Fuck off.

I cried, after putting down the phone, i cried like a stupid loser. Yes, because everyone is making me feel like a loser. WHY? Why is it always me who's doing the wrong thing? Its always me who never discuss with my team members, its always me who doesnt know stuff, its always me who doesnt organise meeting, ME, ME, ME. Its always my fucking fault. And now i feel like crying again because yeah, its my fault. I can never seem to do anything right kan? Everything i do always turn up like fuck. I always mess things up. And yes, im reduced to tears again. I want to scream out in anger but i cant find the anger. My helplessness has overcomed that anger. I cant scream out fuck you bastard cos i have lost my anger. Fuck.

Can i ask you something? Why does it feel like you are forsaking me? Why does it seem like you have plans for everybody else and you've left me out, like im on the naughty list or something? Why is everything like fuck???Im tired of all this crap. So damn freaking tired. of all the stupid politics, problems, unresolved issues.What have i done to deserve all this fuck? WHY?? Every morning i wake up and i ask myself why? Why do i have to do this? Why God? Why? i dont think i have the patience to go through all this. i want out, of everything.life sucks and apparently, i suck too, apparently i am nothing, a speck of dust seems to get more attention and respect from people than me.

i wish i could just rot and die.i wish a train would run over me, a car, a truck, whatever. i just want to die, that's all i want right now. i hate my job, i hate those people, i hate my life, i hate myself. please, just let a lightning struck me. Maybe all these people will sleep better at night without seeing my stupid face and hearing my stupid voice.