i will love you forevarrr....

yes, i watched Pride, again. im sorry, but im still hooked on it, J-serials lah.. I salute takuya Kimura, so versatile, can sing, act, comedy also can...Sheesh, he's so hot lah dey..

Does true love really exist?
Is there someone out there waiting for me?
Do i have a chance to love and be loved?

Thanks to these types of serials, im now plaqued with these qns, which are swimming around in my head persistently, clinging onto the deep recesses of my mind. Its becoming of an obsession, the only thing that's in my head right now, other than work.

And we were running around, her highness and me, trying to catch iron man at cineleisure. But the damn thing only end at 2am, the only slot that we could get. Of course i can choose to go home late but we gotta respect her parents curfew. Seriously, sometimes i think if i dont go home at all, no one would really notice since im always coming home late due to work anyway. Can i say that my parents trust in me so much or that they dont give a shit. The former is for mum, the latter is dad..

Anyhoo, i dont know lah, it feels like this is not really worth it. This life. I dont know exactly what i want to achieve. For god's sake im 22 and still have no real motif/agenda in life. So useless man. im so useless, sometimes i feels like im only doing this for the sake of being able to work, spend money, buy food to eat and live. What is the real purpose in all this?

But deep down i feel guilty. I dont know how to love Him properly, how do i expect to be loved at all? Why cant i love Him first before trying to achieve worldly loves... Sad right? i keep forgetting His love is more rewarding. That is what i need to achieve since He lent me this life, this atemporal life, talent if i might say so...


fuck i forgot i need to pay courts...babi lahhhhh

aiyo yoh..

alamak, penat siol kene buat documentation for the BT project. Dahlah tadi MD call, kene taruk dimension tulah, annotate nilah. As if contractor baca betul2 dwgs aku?? Dorg bile project to da one week bergerak baru nak tanye aku for details, Amoy whats this? Amoy how to do that?macam aku tak tau pulak dorg nye tebiat. Anyway, tadi sedang aku tengah layan tension pasal orang tue tu membebel about my lack of info in the dwgs, terpancul lah sentence yang bagi aku, kelakar giler, kalau tak kelakar, lame lah...

'' tidakkah kau nampak apa yang telah aku hantar...?? '' or something like that. Otak aku pun tak betul juga eh? Macam berbual dalam bahasa melayu kuno, oops, bahasa baku. Senang cakap macam zaman Hang Tuah but without the pantun lah. Silap hari bulan betul2 aku cakap macam ni bila berbual ngan orang.

Sebenarnya, dah lama juga timbul idea nak tulis dalam bahasa melayu, bukan bahasa pasar tapi BAHASA MELAYU. Tapi aku betul2 rimas dan cukup tak sabar bila bab membaca balik sebab its all too flowery. Ini belum start tulis lagi nie... Tapi (aku sidetrack sikit) aku tak boleh disalahkan kerana tak ada kesabaran. Zaman kita sekarang ni nak semua benda cepat , chop2, on time. Macam aku ni, as im typing, bukan aku type words in full but in sms lingo. Nak cepat katakan. Bila tak ada internet, ish, CHOY, jangan cakaplah, aku boleh gila seh. Cuba kau bayangkan, im in singapore and boss is in God knows which country, if not for internet, macam mana nak berkomunikasi dan hantar dwgs, etc? Lebih baik aku tak keje, which is a very lovely thought i might add.

Fikiran aku tak bercelaru, cuma perasaan aku ni tak tentu arah. Nak kata lovesick, tak jugak cuma aku ni skarang addicted sangat lah dengan series Nodame due to tamaki hiroshi who just exudes coolness and hotness. And also takuya kimura, iiiissshhhh, he is even more sexy.. macam nak cair when he makes that brooding sulky face..whahahha...

klah, nak sambung buat keje, aku macam nak cabut ajerr......

and the reason for the emo-ness...

...is because that week of the month has arrived. That's why i cried at the slightest sad moments in the j-dramas that i've watched. Dont get me started on Nodame Cantabile. All the scenes have been popping up in my mind, like flashbacks. And im sooo addicted to Tamaki Hiroshi, i think i might just froth in the mouth if i dont see his picture or watch a video of him today. And takuya kimura, why do i feel like giggling like a bimbo and melting into a puddle all at the same time whenever i watch ur movie or drama? These guys are too hot i tell you. And they should be punished for making me dream of them at night. Yeah, they should be sentenced to a kiss and a bear hug from lil ol moi, EVERYDAY....wahaha, yes, im evil...

Anyway, I am in desperate need of some action and drama in my life. No, not the drama in work, that's a different kind of thing altogether. I want to fall in love. head over heels in love. I want to be dumped and dump someone else in return. I want to feel anger and sadness over that someone. And for once i want to be needed, like my presence matters to people other than my family or friends. For someone to message me asking how my day was or to tell me just how cute i am. Hey, I AM CUTE. For someone to shower me with attention and affection. Is that so much to ask for??

And also to love that someone, to worry about him, to be angry at him, to make him feel like he's the handsomest guy in the world (but no one can top chester, takuya and tamaki lah). To talka nd eat togehter and just to walk side by side. to listen to his fears, his frustration, his happiness, his dreams and make it mine as well.

But somewhere inside, it feels like these kind of things doesnt exist and that its not real. So do i mean to say that everybody around me is not in love but just going through the motions?

Am i cynical cos i dont think they really are in love? I dont know. And i dont think i can ever fall in love. It is just absurd to think that someone out there will fall in love with a short potty mouth, scatterbrained, jap/korea drama addict and Chester loving Me. Its like saying i like techno music!!

But i wish He will grant me the opportunity to fall in love, even if it means i get my heart broken into a million pieces or i act all girly girl/lovey dovey. Cos then all those love songs will mean much more,and i guess i will really be LIVING and not just ''going through the motions.."

Cheh, im so emo, i hate it...

im hooked again...

I couldnt take it, i had to watch a j drama or movie. And yesterday was like the tamaki hiroshi marathon. I finally resorted to watching Tada kimi, Wo aishiteru, since i had reservations about watchin it after my sister's summary of the story. But seriously, it was nice, kind of like takuya kimura's A beautiful life, but in this case, the guy(tamaki hiroshi) didnt get to spend time with the girl. He didnt even know where the girl was and that she had passed away. So sad, i guess you always realise that you cant live without someone until they are taken away from you. And the girl had so many secret shots of him(since he thought he how to take pictures). You can just see that from the angles and the composition of the shots, she really loves him. Mundane things like walking or napping on the couch, so much love is in it. Ah, i dont know how else to describe it.

And then there's the European special for Nodame Cantabile live action. Haha, my chiaki senpai kissed Nodame. He had that so full of love face, like he's about to blow up due to the overwhelming love he had for her. Wah lau eh, i cant belive im writing all this stuff. Anyway, the finale for this special was that he finally went into the Hentai forest, which meant into Nodame's world. hahah, my goodness, i didnt know Nodame has a foot fetish.

But i feel frustrated with Chiaki, he can be so self centered that he forgets Nodame is still a girl, his girl. Haiz, when is he going to give her the necklace? And when are they showing the 2nd season???????

Watching these movies/drama makes me wonder whether these type of stories do exist in real life. Maybe its all just fairytale.