You know what?? Opportunities only comes once, and most of the time people have to look for it or create it themselves in order for them to make a difference in their lives. How come i dont ever feel the pressure to make changes or to be in the spotlight (in a good way)? Why do i always let things slip by only to realise 2 seconds later, that speaking up loudly would've gotten me a step closer to whatever that lies ahead for me (super stardom??LOL)
I think im too carefree/bo chap/laidback in a sense that i've left all my dreams back during my early secondary school days. Even in poly, there was the need to compete with peers but it always left me feeling insecure at the end of the day. With thoughts like 'Even if i study hard, is there any chance 'i'll get to study design overseas?' or 'im not talented at all, why should i do this crap', etc,etc.
Listening to boss just now, i cant help but thank her for everything. The belief that she had in me, the trust and responsibility that she's given and the chances that she has carved out for me these past 2 years, is just immense. And how do i repay her? When things go wrong and i dont know what to do, i retreat into my defense zone and try to find easy way out. Yes, i can be selfish sometimes, Believe it. And when she talked about the scenario where if one day i am capable enough to go to Moscow-or any other european countries to meet clients for meetings on her behalf, i just kind of swelled inside. And i felt a glimmer of hope, no, more like a dream rekindled? Am i even making sense here?
Anyway, what im saying is, in order to be in that position to lead and travel and stuff, im going to make a resolution.
I will start back fresh, to treat every new project with the same kind of excitement and enthusiasm as when i did my first solo project. Even when the people in the team can be major arseholes most of the time, even when they create animosity, i will fight for my right to design. im giving myself one year, cos i really need to study back on the FSSD, the coordination, and also M&E stuff since im the leading beyotch for team Singapore. You know lah, im not really that bright in the brains dept (im not stupid either tau!). And i need to read a lot and experience a few more big solo projects(2 more i think).
Budget terminal proj has really opened my eyes, Im clueless on the submission issues and M&E stuff, so paiseh when landlord ask about this, i always get away with "i'll get back to you asap on this". Yeah, i know, for how long are people gonna buy that shite right? Anyway, i need to work smarter. It's gonna be a hell of a ride again in Sept once most of the projects kick off and im not gonna go home at 9 anymore, 8pm is the latest(unless we've got submission lah).
And im sooo looking forward to this new hotel project..teehee...we'll be designing the office and service apartments and i soo wanna handle this project. Cos boss passed me the plans and briefed me on what to do. Woohooo, a project that is not F&B related. I can die of excitement now..heh. I remembered what i said when we were doing role playing during those english classes in poly, when the lecturer asked me what i thought of problems and how to handle it, i responded by saying 'i dont think of them as problems but more as challenges that everyone has to face up to'.
Now, why was i so smart last time?
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