ergh....

Nothing much has changed actually. Though i believe that i've become a bit more outspoken with strangers. Nothing wrong with that right? But it still feels strange, it doesnt feel like me yet it's what i've become. No, i dont fake being happy talking to people but after the conversation ends, im back to being sort-of depressed.

i dont even know why that is so. Its like an emptiness swelling inside, you know its there but you cant do anything about it. Actually, you dont know what to do about it. I was accused of being in love a few weeks ago, due to my unattentiveness at work. But really, what was consuming my thoughts was that there were so many things to do and yet there's nothing much to do. Just like there are a trillion things to think about yet it amounts to nothing, when you really sit down and think about it.

So many things to think about, so many ideas to express but im stuck. i cant move at all. I want to talk but i dont know where to start. I want to paint but i cant decide on what to paint or how to. I want to do so many things,making my own dress, paint a portrait, design my blog, take pictures of sceneries or just walk around town.

Its very LOUD inside. So many chances to do and change so many things. But i just cant get my mind to start on it.