something like..
'Iiidriiissss..'
My god, so embarrassing, the people walking around must have thought that I was mental or something. Idris was smiling and when he turned around to talk, I said bye, I gotta go. MAN, THAT was a stupid move. He looked like he wanted to have small talk and I just said BYE. Stupid lah ko ni, Di. Actually, I was quite taken aback that he still remembers my face since he's not even my lecturer. That lead to my brain going numb and so I couldnt think properly. Haiz.. should have stopped to chit chat with him for awhile. He's so cute.
Haha, I know, he's married with kids and so? Like what I said to norain, no harm done having a crush on older, married men right? Its not as if im stalking them or having an affair or voodooing them right? Norain finally realized why I wasn't that interested in boys. Told her that boys are immature. She was surprised. Hahaha. Whatever lah. Its not wrong to be infatuated with older men. Its not. Different people have differrent tastes. Anyway, then i asked the old dude why idris was so thin. Stress with teaching and the part time degree. Hmm.. no wonder.
After sending the board, my colleague and i went to fetch Mama yoda. Funny thing happened after that. After viewing Brand's office and having breakfast at the coffeshop, we moved on for the meeting at the hospital. Then a lady called me up asking where to send stuff to Mama Yoda as she couldnt get through to her. So i passed the phone to boss. We thought everything was fine until my boss couldnt find her phone. HAHAHAHA, the panic look on her face was soo funny when i told her Brand couldnt find her phone in his car. And you know where it was? In Brand/s office. She left it on the table when she was putting on the band aid. Hahaha.
So the presentation ended at 4 plus and we moved on to another site meeting. I finally reached home at around 6 plus. Penat seh..
So now, im just waiting for saturday. KL, here we come.....yawn....
Saturday, July 29, 2006
wahah
I love Radiohead. I really, really, do. 987 fm played a bit of thom yorke's new song, cant remember which but i think its the .."fucked up..fucked up..." anthem thingy. Hah. And i really love Thom's voice. Soooooo niiiiceeeeee. So, if any of you guys knows anyone who's anything like thom yorke, PLEASE CALL ME. Hahahaha..
Talking about guys, last night i went back at around 9pm. So, i was so very hungry and decided to drop by 7/11 to buy food. And when i was at the cashier to pay up, the girl told me that the mat kentals at the corner wanted my number. Well, she didnt say mat kental lah. I was like, what the fuck? But i gave her an amused smile and just shruggeed. Then she told the noisy mat kentals that i wasnt interested, or was it that i was afraid? Ahh, couldnt really hear lah as i still had one earphone stuck in my ear and it was blasting with music.
Anyway, i think the mat kentals were perasan or thought i was interested because i happened to glance at them. Well, who wouldnt? I could hear them talking loudly even when my mp3 was full blast. Sengaje nak attract atention. But really, if they wanted my number, be a gentleman and ask directly. No need to act all arrogant and macho, like im the one who's interested in him in the first place. If he had came up to me and asked, i might just give. Well, most probably not.HAHAHA.. Who hangs out at 7/11s anyway? People who have got nothing better to do lah...
haiz...have to work full day today, will have to sit in for Mama Yoda's presentaion at hospital ad then move on to another meeting. But now, i have to go peace centre to print stuff. So, yar, Ciao.
Talking about guys, last night i went back at around 9pm. So, i was so very hungry and decided to drop by 7/11 to buy food. And when i was at the cashier to pay up, the girl told me that the mat kentals at the corner wanted my number. Well, she didnt say mat kental lah. I was like, what the fuck? But i gave her an amused smile and just shruggeed. Then she told the noisy mat kentals that i wasnt interested, or was it that i was afraid? Ahh, couldnt really hear lah as i still had one earphone stuck in my ear and it was blasting with music.
Anyway, i think the mat kentals were perasan or thought i was interested because i happened to glance at them. Well, who wouldnt? I could hear them talking loudly even when my mp3 was full blast. Sengaje nak attract atention. But really, if they wanted my number, be a gentleman and ask directly. No need to act all arrogant and macho, like im the one who's interested in him in the first place. If he had came up to me and asked, i might just give. Well, most probably not.HAHAHA.. Who hangs out at 7/11s anyway? People who have got nothing better to do lah...
haiz...have to work full day today, will have to sit in for Mama Yoda's presentaion at hospital ad then move on to another meeting. But now, i have to go peace centre to print stuff. So, yar, Ciao.
Thursday, July 27, 2006
sighs to hell
Had another tiff last night. Over a stupid plate of unfinished rice which I left in the stupid tudung saji on the stupid kitchen table. Stupid right? Told him that I was gonna finish it later but he just went on nagging about some shit without even bothering to listen to my explanation. What did I do? Threw away the rice lah, no mood to finish it. Mum knew I was pissed off because I didnt say anything else to defend myself. Locked myself, and three other innocent victims (lela, ati and tim who was already locked in his cage) in my sister's room to watch singapore idol. Too tired to argue with him. Cant be bothered. I know lah this is his house but why does he have to treat his daughters like we're just renting a room in that house?
Its not my fault. I didnt create the ever enlarging rift between us in the first place. If you ask me, im a decent daughter but in his eyes, in his warped mind, im the most rebellious and stubborn daughter. And for all of us, including the relatives, he's the stubborn and unreasonable one but he just refuses to admit or acknowledge this fact. He's always right and other people are always wrong.
Its so easy to hate him, so very easy to do it. Maybe Ive been harbouring it all these years. I know, I know, he's family but he just doesnt want to understand us. I've tried my best to understand him. Heck, you should know that there's countless times when I just shutup and let him talk but it doesn't make sense at all. In the end, I'll still be pissed off because he WONT LISTEN. He never does. And he gets jealous every time Mum and I go out together. He says we're plotting something against him. Yar, like what? To overthrow his government? Crazy. And he says we don't love him. Haiz, how do you love someone who you cant understand. Someone who's never supportive, someone who thinks you're never good enough, someone who never gives you a chance to explore the world. Its like I've been fighting a battle all my life and the most crucial one is with him.
Yeah, I admit I do get jealous of people who are close to their dads. Like last week, when I saw a girl walking side by side with her dad, talking and laughing about something, it makes me think. Why cant we be like that? Why cant we have a normal conversation without either one of us sulking away or storming off in the opposite direction? Sometimes I feel like we're some sort of enemies, preparing for war. Well, one day, there will be a big war. And someone will be stepping out of the house for good.
Yes, I will make it in life, with or without his support. Heck, Ive made it through poly without his support so yar, hope I can keep on doing it. Hope one day he realizes that he's not always right. Once again, its not my fault. I've tried my best and now im not going to be bothered anymore. Its not worth fighting a battle which I will lose anyway. Im not going to try to piece the puzzle. I'll leave that job to my sisters. Have fun figuring out the old man, guys.
Wish you luck.
Lots of it.
Its not my fault. I didnt create the ever enlarging rift between us in the first place. If you ask me, im a decent daughter but in his eyes, in his warped mind, im the most rebellious and stubborn daughter. And for all of us, including the relatives, he's the stubborn and unreasonable one but he just refuses to admit or acknowledge this fact. He's always right and other people are always wrong.
Its so easy to hate him, so very easy to do it. Maybe Ive been harbouring it all these years. I know, I know, he's family but he just doesnt want to understand us. I've tried my best to understand him. Heck, you should know that there's countless times when I just shutup and let him talk but it doesn't make sense at all. In the end, I'll still be pissed off because he WONT LISTEN. He never does. And he gets jealous every time Mum and I go out together. He says we're plotting something against him. Yar, like what? To overthrow his government? Crazy. And he says we don't love him. Haiz, how do you love someone who you cant understand. Someone who's never supportive, someone who thinks you're never good enough, someone who never gives you a chance to explore the world. Its like I've been fighting a battle all my life and the most crucial one is with him.
Yeah, I admit I do get jealous of people who are close to their dads. Like last week, when I saw a girl walking side by side with her dad, talking and laughing about something, it makes me think. Why cant we be like that? Why cant we have a normal conversation without either one of us sulking away or storming off in the opposite direction? Sometimes I feel like we're some sort of enemies, preparing for war. Well, one day, there will be a big war. And someone will be stepping out of the house for good.
Yes, I will make it in life, with or without his support. Heck, Ive made it through poly without his support so yar, hope I can keep on doing it. Hope one day he realizes that he's not always right. Once again, its not my fault. I've tried my best and now im not going to be bothered anymore. Its not worth fighting a battle which I will lose anyway. Im not going to try to piece the puzzle. I'll leave that job to my sisters. Have fun figuring out the old man, guys.
Wish you luck.
Lots of it.
Wednesday, July 26, 2006
Millionaire say
Got a big shot deal
And thrown it all away but
But I'm not too sure
How I'm supposed to feel
Or what I'm supposed to say
But I'm not, not sure,
Not too sure how it feels
To handle every day
And I miss you love
Make room for the prey
'Cause I'm coming in
With what I wanna say but
It's gonna hurt
And I love the pain
A breeding ground for hate but...
I'm not, not sure,
Not too sure how it feels
To handle everyday
Like the one that just past
In the crowds of all the people
The lyrics were from silverchair Miss you love. A bit emo, but yeah, nice nonetheless. The music makes you feel like, crying? No, sad actually, only lingering sadness and….. ok lah, it makes me want to cry sometimes. But funeral for a friend, History is even nicer. Its like an anthem.
Sigh….. im bored, and fed up. Soo bored. I just want to go home and watch tv, eat, listen to the radio, watch Tim sleep and maybe pull his ears, read nietzsche, sketch stuff, etc, etc. Isnt it ironic, now that im super busy, I plan to do a lot of things like all the stuff aforementioned, and yet.. when I was free, I was too lazy to do any of it. I was too engrossed savouring the sweetness of freedom. I was in a stupor most of the time and couldn’t even bear to go to the market (which is only in front of my flat) let alone think of what to buy there. I dont want all of this, I just want to travel and write a book or poems. Is that so much to ask for?
Anyway, the KL trip macam takde harapan ajer. No hope of going I tell you. Soph cant go because her mum wouldn’t let her jln2 during the ghost festival. Mi cant go unless an adult is accompanying us(like hello, she's already an adult, macam mak budak lagi, oops, hope she doesnt read this). Colleen has to work and marinah… maybe she might just back out since only left me and norain. Sad ar, in the end, its back to norains 1st plan, which involved only the 2 of us going shopping at KL. By the way, is it safe for two 20 year old girls to be going on a KL shopping trip without adult supervision? Can lah, why am I so paranoid? Weeellll, its because people always think Im young . Yes, yes, they think im around 16 to 18 years. Pathetic right? Im 20, people. 20. Years. Old, for god’s sake.
The lyrics were from silverchair Miss you love. A bit emo, but yeah, nice nonetheless. The music makes you feel like, crying? No, sad actually, only lingering sadness and….. ok lah, it makes me want to cry sometimes. But funeral for a friend, History is even nicer. Its like an anthem.
Sigh….. im bored, and fed up. Soo bored. I just want to go home and watch tv, eat, listen to the radio, watch Tim sleep and maybe pull his ears, read nietzsche, sketch stuff, etc, etc. Isnt it ironic, now that im super busy, I plan to do a lot of things like all the stuff aforementioned, and yet.. when I was free, I was too lazy to do any of it. I was too engrossed savouring the sweetness of freedom. I was in a stupor most of the time and couldn’t even bear to go to the market (which is only in front of my flat) let alone think of what to buy there. I dont want all of this, I just want to travel and write a book or poems. Is that so much to ask for?
Anyway, the KL trip macam takde harapan ajer. No hope of going I tell you. Soph cant go because her mum wouldn’t let her jln2 during the ghost festival. Mi cant go unless an adult is accompanying us(like hello, she's already an adult, macam mak budak lagi, oops, hope she doesnt read this). Colleen has to work and marinah… maybe she might just back out since only left me and norain. Sad ar, in the end, its back to norains 1st plan, which involved only the 2 of us going shopping at KL. By the way, is it safe for two 20 year old girls to be going on a KL shopping trip without adult supervision? Can lah, why am I so paranoid? Weeellll, its because people always think Im young . Yes, yes, they think im around 16 to 18 years. Pathetic right? Im 20, people. 20. Years. Old, for god’s sake.
Tuesday, July 25, 2006
140th post
I dont know. Sorrow and sadness just grips you like a vice sometimes, doesnt it?I dont have an explanation for this but when it comes, I cant do anything else but to take it aaalllll in. Its like swallowing a large spoonful of bitter medicine. And no, a spoonful of sugar doesnt help to make it go down.
Somehow, as I sat in front of the comp, eating the meiji dark chocolate, it just doesnt taste half as good as when i was eating it with the girls at the studio. We used to have like a ritual thingy. When someone buys food especially that specific dark chocolate, all of us will automatically pull our chairs to the center and the owner of the chocolate will either break off a few pieces and distribute to everyone or each of us will break off any amount we want. Im not a fan of dark chocolates but when you're with your mates, anything tastes good. Well, not crap lah.
Sigh..
In the wake of the chaos
In the midst of the crowd
Flailing my arms about like
Some sort of a kook
Looked to the left and moved on
Almost run over by a drunken cow
Pissed cow screamed 'what the fuck!!!'
Shouted back 'fuck off you sodding ass!!!'
Took a step back
Fell over a pile of screaming banshees
Where am i again?
Oh..,
right..,
im back at square one.
Last weekend, was quite pissed off with the old man at home. Its the usual thing, its always his stupid black mood everytime he wakes up that makes us all dont want to take shower before he does. Whats the purpose of having another toilet in the master bedroom if you dont use it? What the hell is he thinking anyway? Who in the world can finish taking a shower in 5 mins? NO ONE, HE doesnt even get out of the toilet in less than 10 mins and yet he’s always banging on the toilet door, shouting and nagging at us for dawdling in the toilet. Sheesh, I dont know what to say. Nonsense and stupid right? Arhh, im tired lah of figuring out what is it that he wants out of us all. Spite. Maybe its spite. Theres a good example for this spite thingy in the death of a salesmen script, but I dont remember it. Its ok, will write it in tomorrow lah.
oh yar, this is my 140th post. So what you say? Well, there's more actually, but i just didnt have the mood to post it and some of it was lost when i changed my url...haiz....
Somehow, as I sat in front of the comp, eating the meiji dark chocolate, it just doesnt taste half as good as when i was eating it with the girls at the studio. We used to have like a ritual thingy. When someone buys food especially that specific dark chocolate, all of us will automatically pull our chairs to the center and the owner of the chocolate will either break off a few pieces and distribute to everyone or each of us will break off any amount we want. Im not a fan of dark chocolates but when you're with your mates, anything tastes good. Well, not crap lah.
Sigh..
In the wake of the chaos
In the midst of the crowd
Flailing my arms about like
Some sort of a kook
Looked to the left and moved on
Almost run over by a drunken cow
Pissed cow screamed 'what the fuck!!!'
Shouted back 'fuck off you sodding ass!!!'
Took a step back
Fell over a pile of screaming banshees
Where am i again?
Oh..,
right..,
im back at square one.
Last weekend, was quite pissed off with the old man at home. Its the usual thing, its always his stupid black mood everytime he wakes up that makes us all dont want to take shower before he does. Whats the purpose of having another toilet in the master bedroom if you dont use it? What the hell is he thinking anyway? Who in the world can finish taking a shower in 5 mins? NO ONE, HE doesnt even get out of the toilet in less than 10 mins and yet he’s always banging on the toilet door, shouting and nagging at us for dawdling in the toilet. Sheesh, I dont know what to say. Nonsense and stupid right? Arhh, im tired lah of figuring out what is it that he wants out of us all. Spite. Maybe its spite. Theres a good example for this spite thingy in the death of a salesmen script, but I dont remember it. Its ok, will write it in tomorrow lah.
oh yar, this is my 140th post. So what you say? Well, there's more actually, but i just didnt have the mood to post it and some of it was lost when i changed my url...haiz....
Saturday, July 22, 2006
tarot
how you feel about yourself now (The Fool)
You feel discontent or uneasy and feel a need for a change in your life, a new direction, perhaps even an adventure. You might not know where you want to go, just that you don’t want to stay where you are. It's a time for optimism and major decisions - unexpected influences could have a powerful effect on your decision making. Ask yourself, is what you desire really the right thing for you?
You feel discontent or uneasy and feel a need for a change in your life, a new direction, perhaps even an adventure. You might not know where you want to go, just that you don’t want to stay where you are. It's a time for optimism and major decisions - unexpected influences could have a powerful effect on your decision making. Ask yourself, is what you desire really the right thing for you?
what you most want at this moment (The Sun)
The cards suggest diro, that what you most want at this time is some joy and pleasure in your life, perhaps a long needed holiday in the sun to re-charge your batteries. You may have been through a period of challenges or a time of limbo and inactivity. The Sun heralds an ending to difficulties and a time to celebrate with friends and loved ones, a time of pleasure and good news around children or the conception or birth of a longed-for baby (what the hell???)
The cards suggest diro, that what you most want at this time is some joy and pleasure in your life, perhaps a long needed holiday in the sun to re-charge your batteries. You may have been through a period of challenges or a time of limbo and inactivity. The Sun heralds an ending to difficulties and a time to celebrate with friends and loved ones, a time of pleasure and good news around children or the conception or birth of a longed-for baby (what the hell???)
Your Astrological Court Card
Queen of Swords
Astrological Sign: Aquarius
Element: Air
Personality: idealistic, charitable, determined, influential, compassionate, friendly but sometimes impersonal
Most suitable vocations: eco-warrior, new age teacher, healer, psychologist, painter, writer
hahaha...weird ah... but some of it is true, about wanting a holiday or an adventure....though i cant imagine what a new age teacher teaches....and i dont think i can be a psychologist...
Queen of Swords
Astrological Sign: Aquarius
Element: Air
Personality: idealistic, charitable, determined, influential, compassionate, friendly but sometimes impersonal
Most suitable vocations: eco-warrior, new age teacher, healer, psychologist, painter, writer
hahaha...weird ah... but some of it is true, about wanting a holiday or an adventure....though i cant imagine what a new age teacher teaches....and i dont think i can be a psychologist...
Friday, July 21, 2006
Muahahahahahaha...
Yes, yes, what the hell right? You want to know what's soo funny? Heh, i just realised that im a genius. heheheh.... like real ajer... Anyway, i have a great idea but i cant elaborate. I just hope i have enough resources and tenaga rakyat to make this thing happen. Its gonna be big i tell you. And someone sure terperanjat beruk nanti. i hope everyone cooperates. And i have to start doing my portion fast.....before i get too busy with work...
haiz..work..
sometimes i just feel like running away from all this...so many things to do, call this person, look for that material, find that picture....its never ending i tell you. Design is sooo...... much work.....im tired...at least bila time pat poly, we had semester breaks and holidays but here, work doesnt stop...and i feel like i want to be a kid again. I know it sounds cheesy or cliche but it feels like you have the weight of the world on your shoulder. Its like a burden, especially when people know you're independent and they trust you to be alone and do your work.
Heck, why do people trust me so much? Dont i look like i could run away with money or lie and cheat and steal? Well, not that drastic lah, the worst thing i can do is not turn up for work and then apologise or make up excuses. Tell you what, i have a knack for coming up with excuses. I dont know, its just a bad habit, instead of telling the truth, sometimes i just lie, for the sake of lying. Its fun.... hehehe..
Anyway, bile agaknye i can get to watch pirates of the caribbean? I cant wait to watch Johnny depp, he's sooooooo cute.... Oh yes, before i forget...
Singapore idol.....
Darah aku naik. Im a bit pissed off when gayle got the lowest vote. HELLLOOOOO, are the majority of singaporeans who voted tone deaf? Please lah people, why are you voting for emilee and jasmine. THEY CANT SING LAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! I dont know what's wrong with my fellow singaporeans' ears. Why are you voting for getai wannabes? Why? We want idols, not karaoke singers who wear weird outfits. Haiz...remind me again why i watched SI in the first place? Oh yar, no other shows on tv.... haiz.... Maybe i should bring a banner to the studio which says...
"MISSING: GETAI SUPERSTARS- EMILEE AND JASMINE.. anyone who has spotted them please contact the following number, 1900- my fish can sing better than me. "
hmmm...i might just be torn to pieces by their crazed fans even before i reach the mediacorp's premises. So, i'll scratch that idea off my list. Sigh, just have to stick to dissing them in my blog then...Soo boring.. But really lah, why are they still in? Just for eyecandy? Eeeeee, i want to puke...
Yes, yes, what the hell right? You want to know what's soo funny? Heh, i just realised that im a genius. heheheh.... like real ajer... Anyway, i have a great idea but i cant elaborate. I just hope i have enough resources and tenaga rakyat to make this thing happen. Its gonna be big i tell you. And someone sure terperanjat beruk nanti. i hope everyone cooperates. And i have to start doing my portion fast.....before i get too busy with work...
haiz..work..
sometimes i just feel like running away from all this...so many things to do, call this person, look for that material, find that picture....its never ending i tell you. Design is sooo...... much work.....im tired...at least bila time pat poly, we had semester breaks and holidays but here, work doesnt stop...and i feel like i want to be a kid again. I know it sounds cheesy or cliche but it feels like you have the weight of the world on your shoulder. Its like a burden, especially when people know you're independent and they trust you to be alone and do your work.
Heck, why do people trust me so much? Dont i look like i could run away with money or lie and cheat and steal? Well, not that drastic lah, the worst thing i can do is not turn up for work and then apologise or make up excuses. Tell you what, i have a knack for coming up with excuses. I dont know, its just a bad habit, instead of telling the truth, sometimes i just lie, for the sake of lying. Its fun.... hehehe..
Anyway, bile agaknye i can get to watch pirates of the caribbean? I cant wait to watch Johnny depp, he's sooooooo cute.... Oh yes, before i forget...
Singapore idol.....
Darah aku naik. Im a bit pissed off when gayle got the lowest vote. HELLLOOOOO, are the majority of singaporeans who voted tone deaf? Please lah people, why are you voting for emilee and jasmine. THEY CANT SING LAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! I dont know what's wrong with my fellow singaporeans' ears. Why are you voting for getai wannabes? Why? We want idols, not karaoke singers who wear weird outfits. Haiz...remind me again why i watched SI in the first place? Oh yar, no other shows on tv.... haiz.... Maybe i should bring a banner to the studio which says...
"MISSING: GETAI SUPERSTARS- EMILEE AND JASMINE.. anyone who has spotted them please contact the following number, 1900- my fish can sing better than me. "
hmmm...i might just be torn to pieces by their crazed fans even before i reach the mediacorp's premises. So, i'll scratch that idea off my list. Sigh, just have to stick to dissing them in my blog then...Soo boring.. But really lah, why are they still in? Just for eyecandy? Eeeeee, i want to puke...
Thursday, July 20, 2006
Singapore idol, what can i say, other than the fact that getai singing was taken to the next level by who else, jasmine and emilee lah. Emilee sang a rock song, unmemorable due to the fact that my ears still hurt and jasmine sang faith hill's song in pearl harbor (puke, puke, puke), fyi, i still feel like puking. For the love of music, can someone please tell them to shutup once and for all!!!!! Why was it taken to the next level (what the hell am i yaping about?)? Because of the outfits. Emilee looks like she's dressed for a costume party. And jasmine was dressed in clothes from her mum's era. I think her mum will look even better if she wore what her daughter wore yesterday. The hair was like crap, crap, and to top it all up, her singing....... Gosh, let me just quote what she said after gurmit asked how she felt.
" i felt i was one with the music (with both forefingers pressed together to emphasise). it felt good, its very difficult to get this kind of yada-yada-yada-yada..."
My GOD!! Is she tone deaf or something? And the audiences, please lah, just shut the fuckup when the contestants are performing. Stop screaming like you're being groped, raped or like there was a fucking orgy with cavemans at the studio.
So im hoping that both these getai superstars will be going home tonight, and please dont forget to bring along joakim. in the end he's just another performing monkey who is famous because at the sight of his face and before he opens his mouth, stooopid tone deaf female fans suddenly get high and screamed like there's no tomorrow ( as though they're having orgasm or sumtin). I dont get it, i just dont. anyway, i think jonathan's the closest one to becoming the singapore idol. And rahimah, ko bole pegi tengok cermin sebelum naik stage tak? apekebendenye yang ko pakai semalam, aku taulah ko tu cita2 nak jadi fashion designer tapi fashion2 pun kene ade makne kan?! Mereek siol.
If you ask me why im soo pissed off over singapore idol when its my choice not to watch it, let me tell you sumtin, there is no choice!!!!!! There were no other good shows. And seriously, watching the show is crucial to choosing the right and deserving individual who can make a mark in singapore's music and entertainment industry and to make singapore proud.
Seriously guys...
that wasn't me talking....
" i felt i was one with the music (with both forefingers pressed together to emphasise). it felt good, its very difficult to get this kind of yada-yada-yada-yada..."
My GOD!! Is she tone deaf or something? And the audiences, please lah, just shut the fuckup when the contestants are performing. Stop screaming like you're being groped, raped or like there was a fucking orgy with cavemans at the studio.
So im hoping that both these getai superstars will be going home tonight, and please dont forget to bring along joakim. in the end he's just another performing monkey who is famous because at the sight of his face and before he opens his mouth, stooopid tone deaf female fans suddenly get high and screamed like there's no tomorrow ( as though they're having orgasm or sumtin). I dont get it, i just dont. anyway, i think jonathan's the closest one to becoming the singapore idol. And rahimah, ko bole pegi tengok cermin sebelum naik stage tak? apekebendenye yang ko pakai semalam, aku taulah ko tu cita2 nak jadi fashion designer tapi fashion2 pun kene ade makne kan?! Mereek siol.
If you ask me why im soo pissed off over singapore idol when its my choice not to watch it, let me tell you sumtin, there is no choice!!!!!! There were no other good shows. And seriously, watching the show is crucial to choosing the right and deserving individual who can make a mark in singapore's music and entertainment industry and to make singapore proud.
Seriously guys...
that wasn't me talking....
Wednesday, July 19, 2006
matrix? No?
Middle finger stuck on the ENTER key. Watched the sequence of words and information roll down. Never ending and so fast that it almost blurred into a series of barcode. Reminded me of the matrix. But no, this is real. What the fuck is wrong with the stupid blasted cad dwg?????
Incorrect or corrupted information.
Technical error detected.
Maybe, if they were to do a scan on my brain, these two messages might pop up for a few seconds before the self destruct warning sign screeches like the siren in the odyssey.
KAAABOOOOMMM!!!!!!! ( or keebaaabooohhhh)
Incorrect or corrupted information.
Technical error detected.
Maybe, if they were to do a scan on my brain, these two messages might pop up for a few seconds before the self destruct warning sign screeches like the siren in the odyssey.
KAAABOOOOMMM!!!!!!! ( or keebaaabooohhhh)
Tuesday, July 18, 2006
baaaared
Bored.
So much work to finish up but yet im feeling sooooooo bored. Can't take it anymore. I have lots of stuff to write about but, have got work to do lah.
Will tell you about the dream i had last night. It involved a family gathering and lots of food. Then someone mentioned seeing a toyol and everyone got scared. Then, when it was time to sleep, i kept reciting ayat qursi over and over and over again, while hiding under the covers. And when i woke up, i could hear the voice in my head reciting the ayat qursi. Weird eh? Maybe something will happen. Hope its not a bad thing. Anyway, gotta get back to work. I think, im really going to spend more time at home to finish up my work. Backlog berlambak beb. Ciao cincao.
So much work to finish up but yet im feeling sooooooo bored. Can't take it anymore. I have lots of stuff to write about but, have got work to do lah.
Will tell you about the dream i had last night. It involved a family gathering and lots of food. Then someone mentioned seeing a toyol and everyone got scared. Then, when it was time to sleep, i kept reciting ayat qursi over and over and over again, while hiding under the covers. And when i woke up, i could hear the voice in my head reciting the ayat qursi. Weird eh? Maybe something will happen. Hope its not a bad thing. Anyway, gotta get back to work. I think, im really going to spend more time at home to finish up my work. Backlog berlambak beb. Ciao cincao.
Friday, July 14, 2006
fake ....
Had a meeting this morning at the studio with uncle Bee, the Fake Bitch and the lady from a metal support system co. My god, i tell you, i was very surprised at the size of the fake B's bosom. They look HUGE. I didnt realise it before because she either wore dark colored or loose fitting blouse. But today, she was wearing a tight, and i mean REALLY TIGHT pink spaghetti strap which is short, barely covering her belly. And when she bends down, seriously, lurah dendam die, you know, the valley...fuyooo...tak taulah macam mane nak elaborate. I could tell that uncle Bee was a bit uncomfortable because he was standing directly in front of Fake B. And so he can see almost everything when she bends down to point on the drawings. I was standing next to Uncle Bee and of course i felt uncomfortable, because i CAN SEE IT CLEARLY TOO. Huh, scary seh, how do you sleep with such big bosoms? Maybe she was wearing those push up bras just to add ummph.. or maybe she pumped herself the night before? Hahaha...yes, yes, i know im evil....
Actually, she's not that bad lah. The only thing that pisses me off is that she orders me around like she's paying my salary. And yeah, she's soooo damn bossy. Seriously.
Anyway, i watched singapore idol last night. No surprise when Norman got the lowest vote. He chose the wrong song!!! Tell you something, only rockers, oklah, only thom yorke can carry out radiohead's high and dry song. I was surprised when his parents want him to sing that, seriously, it didnt suit him and he didnt do justice to the song at all. Im not dissing him, im just saying that if he'd chosen a different song, maybe the spastic jasmine or lamer emilee might have been eliminated instead. Then we would all be spared of the 4 mins of getai karaoke next week. Both of them CANT SING for nuts. Now im really dissing. I mean, just because jasmine looks cute doesnt mean she deserves to go to the next round, and emilee, please lah, she like, drones on when she sings, no ups and downs. I almost fell asleep during both of their performances.
But thank god Jay is in. hahaha... he looks soooo cute singing the my funny valentine song. Although it doesnt suit his style, not that i know what his style is in the first place. And yeah, i missed rahimah's performance, thank goodness man. Act punk seh minah tu, im a bit disgusted. I'd rather vote for nurul maideen if both of them were the last 2 contestants, IF lah. Oh yar, paul twohill, you should cover your mouth insted of your beautiful eyes. Your lips are like, sooo not nice, and its not because of your braces dude..
Actually, she's not that bad lah. The only thing that pisses me off is that she orders me around like she's paying my salary. And yeah, she's soooo damn bossy. Seriously.
Anyway, i watched singapore idol last night. No surprise when Norman got the lowest vote. He chose the wrong song!!! Tell you something, only rockers, oklah, only thom yorke can carry out radiohead's high and dry song. I was surprised when his parents want him to sing that, seriously, it didnt suit him and he didnt do justice to the song at all. Im not dissing him, im just saying that if he'd chosen a different song, maybe the spastic jasmine or lamer emilee might have been eliminated instead. Then we would all be spared of the 4 mins of getai karaoke next week. Both of them CANT SING for nuts. Now im really dissing. I mean, just because jasmine looks cute doesnt mean she deserves to go to the next round, and emilee, please lah, she like, drones on when she sings, no ups and downs. I almost fell asleep during both of their performances.
But thank god Jay is in. hahaha... he looks soooo cute singing the my funny valentine song. Although it doesnt suit his style, not that i know what his style is in the first place. And yeah, i missed rahimah's performance, thank goodness man. Act punk seh minah tu, im a bit disgusted. I'd rather vote for nurul maideen if both of them were the last 2 contestants, IF lah. Oh yar, paul twohill, you should cover your mouth insted of your beautiful eyes. Your lips are like, sooo not nice, and its not because of your braces dude..
Thursday, July 13, 2006
what the ....
I cant believe that i spent almost $7 at old changkee. Just $7, for fried, and a bit oily, food. My god, its as if i havent eaten for days. Now i full and im not done eating yet.
Anyway, went for the discussion at the bitch's company at city hall. I didnt know that her office was near funan it mall. So, this time she was devoid or should is say, stripped of the heavy makeup and the fake eyelashes. But she still looks superficial to me. She kept laughing at my emails and then she says i look like a small kitten. She also says i always look stressed and that i never smile. Hmmm... well, to tell you the truth, i wasnt surprised by her comments. All my life, i have always been told by friends or relatives, that i look like a squirrel, chipmunk or mouse and that im either way too serious or stressed out.
Why people?WHY? I do smile, i laugh a lot ( most of the time at my own jokes) and im not serious all the time, i think a lot (at least i think i am). Whatever lah...who cares what fake bitches think about me anyway.
So, i cant help thinking about him.. Why ar? Why do i always want what i can never get? Why do i have to aim sooo high up? Why? I keep hoping that maybe somehow, we can be together but really lah, it cannot happen, not in this lifetime anyway. We're just friends and that's how its going to be. But to look for someone like him? Humph, guys like him are sooo hard to find nowadays, one in a million. Love, love is weird eh? I love someone who is ....... i cant elaborate, its my big secret... no one knows, at least i think no one knows. Do you know?
Anyway, went for the discussion at the bitch's company at city hall. I didnt know that her office was near funan it mall. So, this time she was devoid or should is say, stripped of the heavy makeup and the fake eyelashes. But she still looks superficial to me. She kept laughing at my emails and then she says i look like a small kitten. She also says i always look stressed and that i never smile. Hmmm... well, to tell you the truth, i wasnt surprised by her comments. All my life, i have always been told by friends or relatives, that i look like a squirrel, chipmunk or mouse and that im either way too serious or stressed out.
Why people?WHY? I do smile, i laugh a lot ( most of the time at my own jokes) and im not serious all the time, i think a lot (at least i think i am). Whatever lah...who cares what fake bitches think about me anyway.
So, i cant help thinking about him.. Why ar? Why do i always want what i can never get? Why do i have to aim sooo high up? Why? I keep hoping that maybe somehow, we can be together but really lah, it cannot happen, not in this lifetime anyway. We're just friends and that's how its going to be. But to look for someone like him? Humph, guys like him are sooo hard to find nowadays, one in a million. Love, love is weird eh? I love someone who is ....... i cant elaborate, its my big secret... no one knows, at least i think no one knows. Do you know?
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
wallalala
While flipping through a magazine which Mama Yoda says might help for the new London project, I chanced upon an article by this traveler guy. He talked about writing his traveling experiences in his journal, like a travel diary. He said..
"Why journalling when blogging, its internet counterpart, appears the way to go? Simple-for its sheer tactile quality and aesthetic appeal... Crammed with vignettes and dog-eared through time, that journal becomes part of the writer and his history.."
So that explains why I can't part with my journals, the oldest dating back when I was in sec 1. I think now I have almost 15, in different types of notebooks. And half of it was for when I was in poly. It included all my thought processes and not to forget notes on the old dude's theory lectures and lehn's pqm stuff. Yeap, I confess I will lapse into my narcissist or emo mode (sometimes) and will read back all the journals in chronological order, till the wee hours, alone in my room. Sometimes, when my mum or sisters happen to come in, they will either see me laughing my head off or frowning at the window. Then they'll realize that they have a very disturbed family member. Sigh..
I looked again at the grad pictures which I had put up. I cant help but feel that my face is a bit weird. And I looked small and kind of (kind of) thin next to other people. And I had that cramped smile on my face. Oh well, I cant smile for a long period of time anyway, my mouth cant take it. And yeah, I just looked damn weird. Is that really me standing next to Abel? Is that really how I look? Why do I look like a crazed, demented, neurotic malay girl? Haiz..I guess that explains why Im still single all this time. And no, Deq, it's not because im a closet lesbian! Im straight for god's sake!!!!
Maaan, i really feel like murdering the stupid, ugly bitch director from one glass company. She really, really, really pisses me off. She keeps saying.. "eh, makcik, your dwg salah... it cant work... its not possible... blah, blah, blah, ding, ding dong, im a stupid ugly bitch who only knows how to order people around and everything on my face is fake and i could kill a dog if it walked by me..."
Seriously, i could've strangled her wrinkled neck and pulled off her fake clumpy mascara'ed eyelashes and then stuff it up her fake (most probaby ar?) asshole. And then i will step on her fake maroon fingernails and put it in stale coffee and force her to drink it, sloooowwwlllllyyyyyyy....... or i could cut up her big red ugly lips and ..........
You get the idea, dont you? I just want to torture before killing her. Urgh...now the thing is, i have to meet her tomorrow, at her bloody office, and uncle Bee cant make it tml. Im praying to God that i wont resort to killing any innocent beings (except for the fake bitch lah) due to any external pressure from a supernatural being who is a walking nightmare/disaster/ CRAP. AMIN
"Why journalling when blogging, its internet counterpart, appears the way to go? Simple-for its sheer tactile quality and aesthetic appeal... Crammed with vignettes and dog-eared through time, that journal becomes part of the writer and his history.."
So that explains why I can't part with my journals, the oldest dating back when I was in sec 1. I think now I have almost 15, in different types of notebooks. And half of it was for when I was in poly. It included all my thought processes and not to forget notes on the old dude's theory lectures and lehn's pqm stuff. Yeap, I confess I will lapse into my narcissist or emo mode (sometimes) and will read back all the journals in chronological order, till the wee hours, alone in my room. Sometimes, when my mum or sisters happen to come in, they will either see me laughing my head off or frowning at the window. Then they'll realize that they have a very disturbed family member. Sigh..
I looked again at the grad pictures which I had put up. I cant help but feel that my face is a bit weird. And I looked small and kind of (kind of) thin next to other people. And I had that cramped smile on my face. Oh well, I cant smile for a long period of time anyway, my mouth cant take it. And yeah, I just looked damn weird. Is that really me standing next to Abel? Is that really how I look? Why do I look like a crazed, demented, neurotic malay girl? Haiz..I guess that explains why Im still single all this time. And no, Deq, it's not because im a closet lesbian! Im straight for god's sake!!!!
Maaan, i really feel like murdering the stupid, ugly bitch director from one glass company. She really, really, really pisses me off. She keeps saying.. "eh, makcik, your dwg salah... it cant work... its not possible... blah, blah, blah, ding, ding dong, im a stupid ugly bitch who only knows how to order people around and everything on my face is fake and i could kill a dog if it walked by me..."
Seriously, i could've strangled her wrinkled neck and pulled off her fake clumpy mascara'ed eyelashes and then stuff it up her fake (most probaby ar?) asshole. And then i will step on her fake maroon fingernails and put it in stale coffee and force her to drink it, sloooowwwlllllyyyyyyy....... or i could cut up her big red ugly lips and ..........
You get the idea, dont you? I just want to torture before killing her. Urgh...now the thing is, i have to meet her tomorrow, at her bloody office, and uncle Bee cant make it tml. Im praying to God that i wont resort to killing any innocent beings (except for the fake bitch lah) due to any external pressure from a supernatural being who is a walking nightmare/disaster/ CRAP. AMIN
Tuesday, July 11, 2006
work
Oooh..i love work. I just love staying up late to finish up whatever drawings that we just discussed a few hours ago, without anyone to consult to. I like travelling to and fro my office and the clients' HQ without transport, which means i use my own money and i have my own free time. And i lurve to be asked this question..
"What do you think? Can you deliver it today?"
Wow, people throw me that question everyday as though its like a simple 'hello'. Big challenge huh? And yar, i like it when people want me to decide the materials on the spot. I didnt know that i have a good designer's vision, if not why would they trust me to do this right? And i really, really like it when Mama Yoda doesn't have access to net, that means i can do whatever i like.
Maaan..i think i've just succeeded lying to myself. Maybe the pressure wont be so great if i keep this mindset going.
NOT.
FYI, im still in the bloody office, its 8.40pm to be exact, and i've still got a few stuff to do...Nice.
To top it all up, the stupid lizard is tsk, tsk, tsking away in front of me. Fucking lizard.
"What do you think? Can you deliver it today?"
Wow, people throw me that question everyday as though its like a simple 'hello'. Big challenge huh? And yar, i like it when people want me to decide the materials on the spot. I didnt know that i have a good designer's vision, if not why would they trust me to do this right? And i really, really like it when Mama Yoda doesn't have access to net, that means i can do whatever i like.
Maaan..i think i've just succeeded lying to myself. Maybe the pressure wont be so great if i keep this mindset going.
NOT.
FYI, im still in the bloody office, its 8.40pm to be exact, and i've still got a few stuff to do...Nice.
To top it all up, the stupid lizard is tsk, tsk, tsking away in front of me. Fucking lizard.
Monday, July 10, 2006
sadness
Its raining, again.At times like this, especially when you're all alone, you cant help but be swpet away by a torrent of emotions and be burdened by a multitude of questions. I cant hlep but to take it all in. Heck, that's what i've been doing all this time, submitting myself to all the external and not to forget the internal forces or battles around and within me.
Alighted from the bus and saw a familiar hunched figure walking slowly in front. It was great grand aunt, late grandma's relative. Walked over to her, asked how she was, where she was heading, why she's still going back and forth from jb to singapore. She's already 85 for god's sake. Her reply drove me tears, well, let's not elaborate. Then she asked me who I was, I said my mum's name and off she went about my late grandma. My tears were welling up and I was almost on the brink of crying my eyes out but there were too many people watching. I walked off after giving her some cash. I was sniffing and sobbing while trying to cover my face with my fringe. It was right then and there, that I realized how lonely and sad life is for her. In the end, when your family members are dead, you're left with God. God watched over you when you're celebrating, when you f things up, when you're feelign like a loser and in the end, when you die. Reality sinks in like a ton of bricks.
It's been 3 days since the grad ceremony, and i keep asking myself this question. Why am i still sad?
I knew it was coming. I knew it 3 years ago, when I first stepped into DID, that it would be tough to let go, to leave everything behind. DID has consumed such a big part of my life that now, again, I realize, it's like losing a family, 2nd family to be exact. I wouldnt trade this whole experience, not for a million bucks, not even if you mail Chester to me by UPS. I've been bracing myself for this loss but somehow, this sense of emptiness still lingers. There's this gaping hole in me and i'm left to fill it up with other stuff that's yet to come or happen. Now im just going with the flow i guess. See what life has in store for me. If this path that i've chosen sucks, then it's adios amigos baby.
Bittersweet are the memories that I have. Heck, thanks to everyone who entered my life, by accident or not, and made these 3 years the best years of my life. Wonder if I will meet these blessed, talented and whacked people again. I guess that's for God to know and for us to sit back and think about. Till then, all the best to DID graduates of 2006. If anyone gets famous in 5 or 10 years time, save an autograph for me...;p
Alighted from the bus and saw a familiar hunched figure walking slowly in front. It was great grand aunt, late grandma's relative. Walked over to her, asked how she was, where she was heading, why she's still going back and forth from jb to singapore. She's already 85 for god's sake. Her reply drove me tears, well, let's not elaborate. Then she asked me who I was, I said my mum's name and off she went about my late grandma. My tears were welling up and I was almost on the brink of crying my eyes out but there were too many people watching. I walked off after giving her some cash. I was sniffing and sobbing while trying to cover my face with my fringe. It was right then and there, that I realized how lonely and sad life is for her. In the end, when your family members are dead, you're left with God. God watched over you when you're celebrating, when you f things up, when you're feelign like a loser and in the end, when you die. Reality sinks in like a ton of bricks.
It's been 3 days since the grad ceremony, and i keep asking myself this question. Why am i still sad?
I knew it was coming. I knew it 3 years ago, when I first stepped into DID, that it would be tough to let go, to leave everything behind. DID has consumed such a big part of my life that now, again, I realize, it's like losing a family, 2nd family to be exact. I wouldnt trade this whole experience, not for a million bucks, not even if you mail Chester to me by UPS. I've been bracing myself for this loss but somehow, this sense of emptiness still lingers. There's this gaping hole in me and i'm left to fill it up with other stuff that's yet to come or happen. Now im just going with the flow i guess. See what life has in store for me. If this path that i've chosen sucks, then it's adios amigos baby.
Bittersweet are the memories that I have. Heck, thanks to everyone who entered my life, by accident or not, and made these 3 years the best years of my life. Wonder if I will meet these blessed, talented and whacked people again. I guess that's for God to know and for us to sit back and think about. Till then, all the best to DID graduates of 2006. If anyone gets famous in 5 or 10 years time, save an autograph for me...;p
Friday, July 07, 2006
grad pic
Colleen finally is in. But i was sooooooo faaaarrrr from LEHNING......man....i was standing beside him in the first place u noe. And then the bengap year 3 dunno how to take photo seh, blur nak mampus.......
Guess who's not in the picture? 
Me and Abel...hehehehehe
Finally, an AFM portrait, with colleen missing, AGAIN...The old dude looks so small. 
Norain, nad and me... 
Look at how CLOSE Abel and norain are...Hmmmmm.. 
All smiles, except dat the selenge colleen was m.i.a aftermath grad day
The grad ceremony was a lame event lah to tell you the truth. It was raining in the morning, the guest speaker droned on about stuff and i felt sleepy and hungry. But after that we took photos. Well, sad to say, we only took a few. Most of the time, we were standing and just looking around. I guess, secretly, everyone was breathing in the poly air or aura, for the last time..... There were no wailing or tears leakage, thank god for that, only happy and glad faces. People were smiling and talking. It was soo nice to see the people whom you slaved through the 3 year ID course. Bh was botak, like edgar and ys but he really looked like a japanese soldier..haha.. Ys was blooody thin i tell you and junxian looked like he has not gone out into the sun for a month, so pale that he looked scary..haha......
The girls were the same..the lecturers..haha, the old dude looked thinner and so was Sab. But lehning, OH MY GOD!!! So tembam. Took picture with him at the studio, cheh, had to stand in front, away from him... WHY????? Not fair seh, just because im short. Think i'll upload the pictures tml...so that u can see how happy we were....Till then, ciao cincao..
The girls were the same..the lecturers..haha, the old dude looked thinner and so was Sab. But lehning, OH MY GOD!!! So tembam. Took picture with him at the studio, cheh, had to stand in front, away from him... WHY????? Not fair seh, just because im short. Think i'll upload the pictures tml...so that u can see how happy we were....Till then, ciao cincao..
Wednesday, July 05, 2006
big day tml
Tomorrow is like the BIG DAY..Im excited, sad, nervous and happy at the same time. Its like im in a whirlwind of emotions. For the love of Nietzsche, why do i feel this way? Its ONLY a graduation ceremony for god's sake. Cant wait to see everyone. I think norain's sending out sms'es to our cubby people to have one last lepak session tomorrow after the ceremony. Have i said that i cant wait to see everyone? Really man, i feel like jumping up and down like a 3 year old kid. But at the back of my mind i know, this might be the last time that i'll ever see the ID people. Sad but true. I cant believe im writing this but I LOVE YOU GUYS!!!! Yeah, including the lecturers and the irritating and annoying assholes in our course. If i could turn back time, i'd still have chosen ID as my first choice. Sigh..... Cant wait to see everyone!!!!!
I guess tomorrow all of us will be camera whoring away. Woohoo..Must remind myself to charge my digicam and clear away the unwanted photos inside. I will take pictures with my buddies and of course the lecturers..ehehehe, must take picture with lehning first. Heard from norain that he's getting chubbier..I LOIKE....haha..oh, and bapak also, but must take with him and Sab lah, both of them are like siamese twins. Why the hell am i planning who to take pictures with? Frankly speaking, im scared. Scared that i might trip on stage or get barred from getting in the convention centre for whatever reasons and scared that i'll be late. My, my, paranoia sets in again ar?
Haiz.....i remember writing a poem but forgot to bring it leh. Nothing doing, i will test my memory power right now
Harbouring the shame
and a bruised ego
i walk around town
with a sore heart
i thought i meant the world to you
but somehow
it was the other way around
How can you look into my eyes and
expect me to say everything's cool
when all i feel like doing is
to drop dead in front of you.
Why does seeing your smile makes me feel like soaring
when at the same time
i feel like being skinned alive?
Maybe then the pain will stop
Maybe then the love will go
But then i know
that in the back of my mind
there will always be you
I guess tomorrow all of us will be camera whoring away. Woohoo..Must remind myself to charge my digicam and clear away the unwanted photos inside. I will take pictures with my buddies and of course the lecturers..ehehehe, must take picture with lehning first. Heard from norain that he's getting chubbier..I LOIKE....haha..oh, and bapak also, but must take with him and Sab lah, both of them are like siamese twins. Why the hell am i planning who to take pictures with? Frankly speaking, im scared. Scared that i might trip on stage or get barred from getting in the convention centre for whatever reasons and scared that i'll be late. My, my, paranoia sets in again ar?
Haiz.....i remember writing a poem but forgot to bring it leh. Nothing doing, i will test my memory power right now
Harbouring the shame
and a bruised ego
i walk around town
with a sore heart
i thought i meant the world to you
but somehow
it was the other way around
How can you look into my eyes and
expect me to say everything's cool
when all i feel like doing is
to drop dead in front of you.
Why does seeing your smile makes me feel like soaring
when at the same time
i feel like being skinned alive?
Maybe then the pain will stop
Maybe then the love will go
But then i know
that in the back of my mind
there will always be you
Tuesday, July 04, 2006
poo
My god, yesterday night was the worst day of everyone's life. Well, for the ones who took the 9plus pm train at raffles place to be exact. There was a bomb, NO, NOT that bomb but a STINK BOMB. Someone must have had a bad stomach ache and he/she/it /whatever RELEASED it in the train.
At first, when i boarded the train at raffles, there was no stink but then at outram or tiong bahru, there were WHIFFS of it. So, a few people at my area were checking their shoes to see if they stepped on dog crap. I was soooo tempted to check my flip flops for dog crap but then i remembered that i had been walking on pavements, not grass. So anyway, we thought it was nothing. Until at first a malay couple crossed over to the cabin on my right (i was standing at the connecting rubber thingy) . Then the stink got worst and a lot more people crossed over to the other side. We were like looking over to the right (or left) at whatever which made that smell. And guess what we saw, a pile of crap which looks like dog crap. But the thing is it cant be dog crap because we're not ALLOWED to bring animals on the train and furthermore, dog crap and people's crap smells different.
A lot of people were covering their noses and some looked like they were about to barf. The disgusting thing was, one apek still sat in FRONT of that pile of crap. And he could still talk on the phone, in front of the bloody, stinking crap.I MEAN DOESNT HE HAVE A NOSE OR SOMETHING??? Maybe, he did it? I have no idea. Two guys in front of me were like asking each other if they knew or saw who did it but no one knew. Man it was disgusting. I had to move to the other cabin too since it got stronger, had to breahte through my mouth which made me look like a fish out of water.
So inconsiderate righ? I mean if you cant tahan, then drop off at the next station lah. Like what i told norain, if i know who did it, i will curse the person, aku sumpah 1 bulan ar pant*t dia tersumbat. Stupid asshole. Oops, enough of my cursing the satan who did the unhumanely thing yesterday night, got lots of work to do. Ciao cincao.
At first, when i boarded the train at raffles, there was no stink but then at outram or tiong bahru, there were WHIFFS of it. So, a few people at my area were checking their shoes to see if they stepped on dog crap. I was soooo tempted to check my flip flops for dog crap but then i remembered that i had been walking on pavements, not grass. So anyway, we thought it was nothing. Until at first a malay couple crossed over to the cabin on my right (i was standing at the connecting rubber thingy) . Then the stink got worst and a lot more people crossed over to the other side. We were like looking over to the right (or left) at whatever which made that smell. And guess what we saw, a pile of crap which looks like dog crap. But the thing is it cant be dog crap because we're not ALLOWED to bring animals on the train and furthermore, dog crap and people's crap smells different.
A lot of people were covering their noses and some looked like they were about to barf. The disgusting thing was, one apek still sat in FRONT of that pile of crap. And he could still talk on the phone, in front of the bloody, stinking crap.I MEAN DOESNT HE HAVE A NOSE OR SOMETHING??? Maybe, he did it? I have no idea. Two guys in front of me were like asking each other if they knew or saw who did it but no one knew. Man it was disgusting. I had to move to the other cabin too since it got stronger, had to breahte through my mouth which made me look like a fish out of water.
So inconsiderate righ? I mean if you cant tahan, then drop off at the next station lah. Like what i told norain, if i know who did it, i will curse the person, aku sumpah 1 bulan ar pant*t dia tersumbat. Stupid asshole. Oops, enough of my cursing the satan who did the unhumanely thing yesterday night, got lots of work to do. Ciao cincao.
Monday, July 03, 2006
mwm
Actually, what I wanted to write about was the malay writing week or month or whatever it is which starts this month. Heh, got confused with the timing leh. Im not going to write in malay anymore. Not because my malay sucks but because it always ends up sounding like im writing a poem or a typical malay soppy I lost my love, he made my life hell and im dying of cancer kind of novel. And if im not writing it that way, it will be like the bahasa pasar which is kind of not appropriate or nice. Nope, never going to blog in malay again. Anyway, back to the malay writing thingy.
We are suppose to write about the malay culture, social stuff and our language. Well, our language is beautiful but the thing is, my generation and the younger ones, dont really appreciate it. Yeap, we misuse it by jumbling it up with English, Chinese and tamil or hindi in some cases. But the adults cant blame us. Blame it on the education system.
You see, what I can remember about malay lessons in primary school was that it was a time to joke around with your friends and to finish up the assignment as fast as possible. And in the later primary school years, it was the time when I found out there was such a thing as teachers pet, biasness and profanities. Ooooh, yes, I started that bad habit in primary school. Tsk, tsk, tsk.
Then came secondary school, it was an awkward moment where emotions were fragile and loneliness was felt even though youre in a room full of crazy and screaming juveniles. The first 2 years of malay lessons has got to be the most boringest, I know there’s no such word, lesson. My long lost buddy ,still lost in planet Pluto, and I spent the 1 hour or so crapping and bitching about our malay teacher. And all that I can remember was that I got sent out of the classroom twice for talking. One time it was only me sitting on the cold hard cement floor. God, that was soo embarrassing. The final two years was more intense because we had Cikgu Sahlan as our malay teacher. He was scary, a bit temperamental and a very loud person. But hes cool. Thats when we realize that our malay was not quite atrocious but not excellent either. Man, we didnt even know what kata majmuk was. Bengap eh?
And poly life was, how do I say it, there was no malay lesson at all. We were invited to join the malay club thingy but being the shy, unsociable person that I am, I didnt bother. Yes, I AM SHY. I couldnt go through another round of introducing myself to strangers because I was still in shock after getting the taste of ID life. Furthermore, we were so caught up in our projects that we had no time to think of cca. And for the whole 3 years, every conversation we had was in English. We still converse in English even when we were among our own people. And up till now, that voice in my head is not in malay but in English. Can you believe it? So this answers Xians question about the dream with the Dalai Lama. They were talking to me in English.
So, what should be done by the education system now?
1. Organise monthly or yearly trips to any malay heritage place.
2. Organize scriptwriting, songwriting or essay writing competition in malay, since young people nowadays love to sing, write and blah, blah, blah
3. Make it compulsory to speak proper malay during malay lessons, and sue the people who speak in english.
Well, thats all that I could come out with. Not much help right? But its a start. I dont know if theyve done this now but there was none of this during my time. So lets hope that the generations of malay to come would respect the language more than we do now. Heck, I hope they still know how to speak malay by that time.
We are suppose to write about the malay culture, social stuff and our language. Well, our language is beautiful but the thing is, my generation and the younger ones, dont really appreciate it. Yeap, we misuse it by jumbling it up with English, Chinese and tamil or hindi in some cases. But the adults cant blame us. Blame it on the education system.
You see, what I can remember about malay lessons in primary school was that it was a time to joke around with your friends and to finish up the assignment as fast as possible. And in the later primary school years, it was the time when I found out there was such a thing as teachers pet, biasness and profanities. Ooooh, yes, I started that bad habit in primary school. Tsk, tsk, tsk.
Then came secondary school, it was an awkward moment where emotions were fragile and loneliness was felt even though youre in a room full of crazy and screaming juveniles. The first 2 years of malay lessons has got to be the most boringest, I know there’s no such word, lesson. My long lost buddy ,still lost in planet Pluto, and I spent the 1 hour or so crapping and bitching about our malay teacher. And all that I can remember was that I got sent out of the classroom twice for talking. One time it was only me sitting on the cold hard cement floor. God, that was soo embarrassing. The final two years was more intense because we had Cikgu Sahlan as our malay teacher. He was scary, a bit temperamental and a very loud person. But hes cool. Thats when we realize that our malay was not quite atrocious but not excellent either. Man, we didnt even know what kata majmuk was. Bengap eh?
And poly life was, how do I say it, there was no malay lesson at all. We were invited to join the malay club thingy but being the shy, unsociable person that I am, I didnt bother. Yes, I AM SHY. I couldnt go through another round of introducing myself to strangers because I was still in shock after getting the taste of ID life. Furthermore, we were so caught up in our projects that we had no time to think of cca. And for the whole 3 years, every conversation we had was in English. We still converse in English even when we were among our own people. And up till now, that voice in my head is not in malay but in English. Can you believe it? So this answers Xians question about the dream with the Dalai Lama. They were talking to me in English.
So, what should be done by the education system now?
1. Organise monthly or yearly trips to any malay heritage place.
2. Organize scriptwriting, songwriting or essay writing competition in malay, since young people nowadays love to sing, write and blah, blah, blah
3. Make it compulsory to speak proper malay during malay lessons, and sue the people who speak in english.
Well, thats all that I could come out with. Not much help right? But its a start. I dont know if theyve done this now but there was none of this during my time. So lets hope that the generations of malay to come would respect the language more than we do now. Heck, I hope they still know how to speak malay by that time.
I DONT CARE!!!!!!!!!!!!
Everything feels like crap today. No, to be exact its been like crap ever since i finished school. Is it just me or was i born with the heck care attitude or i've mastered it to perfection ever since secondary school? I just dont care about work. I dont care if the fucking new project will look like shit or if the client will kick my ass over the fucking sodding 3d. I dont care if i get fired and i dont care about the stupid lame grad ceremony on thurs. I dont care about money. I dont want money, i just want peace. I dont want anymore responsibilities. I dont want people calling me up and asking what's this, or can they come over or can i do that for them. Well people, go and fuck yourself first before asking me to do stupid redundant stuff for you. I dont know you and i dont like you and i jolly well dont want to work or be associated with you. I cant help being excited over a new project and then slowly that feeling will extinguish and im back to square one, I DONT BLOODY CARE!!!
To tell you the truth, i dont care if there's an earthquake right now, i just want to hide in a small hole, far from anyone, where no one can contact me, and i just want to sit in that hole and rot till eternity. God, im so pissed off with everything... Well, let me tear some pieces of paper or smash the terracotta tiles on my head, then i hope everything will be fine and dandy. YEAH RIGHT!!!
@%&(**%^J)(*_)(%##$@&^%^#%$@#$@
To tell you the truth, i dont care if there's an earthquake right now, i just want to hide in a small hole, far from anyone, where no one can contact me, and i just want to sit in that hole and rot till eternity. God, im so pissed off with everything... Well, let me tear some pieces of paper or smash the terracotta tiles on my head, then i hope everything will be fine and dandy. YEAH RIGHT!!!
@%&(**%^J)(*_)(%##$@&^%^#%$@#$@
Saturday, July 01, 2006
test
Test...
Test...1,2
Heh, weird right, the new skin. Wish i know how to design my own layout so that i dont have to go copying other people's skins. I WANT MY OWN SKIN!!! So if anybody knows how to go about designing a blogskin, please, please tell me how.....
Anyway, i dont know how may times i've said this but i just hate, loathe and despise working on saturdays. I dont know how people can survive working full time on weekends. I, for one, cannot take it. Half the time, i'll be staring off into space or reading today newspaper. Can you believe it? I, diana rohani, who cant stand the smell of fresh newspapers, resorted to reading the TODAY newspaper which has that really, really, really strong ink smell which is so damn asphyxiating. Haiz...
Anyway, my 2nd sis birthday is tomorrow and i've yet to buy her a present. I think she said something about a nice bag at bugis....Hmmm....
Graduation ceremony is like in 5 or 6 days time. What do i feel? Sad? Definitely. I love school, i'd love to be studying all my life (not those secondary and primary school kind of stuff, that's all crap). But change is inevitable, just like death is. All of us have to move on sooner or later. Just hope that i'll still be in contact with the ID people, especially the whacked people at my cubby. Ahh..i miss the design studio life. Cheh, dont tell me im going to one of my 'reminiscing mood' again.. oh well, i've still got work to do...Ciao cincao....
Test...1,2
Heh, weird right, the new skin. Wish i know how to design my own layout so that i dont have to go copying other people's skins. I WANT MY OWN SKIN!!! So if anybody knows how to go about designing a blogskin, please, please tell me how.....
Anyway, i dont know how may times i've said this but i just hate, loathe and despise working on saturdays. I dont know how people can survive working full time on weekends. I, for one, cannot take it. Half the time, i'll be staring off into space or reading today newspaper. Can you believe it? I, diana rohani, who cant stand the smell of fresh newspapers, resorted to reading the TODAY newspaper which has that really, really, really strong ink smell which is so damn asphyxiating. Haiz...
Anyway, my 2nd sis birthday is tomorrow and i've yet to buy her a present. I think she said something about a nice bag at bugis....Hmmm....
Graduation ceremony is like in 5 or 6 days time. What do i feel? Sad? Definitely. I love school, i'd love to be studying all my life (not those secondary and primary school kind of stuff, that's all crap). But change is inevitable, just like death is. All of us have to move on sooner or later. Just hope that i'll still be in contact with the ID people, especially the whacked people at my cubby. Ahh..i miss the design studio life. Cheh, dont tell me im going to one of my 'reminiscing mood' again.. oh well, i've still got work to do...Ciao cincao....
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