Lunatic's Confessions.

So what's the point of me submitting designs to you if in the end i have to conform to your idea/perception of a good design? Design is subjective to a person's taste but man, cant you be more open to what im offering to you? Of course my design is feasible, if it isnt i wouldnt be proposing it to you in the first place. For the love of design, please stop bruising my already deflated ego and morale.

She told me not to be affected by comments made from them, since different people have different taste. But i cant stand it. How can i keep a straight proud face when they say i cant do that, and i cant do this, or blah, blah, shit, shit.. I need to have inner strength she says, since im always affected by external pressure. HOW NOT TO?? Damn, its such a mental ordeal, all these stupid mind games..im tired of growing up. i thought it meant more knowledge but all i end up with is depression and the need to self destruct in public.

Something is wrong when you keep having monologues and that you cant bear to be in crowds as it always makes you want to scream out for them to keep a clear 5m distance away from you.

How can you keep up this facade? How long will it last, before you crash and find yourself trapped with no options left other than to severe the tie...ARGHHH!!!!!!!

on a sidenote, mom will be off with mak itam to tanjung pinang this weekend and will only be back on sunday evening. this is the first time she's going off without us. And the thought of her being far away from us makes me want to --. 36 hours straight without seeing her face, hearing her voice, poking her neck, etc, etc, etc.... I dont know how we are going to survive. Im already missing her now. I guess this was what she felt whenever i go for camps and overseas trips. Haiz...i cant imagine what i will feel like on the day itself. Yeah,yeah, im mommy's little girl...So?