Shit..

Sigh..felt like shit yesterday.. Felt like dying. No idea why. Felt like everything that’s happening right now is shit. My head was muddled and I couldn’t think properly. There was a fu*king black cloud in my mind. Pissed over a lot of things and couldn’t stand the sight of the butter papers. I messed up my table and Norain’s too. Just imagine, ME, a neat freak, having butter papers all over my table. Couldn’t be bothered to arrange the papers in an orderly fashion, Norain will know what I mean by this.
It was also so damn cold even though I opened the bloody window. Waited for the old dude then he said he can see me at around 12 plus. Darah naik seh. Then I got so engrossed that I didn’t even realize that he came. How can I not realize that the old dude was there? It’s all because of the bloody plans. I hate it so much that I feel like tearing it up. Was drawing out the levels on butter paper and I was so close to it that I might just end up drawing with my nose. Well, I’m exaggerating at this point, hehe. Anyway, you might be wondering why im so pissed with my design. Hmm.. All I can say is, im staying focused on being pissed off with everything. I love this feeling. Actually I don’t like being pissed but.. let’s change the subject.
Now I remember what I felt yesterday. Yes, I wanted to..how do I say it.. be devoid of any feelings. Sometimes I just hate myself for doing things that are so stupid. Cant give you any examples right now, there’s just too much. Desire, I hate it. I hate this word. Desire in terms of wanting that shoe, that bag, that ice cream (ok, bad example) and etc,etc,etc. Yes, being materialistic. I feel like slapping myself in the face when I say I want that shoe or I want that haircut. Guilty, no idea but it feels like I’ve sinned when I expressed the desire. It’s almost the same as admitting that im being greedy and ungrateful for what God has given me. Heh, you must be thinking that im going loco right? That’s fine with me. Everyone’s been labeling me mad or crazy. But I love the term Pisser. Haha.. I think I’ll tuck in right now. Im so damn tired of staring at the comp screen, and not to forget the bloody butter papers.