Spent my weekend catching up on lost sleep, and eating 3 full meals a day. And now, im feeling lethargic and still tired. My muscles are aching, dont ask why, the cold weather always does this to me. Norain would be saying that im like an old lady, with athritis or rheumatism or whatever shit lah.

Have you ever felt those days where you start it off feeling like you can conquer the world, but when it reaches noon, you felt like you cant do anything right? It was like that today, one minute im happy and the next, it feels like all is crap.

I dont feel like going home, yet i want to go home and just be wrapped up in the comforts of home. Maybe its time to continue writing in, yeah, i've said this a hundred times but then everytime i want to write, it feels so painful. There's soo much to write about but i dont know where to start. Maybe, im afraid that when i start, i would not be able to stop.

Yeah, yeah, im not making sense. Do we all make sense in the first place??

MY GOD!!!!!! Yesterday has got to be the most craziest day of my life. Well, not really, there had been crazier days but this was fucking awesome. So i went to Muse's gig after work. My very first gig ever and i was carying my large green tote bag with me, and it was full of working papers and shit. No time to go back home and change bag lah. Anyway, we reached fort canning park at around 7.30pm i think, since we got lost due to the wrong directions that marinah gave us. The place was already crowded and we slipped our way through to the middle section to get to marinah, her bf and her sis. And then we waited, and waited, as well as slowly inching our way to the front. They were playing rock music and everyone was enjoying the songs. A few epople broke into fights, because some bloody assholes forcefully squeezed into the middle section. hello, we paid the same ticket price, if you're late, dont pretend as if you're a star and demand to be in the front row. Jerks.

Anyway, it was bloody crowded, the place reeked of beer and smoke and people were sweating like hell. Then this sesat ang moh couple were making out next to me and norain. Seriously guys, GET A ROOM. So anyway, we managed to jostle our way and was about 1.5m away from the front railing when the gig started and people were REALLY, REALLY starting to get crazy. They started pushing around, wanting to get to the front. The left section pushed to the right and the right section pushed back and the people in the middle section (that's us) were crushed. I was soo crushed by everyone around, who by the way were as tall as marinah but bigger. There was no space to breathe and i felt my bones being crushed. It was very, very scary.I couldnt even enjoy muse's first song.

The funny thing was, i thought i would die due to suffocation, and then i thought, heck, i will not faint at ny first gig and i would definitely not want to die being crushed by a bunch of manic Muse fans. So i screamed to norain and we jostled our way out to the right side of the stage. We took deep breaths and slowly inched our way to the right railing. So we managed to get a clear view of Matthew from there. He was sooo fucking hot that i still cant believe we saw him live, in singapore. So sexy lah. HAIZZZZZ..... And his guitar playing was fucking brilliant and impressive. The drummer was also super, super hot and really worked the drums. Hoho, im still very much excited now.

To summarise the gig, it was fun except for the idiotic assholes who pushed around. But a bit of a disappointment because Muse mostly played songs from their recent album. Norain and i were seriously hoping that they sang more songs from Absolution and Muscle Museum's album since both of it totally rocks. Too bad they only played a few. And too bad most of the pictures were blurry, since my arms were aching due to all the pushing and shoving. But norain captured the performance for the butterflies and hurricanes song if im not wrong.

Hehehe, i cant wait for other cool bands to perform in singapore. Save money, save money, save money...Woohooo. I love Muse...:)

Its been a hectic week. I feel as if i've worked non stop ever since i started work last year. I want to blog more on this but then, it will just turn out like im a spoiled brat, or that i complain too much. So much for pouring my heart out through blogging.

And i've been having these flashbacks of my dreams, everytime im on my way to work. Its like a slideshow, but kind of like a movie trailer. It appears in a few seconds and then it disappears, i cant remember it anymore. Aneh kan? I think the human mind is intangible, our thoughts are like air.

and to add to this weirdness, i have these dark thoughts too. Its kind of freaky, since it involves accidents and ..... i think i'll spare myself the details here, too disturbing.

i wonder when im going to quit and start something totally new, something totally unrelated to design. Yeah, i did say something about design being my calling but somehow, after being exposed to all kinds of 'challenges', be it facing two faced bastards, idiotic assholes, demanding jerks and pushy bitches, i've become tired, of all this. I dont need all this, i dont need to be rushing for deadlines, or trying to psycho people or being nice to them when i dont want to be nice in the first place. Everything i say counts, even my facial expression counts, damn, its always been about my facial expression, ever since secondary school.

Im tired of people judging me, its so idiotic lah i tell you. And im tired of talking to these old people. Its them against me, our world is totally way off, me from planet young adult and them planet old farts.

haiz, i wish i could see you again. Just to see that smile, makes me feel a bit happier and my burden feels a bit lessened.. A bit lah.

Fuck lah, im soo bloody pissed off right now. I have been stuck doing the fucking 2d working dwgs (full set lagi) since monday. The fucking piece of asshole of a project manager went for his NS and now i have to finish it off. We were suppose to share the bloody workload but then the butthead did the RCP semberono aje and its not even correct. My god, i felt like strangling him right now. SOOO PISSED OFFF. He even said that im saboing him by asking him to do up the RCP at the last minute. Hello you idiot, i have been asking for it from you since last week and you kept saying that you've sent over. But its not sent over at all. And everytime i plan for an internal office meeting with big boss, you always cant make it. You're not the only one who's busy in this world!!! AND HOW MANY BLOODY TIMES MUST I TELL YOU NOT TO HAVE THE LIGHTING IN STRAIGHT MODULAR????!!! You're a fucking architect, you took a bloody degree in architecture, you should bloody well know better than me what to detail, draw up, what's the standard, and blah, blah, blah. Fucking bastard seh.

I should be getting your pay you idiot, for this ongoing project at clarke quay, the dwgs are also done by me. The fucking sections that you did werent even detailed. You always wait for me to tell you the material, details and stuff when it is YOU who should be in the office, with me, going through the dwgs and materials and proposing to me the details, not the other way round. ARGH!!!!!

I have a lot of backlog for other projects, im going to die, clarke quay project is going to turn out like a piece of crap. And then everyone will blame it on me for not sending things on time. HOW CAN I HANDLE THE DWGS, MATERIALS, CHAIR PROPOSALS AND ALL THAT SHIT ALONE? AND ITS NOT ONLY ONE PROJECT, ITS 3 PROJECT RIGHT NOW, INCLUDING FUCKING GRAPHICS!!!!


SOMEBODY KILL ME PLEASE. Or rather kidnap me lah...


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