Hater

Don’t you just hate those people who think they are the superior beings? I really hate it. I really loathe these kind of people, lets just call them the ‘ass souls’. These souls act as though they are better than you and that you can never beat them. There are two categories of these souls, the ‘show off asses’ and the ‘quiet asses’. The category of souls that is most dangerous and who you really have to watch out for are actually the ‘quiet asses’. Why? Well, you can clearly see the ‘show off asses’ as they practically ignore you or look at you as though you are a 1mm thick bacterium or atom, well, something like that lah. But the ‘quiet asses’, woah.. they act as though they’re nice and all that shit when in reality, in their thick, dirty, conniving mind, they feel,well they proclaim that they are superior to you.
The way they react to what you say or do might seem natural but you really have to look and listen hard. The key is to observe the way they talk and reply your questions. Some might reply your question in a joking manner but in reality, they’re just insulting you. You can just sense the tone of..how do I say it, oh yeah, the downgrading tone. Ok, this might not be the correct term, im so pissed off right now that I cant think well. Oh yeah, don’t forget to look out for the questions that they ask you. They might seem to be asking just out of curiosity but really, why are you being so thick?, they just want to know your progress so that they can laugh at you behind your back. But before doing that they will say something like this ‘oh…im already at this stage.. you’re still stuck there.. try harder then’ Hah, they sound sympathetic but they are gloating inside. Gloating and laughing that evil laugh and looking at you with that sneer or that sadistic grin on their faces, wait, I cant say faces because they’ve got a thick wad of masks behind their real face.
The ‘quiet asses’ also act as though they’re trying to help you but please lah, they want to know how clever, I mean, how stupid you are so that they can teach you a bit and you’ll keep going back to them for help. Then they will control what you want to do, where you want to go and what you feel. Don’t bother suggesting stuff to them, they will just say that you’ve got the wrong info or that you didn’t listen in class. Hah!!
Call me a paranoid but if you’ve encountered these assses, then you will know what I mean. Some of them are your so called friends and in some cases your cousins. I’d prefer the ‘show off asses’ to the other type of asses as they are more truthful. So, have fun figuring out which category of asses your friends are. As for me, im not sure which category im in. I might just be in the ‘quiet asses’ category. So, im hating myself I suppose. In that case, fu*k you Di. There, I feel better already.
Want to know something, I wish that I could lace every thing im saying with all the curse words. So that I can get this pissed off feeling away from me, from my mind. But no, some superior beings cum ass souls cant stand me and the noise I make as I curse my fu*king head off. Hey, are they so daft as to think that the abusives are for them? I mean, its as though they have never cursed anyone before(so innocent and cultured yar.. NOT!!) and so they have to cringe every time I scream the bloody fu*k word. Ugh, then they will either go, ‘profane, profane’ or they will give me the pissed off/ flabbergasted face. Its as though they’re still stuck in the fu*king 18th century. No offense to the 18th century people. My goodness, it’s a god damn free country and I cant curse? I.CANT.FU*KING.CURSE.AT.MYSELF??!! Does it mean that im rude, crass and all the other negative stuff when I curse out loud. Does it mean that im not the oh-so-superior Modern man when I curse out loud? Oh yeah, some people even laughed at me when I curse. Ahh, fine, I want to see you laughing your head off after I fu*king curse you!! Assholes.
Anyway, I watched a documentary on Goya yesterday night. Robert Hughes was the host and as usual he talks in a droning voice. It was so difficult trying to stay awake but it was worth it. I got to see his paintings that were so dark, I mean the meaning was dark. It was about witchcraft, religion and the usual, naked women or prostitutes. He was like Munch. He got cuckoo. He got deaf(Munch got blind I think) and kept hearing voices, seeing things and some other stuff that I cant remember. His etchings I think, look so real, especially the ones on the war. The host says that its not clear if he saw the gory scenes as he was in an asylum or something, he might have been imagining it but the paintings were so real. Scenes of men being chopped off and women being raped. But the one that I remembered so vividly was the Spaniard who was about to be executed by the French.
This guy stood in the middle of the painting in a white shirt, a white clean shirt while the rest (his fellow Spaniards) are bloodied, torn and dead. The French guy was holding a bayonet towards him and this Spaniard was looking at him with the look of indifference or something like that. He looked like he didn’t care if he died as he knew that he had served his purpose in life which was to defend his native land. Sigh, I wish I could be crazy like Goya, Munch and all the other artists. Imagine living in a world where what people think doesn’t matter to you. Your days and nights are spent trying to perfect your art, trying to achieve the essence of your subject. Your art is the air that you breathe, the food that you eat, the only thing that you think about . Your art is your life. Imagine that, to be so consumed with your work until you feel that the days are no different from the nights. Imagine trying so hard to show the truth to everyone, so that maybe they will stop all the war and shit all around you. Imagine trying to change the way people think through your art. Sigh, well, I’ll imagine these stuff later. The submission is like, next week and I cant afford to lose time by sitting and staring off into space, imagining that I can change the world. Ciao.