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Friday, 28th April, ‘06

I was so pissed off this morning with the old man at home. When I was about to step out of the house for work, he asked me in an angry tone whether I had transport money. Then I told him I don’t have it and that I asked from mum but she’s broke. After hearing that, he scolded me, saying that I should have asked him for money, blah, blah, I always ask for money when people don’t have it, blah, blah. God, what the hell right? If he was willing to at least lend me the money, then he would have just given it to me without asking if im broke or what. I felt like screaming at him. Its as if im asking him for a thousand bucks! One day I might just walk out of this stupid pigeon hole of a house and never come back. Then nobody would have to lend me money (which was only $10 by the way).

And then, when I was trying to stop myself from dropping onto my knees and wincing in pain on the pavement, an uncle gave me a passing remark. He said..

“ Nak pegi keje kene senyum…”

I felt like turning back and shouting “ Menyebok ajelah pakcik!” to him. How do you smile when your stomach feels like a washing machine, with all your internal organs twisting and turning non-stop. And why the hell would I, who’s walking alone, want to be smiling at total strangers at the bus interchange? Especially to strangers like the uncle who are potential miang assholes, who thinks they’ve scored big points once a young thing looks their way and smile. Man, pick on someone your own age lah.

Oh, and when I paid $1.10 for the bus fare, the bus driver said that its 90 cents. Fuck right? Is it my fault that bus drivers don’t seem to agree on the bus fare? Is it my fault that some of them think im still in secondary school while others think im a working adult? Should I wear a banner on my head which says, “ Still student, 90 cents only ” when I get on the bus?

Stupid bus driver.
Stupid kepo uncle.
Stupid pms.