Lunatic's Confessions.

I read KX's blog about today being the last friday of the year. It just makes me feel so sad. We're closing one chapter of our lives and opening a new one. 'Leaving' 2006... its like leaving your love. Well, i dont know how it feels like to leave your love but anyhoo, im getting into the melancholic and reminiscing mode now, so bear with me.

This year has been crazy, what with trying to stay sane and finish up DID, then graduating, then thinking and planning for the 'future' and then getting shoved into the working life. Work has been crazy as well, no doubt about it. Lost a few relatives, 3 grand uncles passed away. Lost weight due to work (this is good actually, i can finally proudly proclaim that i can fit into a 25 inch jeans. HAHAHA). Lost my mind a couple of times. Lost hope. Loss, that's what 2006 is all about. And i just got to know from mum that the old man's company will be shutting down on 28th February next year. So that's one more loss. Im just wondering, anymore losses for me within these 2 days before 2007 comes barging in the front door?

Yeah, i know, that wasnt funny. I want to laugh but it feels like i might just cry out instead. The laughter and the tears are stuck together. Mum told me she's stressed out right now. That's so like her, to be stressed out over things like these. I know, this is a serious issue but its not the end of the world. There are other jobs out there, its just a matter of finding it.

It feels like im carrying the burden of the world on me. I feel so lonely, very lonely actually. I dont know who i am anymore. Who is Diana, Nana and Di?I feel like i am 2 or 3 different people each day.Its like im acting out what each character will do, say or feel. What the fuck, im not making sense now.

I've realised that im the sentimental one. I never liked throwing away stuff, especially papers with notes, scribbles, sketches, numbers and doodles. I never threw away notebooks, especially the half filled ones. I never threw away birthday cards, shopping bags, empty perfume bottles, receipts, letters from BFF's in primary and secondary school, yearbooks and even blurred photos. I always hold on to the thought or the idea that these things are valuable and will be of use in the future. I still kept the unused wood from past projects, and i tore apart my t3 from year 2 (it was a tough decision, either the whole model goes or it stays, but in pieces). I kept the my onto too, i dont know what for since its cheapo wood. But yeah, i tend to hold on to things which relate to other memories.

Man, this entry is boring, so lets tukar channel pulak. Oh, people usually write new year's resolution right around this time right? I wrote one once during year 1 of DID. I can still picture the layout on my black notebook and my scrawny handwriting all over, though i cant remember what i wrote. What i can remember is that i didnt get to achieve most of it. So i'll just make a new list for next year, even though i might forget about it in a couple of days.

Resolutions for the YEAR 2007

1. Buy more jeans
2. Lose a few more inches off my waist and thighs
3. Curl my hair when it grows longer
4. Buy the Gola shoe that looks sooo coool.
5. Get a new pair of specs.
6. Buy the books, cds, dvd which i had intended to get (built upon love by alberto perez gomez, the cabinet of Dr caligari, just to name a few)

ok, ok, these are the serious resolutions...

7. Save money, save money, save money!!!! ( just in case i nak kawin ke ape, HAHA, actually this is so that i can go Uni lah)
8. Take driving course, 3d course (to brush up on my bad 3d skills) and maybe journalism course (who knows i might be a journalist or something, haha) Note to self: this is depending on whether i have the time and money.
9. Learn to shedule my time properly, do up daily working schedule every friday, organise my files in an ORGANISED manner.
10. Try to smile more (like real, i've nothing else to write lah)

Yeah, so that's it lah. I wanted to write 'get a boyfriend' at number 10 but that just seems so wrong, and not to mention desparate, so, yar. Here's wishing that hopefully the year 2007 will bring joy to everyone, and may everyone be more patient, courteous, strong willed, and yada, yada, yada.

I pray to God that He gives us the strength, courage and patience for whatever He has planned for us.