dying

This friday-3.30 pm-Submission for the WS project. Total of 6 a2 boards.

Im dying but i dont think anyone cares. Can i make it? Stupid question, by hook or by hook kena finish everything. Hope i dont have to present but, dream on lah. Mama Yoda told me that she wants me to head the presentation (in front of old farts) so i will have to present. But the pressure is killing me. So many projects to finish up. Everything is always put on hold when there's submission for tender. And guess who has clear all the backlog. No, not the ghost in this house but MOI. God, i feel like dropping dead right now. And yes, will have to continue work at home later. Nice man.

Anyway, guess what we did for mother's day? Nope, i didnt do the tamil version of the ibu song for my mum (which i would've if i know the lyrics). We went to the cemetery to visit my grandparents grave, due to my insistence that we should go. Its been months since we went there. I had been dreaming of my grandma and seriously, couldn't sleep well for the past few months. So on the way there, the mood was kind of melancholic. We just kept quiet. It was even worst when we got there. There's this certain sadness and what's that word...Erm, alah, in malay its sayu yang teramat sangat. Its very hard for me to describe, there's also the feeling of lost or void to be exact. If you've lost someone then you will understand what i mean. It was hot but a bit windy, so that sadness and melancholy just lingers. Tried hard to control myself but i just had to let it out. Miss her so much that it hurts sometimes to be reminded of the fact that she's gone.

The thing about death and memories is that its never tepat. I dont know what the hell im crapping about. Its just that even though i try hard to remember, the memories just fade away as the days go by. That sucks. I dont ever want to forget. But like someone said, i am but human. i dont want it to end up like the merlin story..

" Once you are forgotten, you cease to exist."

That's very sad, dont you think so? All the graves left for centuries to come and no one remembers to drop by just to say a little prayer or to trim the weeds. Waiting and longing for your loved ones to turn up. Sad, very sad. Now, i'll go back and try not to think more about this or else i'll get depressed, which by the way i already am.Ciao