Lunatic's Confessions.

You know, it gets to a point where my mind is absolutely numb and empty now. Nothing makes sense and nothing really matters. I just feel empty.Is this what it feels like to give up hope? Somehow, whatever i do, it just ends up --------.. Man, this is so depressing..all i can blog about is work, work, work. And i look like a total crap today, flat hair, pale face, and im wearing black jeans and black blouse...which makes me look super thin. Is it just me or were people staring at me when i was at PS???

Anyway, yesterday, out of the blue, my uncle gave me and the twats(3rd n 4th sis) a lecture on being a good muslim and etc. Well, i wouldnt really mind much, just that the the way he lectured us was in such a condescending and accusatory tone that i almost blurted out "i've never had sex, ever!!" I mean, yalah, im not a perfect muslim, sembahyang tak cukup, but i dont think it was appropriate for him to lecture us on this.

I mean, i wasnt the one who got pregnant and had to cover up by marrying at such a young age right? Im not the one with the really hip, happening social life and only reach home at midnight or later after lepak-ing pat esplanade or pat kolong blok. How can you tell me to choose who i should be friends with? If im friends with a gangster or a whatever, as long as i know my limits, its ok to be friends with them. They are humans too. He even went so far as to say, takde kawan pun takpe. WTH.

He thinks his sons are so alim. Please lah, depan adik sedare cakap fuck lah, etc, etc, is that really being a good person? That's a super bad example lah dey.. And his sons are kerek and think they're so cool. Whatever lah kan.. If i wasnt soo tired yesterday, and if my mom didnt teach me to respect people, i would have told him to shut up and look at who he's lecturing at. I think his lecture would be more suitable for 2nd uncle's sons and also my younger cousins, yg da hanyut betul.

But i will bear in mind his advice on sembahyang, Kalau kita ade degree or career in life, sembahyang tak sempurna,tak cukup, bile mati nanti, ape kita nak jawab bile disoal tentang achievements/contributions kita untuk akhirat..?? I believe i have overlooked this, too caught up in this world that i forgot about preparing for the next world. We could all go anytime, just like that. That really strikes a chord somewhere. I guess i've been forgotten because i have forgotten Him. We tend to only remember Him when we are in need. Hmmph, typical human nature.... But i will try to be better, i promise, i will try not to forget, i will remember to say thanks every morning when i wake up. Maybe He will make me remember him.. Just maybe..