Blah...

I cant help but wonder about racism, which is apparent in the studio. Im not about to dwell on it right now because you will say that im being over-sensitive over small things. But small things matter to a small individual like me. I have had enough of just observing the biasness and injustice all around me but as I said earlier, im not going to talk about it. I don’t want to be pissed over something that is inevitable.
So, the 5th issue was given to the old dude by our ally, Sabrina. Haha..the picture by Paul Klee really does look like him. Trust Norain to see the resemblance.. Ehem, ehem..
Norain, you know what I mean.. Hahaha. Anyway, I couldnt make the issue more insulting because I had insulted the old dude lots of time and it would be stupid to put the insults when he knows it came from me. Sigh.. now ive got to think of a topic for our beloved Junxian. I dont understand why he needs a topic. Just write what you observed for the two weeks after the 5th issue lah Bro. Its so simple dude. I dont know what else to do for my project. Ive got no mood for it, everytime I want to start on it, a killer headache will engulf my brain. Wait, that sounds weird. Agh. Whatever…you know what I mean..
‘Will to power’, this came from Heidegger or Nietzsche, I cant really remember. But this will drives you to do the things you do. So this makes me think of DID students. I think its not only the will but the paranoia that drives me, and us all. I mean, like in the studio, you know that you have to show drawings but when you see everyone having details and all that stuff, that little-voice-inside goes “Hey, they’ve got details, what the hell have you got? Produce some details you idiot!!” Haha.. you can laugh but I bet this is what you heard.. Well, this voice could be the voice of Abel though.. Hehe.. Since he’s the perfectionist. Ok, going back to paranoia, I don’t feel like elaborating more because you know what I mean. Its in all of us, you just have to observe yourself, what you said, how you talk and your facial expressions. Im not saying that im good at observing myself. Sometimes im shocked when people say that I look as though im going to kill someone.
Hey, this reminds me of the old dude. He was sitting between me and Norain, waiting for her to show him the drawings. That’s when he took my model and moved it closer to him, to visualize what thing, I have no idea. I was trying to draw the perspective that time and he got the cheeks to move it. So I looked at him and waited for him to say something but he just sat back and looked at the model. So I stared at him and he gave a silly face before putting the model back. Then you know what he said, “If looks could kill..” I was like, “Yar, if only”. Hah, whatever lah old dude.. it seems as though im always the bad one and, ya, before I forgot, Norain asked Sabrina who was crazier between the two of us. You know what Sab said? She said that Norain is the loud, open crazy while im the silent crazy and that’s what makes us compatible. My god, that wasnt what I wanted to hear, as far as im concerned, only Norain is crazy. Really.. Hehehe..
Here’s the lyrics to a song that is melancholic and sad but beautiful at the same time. Dont know whether you have heard of it but I recommend it to you guys. Once you listened to it, thats it, you are hooked. I have got to eat , I promise to write in when Im pissed again. Ciao..


I walk a lonely road
The only one that I have ever known
Don’t know where it goes
But its only me and I walk alone
I walk this empty street
On the boulevard of broken dreams
Where the city sleeps
And im the only one and I walk alone
I walk alone, I walk alone
I walk alone, I walk alone

My shadow’s the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart’s the only thing that’s bleeding
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
Till then I walk alone

Im walking down the line
That divides me somewhere in my mind
On the borderline of the edge
And where I walk alone
Meet between the line
Whats fucked up then everythings alright
Check my vital signs
I know im still alive and I walk alone
I walk alone, I walk alone
I walk alone, I walk alone

My shadow’s the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart’s the only thing that’s bleeding
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
Till then I walk alone

I walk alone, I walk…

I walk this empty street
On the boulevard of broken dreams
Where the city sleeps
And im the only one and I walk alone

My shadow’s the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart’s the only thing that’s bleeding
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
Till then I walk alone

Green Day-Boulevard Of Broken Dreams
15/01/05, 3PM