Lunatic's Confessions.

Im turning 21 next week, and it feels like nothing actually, that is until she asked me this question last night, a few minutes before we had dinner at our usual makan place.

MD: Have you ever been in love?
Moi: Err..no... (oh no, not this conversation again..)
MD: Really? You've never been in love?
Moi: No... (in a resigned voice)
MD: You're turning 21 next week and you've never been in love? What about crushes? Have you had them?
Moi: Yeah, in high school...(HAIZ......)

And it made me think. About love. What is love? Love is affection, attraction. Are my feelings for him love? Nope, not really, i think its more on infatuation. Infatuation, is a foolish or extravagant admiration towards someone. Hah, if i tell her about this, she will definitely think im super dee duper weird, weirder than what i am right now. All thanks to bapak lah. He just had to make it seem like im from another dimension. Now she really believes that im weird. Im not weird kay, just, different. Maybe i will strangle his neck when i see him on monday, at the new school of design launch. Oooooh, i hope lehning will be there..I miss his cute, brooding, sulky, thinking ,frowning face...hehehehe.. eheheheh.... ;p

Anyway, I had quite a shock on tuesday, when i received an sms that Ayah was admitted to NUH. Went straight to NUH after work, kelam kabut aku naik teksi dari bouna vista. Found out that he almost had stroke, his hands were seba and his mouth dah macam senget. So he had to go for xray and some other tests. I hope nothing's wrong with him. He has the largest family (5 kids), he's the funny one, the one who likes all the family members to get together for gatherings and the one who gets along well with my dad. He's mum's younger brother, a year apart and that makes them close. Both of their immune system are not that good, senang sakit lah both of them, and kalau dorang sakit, mesti sakit teruk. Hmm, family ties, however hard you try to break the bond, you cant deny the fact that its still there wherever you go. Eh? What the hell am i blabbering about?

So im still high on Muse, have been listening to them on my mp3 non stop since the gig. I need new music. By the way, where the hell has Linkin Park gone to? I miss Chester's voice and his cute face. Have they disbanded or something? Haiz, what a waste.

Ahh, i forgot to add that she asked me what kind of guy i would fall for. She'd like to interview him before he can date me..ahaha. I think im really popular (yelah tu..) since everyone wants to be the first one to be introduced to the guy, except for my parents lah. Hehe, wait long2 people, it will take a few more years. If i found the right one, i straight away kawin lah....Hahahahaha. But its funny that my mum doesnt ask me which type of guy i like. She only asked if i wanted a grand wedding or if im ok if my sisters get married before i do (which is fine by me actually). Or maybe she already knows yet she doesnt want to tell me that she does. Hmmmm..

Haiz...I know its quite early to be thinking about this, but what do i wish for, for my birthday? I still dont know yet. I have this problem every year that day comes near. And every year, i never wished for anything for myself. But i bet that turning a year older will not make much of a difference to how i feel, talk or behave.

And teng teng, if you're reading this, i want to say that im abit shocked by what you wrote back. Well, not shocked, more like jolted back to earth. I, myself sometimes do not know what i am sad or angry about. Sad isnt it?

Maybe i AM going crazy.