Lunatic's Confessions.

You know, that application form for RMIT is still hidden in between all the a4 papers of scribbles and sketches. Up till now, i didnt have the courage to fill it in. I've told no one about it, well, except for a few people. I didnt even tell my mom that i printed out the form 6 months ago.

Have you ever felt the sense of hopelessness? Its like sadness, only worst. It eats you up slowly until happiness is just a smile on the face. That's what i've been feeling. Im stuck between what im dreaming to achieve and what im capable of achieving, which is sadly nothing. Some people say that i can make it, but i just cant help feeling that what they're saying is just a whole lotta crap. Im delusional, by thinking that im a creative designer, a writer, and other things which im too lazy to list.

Who am i actually? What am i going to be when i 'grow' up? I just want to be learning, designing and writing about architecture, its histories and theories behind the architectural buildings and design. Is that too much to ask for?

Im guessing that the rmit form will forever be left amidst the chaos of papers, blank notebooks and AIA insurance letters, never to be filled in and posted.

So the question is, why am i still keeping it?