sadness

Its raining, again.At times like this, especially when you're all alone, you cant help but be swpet away by a torrent of emotions and be burdened by a multitude of questions. I cant hlep but to take it all in. Heck, that's what i've been doing all this time, submitting myself to all the external and not to forget the internal forces or battles around and within me.

Alighted from the bus and saw a familiar hunched figure walking slowly in front. It was great grand aunt, late grandma's relative. Walked over to her, asked how she was, where she was heading, why she's still going back and forth from jb to singapore. She's already 85 for god's sake. Her reply drove me tears, well, let's not elaborate. Then she asked me who I was, I said my mum's name and off she went about my late grandma. My tears were welling up and I was almost on the brink of crying my eyes out but there were too many people watching. I walked off after giving her some cash. I was sniffing and sobbing while trying to cover my face with my fringe. It was right then and there, that I realized how lonely and sad life is for her. In the end, when your family members are dead, you're left with God. God watched over you when you're celebrating, when you f things up, when you're feelign like a loser and in the end, when you die. Reality sinks in like a ton of bricks.

It's been 3 days since the grad ceremony, and i keep asking myself this question. Why am i still sad?

I knew it was coming. I knew it 3 years ago, when I first stepped into DID, that it would be tough to let go, to leave everything behind. DID has consumed such a big part of my life that now, again, I realize, it's like losing a family, 2nd family to be exact. I wouldnt trade this whole experience, not for a million bucks, not even if you mail Chester to me by UPS. I've been bracing myself for this loss but somehow, this sense of emptiness still lingers. There's this gaping hole in me and i'm left to fill it up with other stuff that's yet to come or happen. Now im just going with the flow i guess. See what life has in store for me. If this path that i've chosen sucks, then it's adios amigos baby.

Bittersweet are the memories that I have. Heck, thanks to everyone who entered my life, by accident or not, and made these 3 years the best years of my life. Wonder if I will meet these blessed, talented and whacked people again. I guess that's for God to know and for us to sit back and think about. Till then, all the best to DID graduates of 2006. If anyone gets famous in 5 or 10 years time, save an autograph for me...;p