Im bored...of life.. Why do we always miss those things which we used to be sick of,as in menyampah and bosan. Yup, im talking about school, poly life. I miss those days, the company, the projects that the lecturers keep shoving into our faces and of course, i miss lazing around, pretending we have nothing to do when our schedule is soo jam packed. I miss being a student and i know my mates miss it too.
We led such a carefree life, the only things we have to think about are our concepts, when to print and other small stuff. But when you're working, ITS REAL. This involves money and your reputation as a designer. I never thought it would be so lonely but here i am. All Alone. Designing is suppose to be fun. How many times do i have tell her that ITS SUPPOSE TO BE FUN!!!
Sometimes, when we're having one of our small talks, she'll ask me why i dont want to study abroad. Told her i cant afford it and she goes on sneering at me. ' You're not trying that's why. You're just plain lazy to go for something. What a weakling'. Well, i almost gave her a punch on the face if not for the fact that.... Hmm, maybe what she says is true but i cant jolly well drop everything i have and force my parents to go out and borrow a few thousand bucks from the bank right? That's just too selfish and self centered. I cant force them to sacrifice everything for me when i still have 3 sisters schooling.
Cant blame them for how things turned out now, since they dont have financial planning last time. My parents are not that well educated so i cant expect them to know what it feels like to dream of accomplishing something big in life. But sometimes, i do get pissed off with them. I mean, why do they get married without any plans for us all, for our future? Why have 4 children when you know its gonna get difficult in life later? Why?? I feel like i dont want to get married and have kids in the future. So much responsibilities. You have to think of the present and the future of not only yourself but your offsprings. You have to plan your finances and carry it out properly. Plus you have to be not that fucking rich but have a lot of money to have children. Its almost like an investment.
I seriously dont want to get married, have kids, stay at the same place forever, have a boring job, grow old and end up at a retirement home. That's just too boring. I want to travel, anywhere. I dont want to stay at one place forever. I want to meet new, interesting and different people. Doesnt matter if i dont fit in, i dont want to fit in, i just want to see, hear, learn new stuff and from there, i want to contribute to the society. Haiz... this is too much to ask for, yes i know im greedy. But i've never wanted anything so desperately before (well, if you discount the fact that i want to see/hug/kiss chester soo much), i seriously want this. Please God, i want this soo bad, i wont ask for anything else. Just make this dream come true.
'Pathetic'
Oh, shut up you bitch.
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