Lunatic's Confessions.

5-1=0 dammit.

2009-08-06T21:17:00.003+08:00

im depressed, news over the 3 boys sueing SM is not resolved yet and now there's the issue where DBSK dont even know about the contract details with Avex, Japan. and then Jae and Chun are gonna do single with a band? Yun and Min are also not joining JauChunSu at all in this issue?

What if what we dont want, is gonna happen? I dont want a disbandment but somehow it seems like there's no good news at all. How long do we have to wait for things to be resolved? I really hope HoMin are ok, some people are bitching on them just because they're not with the other 3. Whatever it is, i sincerely wish that the boys will be happy. But no disbandment ok? i betcha Cassies will burn down SM building... while i'll be here sending curses to LSM...

im serious.

mukyaaaaaaa!!!!!!!

2009-05-13T19:17:00.003+08:00

OH GOD!!! THANK YOU, THANK YOU SOO MUCH FOR THIS LITTLE RAY OF SUNSHINE. ITS SO BEAUTIFUL I WOULDNT DARE TO ASK FOR ANYTHING MORE...I..I...I LOVE YUNJAE FOREVER!!!!!!!!!

*squeals and runs off to private yunjae corner*

you've gotta be kidding me u asshole

2009-05-11T20:14:00.003+08:00

today started off fine, i woke up on time, train wasnt so bloody packed, managed to board the bayshore bus on time therefore i reached office on time, for once. But that all went downhill after lunch.

mum called saying that she might be getting sick, so she wants me to call NUH to postpone the operation. I was truly pissed off. How bloody long does she want to wait? its painful and its cancer dammit, the doctor has said that we cant wait for too long. The blahdy cancer has been in there for like 1 month plus already. i cant stand it being in there, why cant she understand this? i know she's afraid but dammit lah, if we tangguh any further im afraid what has been labelled as benign might turn off worst. the faster the better can? im really worried lah. and i cant stand it when she calls, or any other family member for that matter. PLS DONT FUCKING CALL ME WHEN IM WORKING, especially when u can bloody well type an sms for fuck's sake. im sorry, but im just anal about this. this will ALWAYS get my mood like crap for the whole day when im busy doing dwgs.

and then, the bloody son of a bitch of a contractor called me up at 2.30pm, asking me to join in meeting with the chairman and md at site at 3pm. Bloody asshole. i asked why didnt he tell me earlier, he said he was just called to go. and when i asked if im really needed, he said yes. So i, feeling like there is something wrong with the picture cos when i called md, he didnt pick up his farking phone, went to take a cab. the bloody fucker called me up once asking where i was cos chairman and md already arrived, and then called me up the 2nd time when i was at the ecp almost reaching the city, to apologize and tell me that i was not needed, it was only a site visit to see the exhaust. so i asked the cabbie to drop me off at bugis, while i made a few phone calls and walked around like a lunatic before heading back to office.

it was just absurd because my gut feeling told me that it was a false alarm. if MD wanted me to join in, he would have called me directly. in my mind, i was going, i knew it, i knew it, but i still went out rushing. i was glowering and scowling all the way back to office. and i wanted to push anyone who walked near me. i swear to you, if i get my hands on that moronic shithead, he'd wish he was born with vajahjah instead of what he has right now, cos im gonna kick him in the groin and staple tthose balls to his thighs so he'd never have offsprings again. sadistic? yar whatever, im so fucking pissed i feel like my head is gonna pop off.

i dont care if im being overdramatic or mengada ngada but seriously lah, there's no where else to rant and my life sucks right now so this is the only outlet.

&^*V*&B(*N)M)(P*)N^B&^%%#$^%X#%^R*^ U*GUGUIPL..

there, there, i feel better now. maybe i should write about my espionage dream, which has been continueing like a mystery drama serial...maybe

for the love of Yunjae and all the beautiful men out there

2009-04-27T19:59:00.003+08:00

OMO!!!!!! i cant stand it, there's 2pm's again and again and then there's akanishi jin's Lovejuice which really sounds like Justin timberlake's My Love. these 2 are on repeat mode all the time... im soo in love with junsu, from 2pm, not that i dont love junsu from dbsk but that's a different kind of love... anyway,he's soo super beautiful, those sleepy eyes, that snow white skin, his lips....aigooo...super droolworthy i tell u..

and i dont need to tell you that i miss yunho...i want him back in korea and on variety shows....aish, bogoshipo yunho ssi...and jae as welll...so beautiful i feel like covering my face with a brown paperbag labelled UGLY everytime i see his pictures... OMG, have u seen his pix where he was shirtless and smirking like he knows something that we dont but i bet we yunjae shippers know what it is he's hiding....GAH!!!! i was totally spazzing when i saw that pix... yati was rolling her eyes and ignoring me the whole time i was squealing like a pig.

but i think i've caught another bug, its the HoMin bug...i think we need a bit more of it. Its just that after watching AADBSK2, i realised that changmin always acts cute in small ways in front of his hyungs, especially with leader ssi.. like the part where they were doing school uniform cf and facing each other, Min pulled yunnie's shirt and then yun adjusted min's shirt and poked his tummy...aigoooo...i, i was in heaven cos they looked so cute and adorable, like real brothers and for once, changmin really looked like his age...wahhhhhhaaaaaaahahahah..

if they have mini dbsks, i'd buy them and keep them in my pocket wherever i go...which reminds me i have to do the YunJae mug...have to make it real!!!!!

ps: i guess from now on all my posts will be ramblings on korean idols and YunJae especially... wahahhaha *rushes back home to build back Yunjae archive...WEEEE*

and i thought i was strong

2009-04-13T21:00:00.002+08:00

but i was the one who ended up crying first. it felt like a bad sci fi drama. the doctor was drawing out diagrams and talking in a kind of hushed voice and she was next to me listening intently. tears started pooling and before i know it, i was sobbing quietly like an idiot, the mother load of tears came out at the part where the doctor was explaining about the whole breast being removed for a surgery option. a nurse passed me a tissue, when she saw me desperately trying to wipe my snot with the back of my palm. its stage 1, thank goodness for that but still...

i couldnt look at her for the entire time we were in the consultation room and i didnt have any comforting words to say. i DONT know what to say. How do you comfort someone especially your loved ones after hearing news like this? it was absurd to be seeing the problem made up of diagrams on a piece of paper and scans of the cyst...seriously, its giving me a headache..im starting to

Earth hour today at 8.30pm

2009-03-28T13:40:00.003+08:00

So yesterday was the checkup at NUH for mum, after the ultrascan and the mammogram, we found out that she has 2 small lumps about 1cm size in her right breast. Will need to go for needle biopsy next week to check whether its benign or its the other thing. I dont know what to think or feel. Mum tried to look calm but i can see the worries forming in her eyes, even after both of us try to comfort ourselves that its nothing. Because of her age, she's turning 50 this year, and because she's prone to get sick easily, i cant help but worry. I really, really pray to God that this is nothing serious. I cannot imagine, in fact i dont want to think of negative stuffs for now.

Sometimes i wonder, wouldnt it be nice if we were still toddlers? Not knowing and understanding things would make life pretty much simple and stress free right?

dont you think the grass is always greener on the other side? no matter what people say, or no matter if the truth was told, somewhere in the back of your mind, the grass is always greener. maybe its just human nature to be envious of others and greedy, not happy or satisfied with what they have. Where am i going with this post actually? no idea.

one day i will meet you and tell you how cool you guys are.. well i'll just be satisfied if i get to see you guys perform live. Soo.. till then, DBSK FIGHTING!!!!

* runs off to sing along to all DBSK songs, My destiny on repeat 1000 x times.

(kind of in a melancholic mode now, please leave me in peace for today and tomorrow since i dont give a donkey's arse on what's happening over there, well at least until monday lah)

Miane yeobo~~~

2009-03-21T15:40:00.003+08:00

Im so devastated! really, really heartbroken and angry, soo pissed off with myself. Why? i remember, the last day i saw u was on tuesday, a quick peek to make sure you're there. But then i forgot about you until yesterday...the nice dinner i had was totally ruined when i found out you were gone...

WHY????

i lost you my mini yunnie ssi...waaaaa~~...where are your right now??? i hope you're not lying on the ground somewhere on tampines one site out of all places...NOOOOOO!!!

i feel so guilty...for forgetting and losing you..Miane yeobo..you're definitely not in the office cos i certainly wont leave u in the office, but ic ant find you at home either...what the fuck sehh...and if mum finds out that the new ezlink attached to you is gone, im SO gonna get an earful...

But what is that pain compared to my heart which is breaking into a million pieces as the days go by without seeing you so close to me...?? (*_*)

* runs off, arms flailing, into my secret Yunnie shrine...Miane yunnie!!!

Sorry, Sorry, Sorry, Sorry

2009-03-18T15:51:00.004+08:00

(i wished that it was me yunnie was leaning onto...shhhh, dont tell jae..;p)

i finally remembered what it was that compelled me to research about YunJae resulting in my current obsession over anything Yunjae related.

Its those videos of their interviews i watched in order to get to know DBSK after listening to purple line & mirotic. After watching a few, i realised that those 2 would always, always look at each other whenever they talk or answer the interviewer's questions. I was amazed at the amount of eye contact that they made through out the whole interview. How can i express this immense feeling of adoration and, and love??

You know, whenever i look at the boys wallpaper on my pc, i get this constricting feeling in my chest, i feel happy tapi macam nak nangis. This is the first time i've had this kind of feeling. Even with LP, it wasnt to this extent. Do i need help or is this really what you call....

a fan girl love????

Dun, dun, dunnnnn.....suspense eh?

Anyway, putting aside my crazy love for Yunjae for a minute, right now Im really crazy over Super Junior's Sorry,Sorry song. Its so fucking addictive i tell you. i've been putting it on repeat everytime i listen to it. And the boys look damn cool although i still think Siwon looks greasy ,i've tried to convince myself otherwise but after watching the video for the 4th time, he's still greasy. Ryeowook, Sungmin, Dong Hae and Kyuh hyun look soo cool. Too bad Hankyung & Eeteuk oppa didnt sing much if not we'd get to see more of their faces in the video.. Why??!! they look so damn hot in suits mah... ook, enough of Suju spazzing...

*run off to look for clearer YunJae Nagoya team pix..<3

I HATE HATE HATE YOU YUNNIEE!!!!

2009-02-21T11:51:00.003+08:00

OMG!!!OMG!!! OMG!!!!!

i saw the pictures for the seoul mirotic concert and it looked so DAMN GOOD...really menyesal tak simpan duit to go there. But the thing that really pisses me off till i couldnt sleep well last night was the fact that Yunnie, OUR DEAR BELOVED Yunnie, danced a hot sexy number wit a sexy girl in short shirt dress, siap dengan kissing pose as a finale. My heart couldnt take it, felt like being ripped out. That girl even blushed and giggled when she sat on his lap, HIS LAP!!!!! HIS LAP!!!! HIS LAP FOR GOD'S SAKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i bet she was gloating inside...

But yunnie looks not so comfortable touching her. i bet he's feeling guilty towards Boojae.. HOW COULD YOU YUNNIE???? why are you doing this to me, boo jae and the rest of your self confessed wives, girlfriends, lovers,etc.. Not fair, im so heartbroken right now that i resorted to reading YunJae fics in order to calm down my nerves. Why Baby WHY??? The only person you can do a sexy dance with is Boo Jae and no one else. No touching of other girls you hear me?? At least not until i find myself a boyfriend to dote over.. and dont tell me you're doing it again for today and tomorrow's concert...pleaseeee nooo my fragile heart cant take it lah.....

my vision of you and me walking down the aisle shattered just like that (no harm dreaming right?) Do you know that you are husband material? I WANT TO MARRY YOU YUNNIE!!!! Actually, it used to be takuya kimura but i found out 2 weeks ago that he's been cheating on his wife, what a player. Haiz, my image of perfect husband material musnah hancur berkecai. Actually, i kinda had a feeling that kimutaku is a flirt/player from the characters he played and his real life character, but it still is too shocking to find out that your dream guy of 8 years would do this kind of thing. Aish....

these few days gonna be unbearable, i dont think i can dream about yunnie since the image of that girl sitting on his lap keeps popping up in my mind!!! damn you!!
*runs off to sulk in the toilet*

sometimes i float away

2009-02-20T18:15:00.002+08:00

to somewhere and i dont know if i can come back down to earth. Usually it feels like i've been dragged down into the deep murky nothingness, without ever knowing if i will ever resurface. The only thing waking me up from these endlessly repeating episodes is your soothing voice, calling me, leading me back to sanity and reality. Your fingertips sends sharp jolts of current through my spine, your hypnotizing gaze boring into my eyes, your voice like a lullaby, able to calm the fiercest storms raging within my soul.

you offered your warm hand, which at times i shoved aside out of spite, but most of the time,i will grasp it tightly and hold it to my heart, claiming what is rightfully mine all along. And that smile, it never fails to melt the ice which had somehow formed in those tiny crevices of my heart.

sometimes i wonder if you are an angel in disguise, sent to look over me, to protect me from doing all those stupid and dangerous stuff.

--------------------------------------

i've read too much of those fics where boo was the one who betrayed yunnie. Even though its not real, i cant stand yunnie being betrayed, i cant imagine his disappointed face, its hurting me even more. I really wish i can see more real life YunJae, for the sake of my sanity. Yes, other than work, sleep and eating and other miscellaneous stuff, YunJae is keeping me sane. Nonsense ne? to me its not.

i couldnt continue the above, since im dreaming of something else at the same time, which i'll keep to myself for awhile longer..(^__^) hi hi hi... but that yunjae dream which i still cant seem to recall keeps bugging me, its slowly driving me crazy..and 2 nights ago, i dreamt of us..Yunnie, boo and i..how nice..

Note to self: due to recent rise of high blood pressure victims within the family members/relatives, please take care of thyself. You dont want to end up beign prescribed those pills in 10 years time.

another day wasted~~

2009-02-09T21:39:00.006+08:00

another day wasted with switching the pc on and off since its gone all bonkers. No, its not my dell, its the old HP which keeps restarting. Bloody hell my time all wasted trying to plot the dwgs in jpg. I seriously need someone to help restore the idiotic pc back to normal working condition.

anyway, its been tiring. But no worries, i've got yunjae to fill in the emptiness. Hahaha, say what you wanna say but i am a YunJae addict through and through. All this fluff on yunjae, seriously my brain is turning into mush. Some of those fanfictions are really too beautiful till i cried. Its that good, even if you changed the character's names to other people. My point is, well, why do i feel guilty reading those fictions? its not like im a perv right? Its just mindless and harmless fangirling outlet right? Right? All those yaoi stuff, well i tend to skip the hardcore ones, so i just read the fluff ones..yes i know, yaoi is still yaoi..

Haiz...i wonder what Yunnie baby's doing right now. He's soo cute and hot. but these days, i seem to squeal a lot more on junsu and changmin's pix as well. Yati has joined in the squealing too, and at yunho's pix mind you. I was just about to strangle her neck when she squealed at his ichigo mag pix but then i remembered that i had ogled and drooled at jae's pix more than a few hundres times so i guess we're even. But yesterday, we had to squeal quietly at junsu's cutesy pix, you dont wanna know how possessive adik can be over her dolphin boy. the last time i had mistaken junsu for yunho (i know, how stupid can i get kan? but it was mostly yati's fault), she was sulking at me for the whole entire week seh. aish...i wonder what would happen if junsu got a girlfriend. Or worst, if her junki has a girlfriend, ishh, i dont wanna imagine.

_________________________________________________________________

boo

do you remember what i said to you that night?
when you snuggled next to me on the balcony
as we watched the starry night sky?
"its cold out here, hold my hand and i'll never let go"
im sorry i made that promise to you

you knew why my hands were still cold and shaking
even when you held on tightly
so much so that both our knuckles turned white
we both know that you knew about it all along
the unspoken truth always lingers in between us
but we were just afraid to confront it
im sorry that i was too afraid

i couldnt keep up the pretense and the lies
but i couldnt tell you the truth
about those strange monthly trips to god knows where
those discreet calls i took behind the closet door
and the times i closed myself off from you after those calls and trips
im sorry for pushing you away

walking out the door was the last thing i wanted to do
leaving our sanctuary, our haven, our home
where we shared countless heart to heart late night conversations
laughters and giggles over cheesy movies,
even the tears and violent fights over petty jealousies
i wanted those times to last forever but
forever was just not possible

i just had to run away, yes i was a coward
but i was too afraid to see the sadness in your eyes
if it somehow appeases you, those months without you
were so unbearable that i cried myself to sleep
every S.I.N.G.L.E damn day
my purpose was to live with the guilt
as punishment for all those tears you shed
those heartaches, those times you worried
you dont need to know where i was those past few months
it'll just break you heart even more

how have you been lately?
Are you eating well?
have you made more friends at your new workplace?
these are among the million questions i wanted to ask when we meet again
but look where we are now, you're looking down on me
and im looking down at you
or up depending on where i get sent to..haha

im sorry i had to leave,
without a kiss, a bear hug, a cuddle
or even a goodbye, no goodbyes for us, boo
because saying goodbye just makes it seem that everything has ended
this love, OUR LOVE will never end
so just take your time, boo
cos i'll be waiting for you no matter how long it takes

i have always loved you, please remember that
and please smile like you always used to
laugh like you used to
live like you used to when i was with you
please keep our love alive
no matter who you're with in the future

loving you always
Yunnie

ps: dont forget to bring me those white roses whenever you visit..i'll be keeping tabs from up here.

...........................................

you looked down on the stone slab at your feet. The tears just wont stop flowing just like the rain beating down upon your back. Clutching the now crumpled and damp letter tightly in one hand, you placed a bouquet of white roses down on the stone slab with the other. After searching for him for several painful months, this wasnt what you expected. You were expecting him to be on his knees, asking for your forgiveness but all you got was his gravestone staring back up at you. You bend down on your knees, fingering his name etched on the marble slab. You could feel the sobs coming out of your chest again. Crouching down on the gravestone, HIS gravestone, lying with your wet cheeks directly above his name...

"wait for me yunnie, we'll be together again one day...i love you..."

_________________________________________________________________________

how? maybe i need to rework this. haiz..

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DARLING!!!!

2009-02-06T14:14:00.003+08:00

Dearest Yunho
Happy birthday dude. Hope today you get to celebrate even with your tight schedule. Even though i've been a fan only for a few months, somehow it feels like forever. Hope you'll be happy always no matter what you're doing. Stay healthy always. And i hope you find your true love soon, even though my heart (and other hundreds of fan girls hearts) will break into a million pieces, your happiness is most important. Last but not least, stay sexy and cool always Leader ssi..love ya lots...<3

With love
Diana

ps: i know this is cheesy, only fangirls would understand how i feel.

im not gonna count the hours till midnight....

2009-01-31T22:33:00.004+08:00

Yunho

My Goal for 2009
YH: First of all, I'd like to improve my Japanese-speaking ability. Also, I'd like to grow both emotionally and internally. In my private time I'd like to go to Las Vegas! I went before for work, but shooting while looking at the Grand Canyon and the wonderful scenery is something that really remains in my memories!

My Recent Favourite Item

YH: A hat I got from someone, by a brand called "Clover". When I want to look cool I use it to hide one of my eyes a little, and when I want to look cute and fashionable I push the hat to the back of my head and put on glasses. This is something I was taught by a famous fashion editor!

This Is What's Cool About Yunho!
YC: I think the part of him that properly protects his friends is really cool. I love the Yunho that treasures "a man's friendship".

JJ: He's manly! The bigness of all of Yunho's gestures and actions, that kind of thing is really cool. When he sings and when he dances, too.

JS: He's really professional and someone who will do his best and work hard for absolutely anything. I think that's wonderful.

CM: He's manly. He's a person who treasures friendship.

I Want Yunho To Stop Doing This!
YC: Lately it seems like he's been having various problems, and when he's off from work he's not with the members, but is constantly together with his friends. It makes me feel just a little lonely... I've been close to Yunho since the very beginning so I don't take it to heart, but let's contact each other a bit more. Whether it's time to have a meal or time to just talk, let's make more and more of them!

JJ: Sometimes his actions are too big, and when he talks or dances, there are times when he hits the people next to him (laughs)! Yunho totally doesn't notice. I have also been hit by him, a lot of times.

JS: The amount of things he forgets is outrageously huge~! His wallet, cellphone...there's just all sorts of stuff he quickly loses or forgets. The members worry at those times. It's fine since he always finds his things, but it's that kind of, there are so many things he forgets and loses that it's like if he loses everything he might be left with nothing.

CM: It would be good if he tidied up our room just a bit more! It's not just our room, he has this habit of messing things up anywhere he goes~

To Yunho: I Wasn't Able To Say It Before, But I Confess...
YC: Yunho invited me to have a meal with him and his friend who is a Korean entertainer. I promised I would go too, but when I got home I was really tired. I came to feel, "I'm not really in the mood..." and called him to turn him down. I'm sorry for not keeping my promise that time!

JJ: Don't talk on the phone in my bedroom! Yunho doesn't talk on the phone in his own room, he talks while going back and forth, here and there, between the other members' bedrooms and the living room and stuff. Whatever it is, in my bedroom, just don't talk on the phone there!!!!

JS: I know very well that being in the leader's position is really difficult, but...until now and in the future too, you've really done your best and will keep doing your best for Tohoshinki. I am grateful.

CM: I might look like the type of person who doesn't like tidying up, but I am extremely particular about cleanliness! Unexpectedly!! UNEXPECTEDLY!! Yunho scolds me too much for being like that. But I....can't say this to Yunho.

Source and translated by=pinkulemon.

.......................................

omomomo...this is from asianfanatics, i want to put all the rest of the member's interviews but it was so long. since yunnie ssi is my first love, i just gotta be content with this (but i've saved the full interview somewhere..kihkihkih..)

haiz....i've realised i didnt even have a new year's resolution list, which i dont really keep tab onto, so this is my birthday wish list, yar, like whatever lorh wish and resolution mcm takde kene mengene seh...

1) Learn Korean and Japanese (oral and written), this is so that i dont need to search and wait for eng subs for jap dramas and korean variety shows. (which reminds me i've yet to watch Orange days & Dororo)

2) Attend a DBSK concert, aish, i wonder if this will ever happen. I seriously wanna see the boys perform..

3) Buy DBSK photobooks/dvd especially the "vacation in Paris" one...wahlau ehh, yunjae looks super hot during that time seh..

that's all that i can think of right now, stuff like shoes, clothes, psp, etc, etc...even though i really want them, i dont really need them...at times like these, just have to use whatever i have...

oh yeah...actually there's one more thing, i wish for YunJae love to last forever (FYI, this is fangirl wish, if you think im a perv,then buzz off) Sigh, all those YunJae fanfiction still stuck in my mind till all i can think about when people talk about couples and love is YunJae...i know, but its too addictive and then the YooSu couple fanfiction...eishhh, i can just imagine the scenes in my krekot mind...aigoo.......(@__@)

ps: my baby looks so hot in just white tank top and jeans, actually with just plain jeans on (wrong number video!!) he looks super yummy...for once i want to dream of him tonight, pretty please, a pleasant one, for my birthday...PLEASE I BEG OF YOUUUUUU!!!!

pps: im so desperate im gonna read up on yunjae fanfiction in the hopes of dreaming of Yunnie baby tonight...*prays hard*

ppps: i know my mind is so krekot...so shaddup...

dont mention the p word

2009-01-29T17:55:00.004+08:00

do you know what dying feels like? If you've ever gotten diarrhoea, then you know what dying feels like. Which reminds me, i cannot eat sweet p***** es at 4 in the morning, especially on an empty stomach.(*__*) by the way im still recovering, and if someone so much as mentions the p word, i swear to you i might just puke. i cant get rid of the taste of it whenever i burped, its like P and gas mixed together to produce a poisonous taste....urgh......

frankly speaking, i dont have the mood to blog since im still feeling like shit, so i'll just update on the overnight east coast picnic next time, with pictures. maybe.

ps: currently reading "the wallflower" manga, damn it that thing is hilarious...but the best is still Skip beat, wonder when the next scan will be online...

my heart's like a broken record...

2009-01-24T14:32:00.002+08:00

Note to self: please refrain from checking out the boys pictures every morning before work, lest i want myself to be whining whole day trying to heal the heartache and lovesickness...i love the boys, seriously.

-----------------------------------------

He tried to wipe away the endless tears streaming down her pale face but she took a step back at his extended hand.

"Im sorry..." he said in a low voice, trying hard to suppress his tears by clenching his fists.

She kept whispering "Liar..." over and over again, all the time shaking her head from side to side. The soft breeze blowing against her silky auburn tresses made her look even more beautiful, so beautiful that its blinding him. He stepped forward but she screamed instead, "Dont touch me!!!"

"Please..." he pleaded and grabbed her shoulders. What he received was a tight slap on his left cheek which threw him off balance. As he staggered to face her, he was greeted with the most emotionless expression. She had the look of someone who had lost all hope and faith, in everything. As he opened his mouth to say something, she started laughing. She covered her mouth with her hands and kept on laughing. Stunned by her behavior, he couldn’t move at all as she walked off, leaving him with a hollow laughter which kept ringing in his ears....he dropped down to his knees and before he knew it, he was crying...

And as if to mock him for his mistakes, the sun shone even more brightly showing off the clear blue sky.

…………………………

“So this is what it feels like huh? being shot in the chest..” she thought to herself.

She clutched her chest. Right now there was a gaping hole at where her heart should be. She looked up at him, his red eyes searching for forgiveness in hers. But all she could do was to repeat that word over and over again. That was all that she wanted to say to him.

“Liar, liar, liar…”

After slapping him, causing the tall man to stagger back, she felt numb. There was no disappointment, no hope, no faith, and no anger. None of that existed anymore for her. It was empty, and because of that emptiness, she laughed. She laughed till her cheeks hurt, till those useless bitter tears run down her face for the nth time. Once again, the world around her blurs away. Her feet started moving, away from him.

And on that bright cheerful Sunday morning, the vivid colors of the scenery before her turned to dark hues of grey.

……………………………

in a stupor

2009-01-22T20:28:00.004+08:00

ahhh, ottokeh???? too hot, nosebleeds.....
Jae's bday in 3 days time!!!

photo credits: 2uangles + DNBN + ....crap i always forgot to take note

...............................................

the office is in a mess right now, well, actually only the surrounding 1.5m radius around me lah..hah..materials, design books, catalogues, dwgs...u name it, i got it baby..

somewhere earlier this week, i suddenly realised that my left hand (from my elbow to my fingertips) were numb. maybe i leaned too much on my left arm when i do work or when surfing the net. Im starting to wonder whether this happened earlier than when i realised it. its annoying because it feels like my hand is sleeping, its numb-er (is this even grammatically correct?) especially for my pinky and ring finger, feels like they're not mine at all. scary lah i tell you......*__*..maybe should go for checkup??

and these 2 weeks i've been really, really into baek ji youngs' like being shot. Frankly speaking, i thought it was too bleagh when i first listened to it, but when i heard it a few more times, it grew on me, the melody has a bit of faith hill's feel to it. Like being shot, what a powerful song title, sums up all the pain, etc,etc...i dont know how it feels like to break up so i can just imagine it. aish, this song keeps replaying over and over again in my head.

but love, love hurts right? even though its only fan-girl love but..whenever i see their pictures, i feel like...laughing and crying at the same time. Yesh, P.A.T.H.E.T.I.C. but i cant help it, they're just too beautiful, especially YunJae. im embarrassed to admit it but when i saw the YunJae gifs of making Bolero, i blushed. I blushed so hard till i had to cover my face, even though no one is with me...aigoo, im going crazy.....as per mirotic's lyrics..neon naege michyeo~~~

maybe because the smiles that were exchanged were the sweetest ones, its as if time stood still when i saw the looks in their eyes...~~~, ahhh..these fleeting moments make you feel like flying~~

down, down down we go.

2009-01-20T14:42:00.002+08:00

Romaji Like Being Hit By A Bullet

chong majun kotcheorom jeongshinee neomu obshi
ooseumman nawaseo keunyang ooseoseo keunyang ooseosseo keunyang
heotalhakeh oosumyeo hanaman moodja haesseo
uri wae hyeohjyeo oddeokeh hyeohjyeo oddeokeh hyeohjyeo
oddeokeh

goomongnan gaseumeh uri chookee heulleo nomchyeo
jababoryeo haedo gaseumuel magado
sonkarak sa eero bbajyeonaka
shimjangee meomchyeodo eereoke ahpuel got gatjin anha
oddeokeh jom haejyeo nal jom chiryohaejyo
eeroda nae gaseum da manggachyeo
goomongnan gaseumee

oneusae noonmoori nado moreugeh heulleo
eerogi shireunde jeongmal shireunde jeongmal shireunde jeongmal
irosoneun neol ddara moojakjeong chocha kasseo
domangchideut kotnun noeui dwiyeseo noeui dwiyeseo
sorichyeosseo

goomongnan gaseume uri chookee heulleo nom chyeo
jababoryeo haedo gaseumeul magado
songarak saeero bbajyeonaga
shimjangee momchyeodo eereoke ahpeul kot gatjin anha
oddeokeh jeom haejyeo nal jeom chiryeohaejyeo
eeroda nae gaseum da mangkachyeo
chong majeun kotchoreom jeongmal kaseumee neomu ahpa
eereoke ahpuende eereoke ahpuende
sal sooga eetdanun geh eesanghae
oddeokeh noreul eejeo naega keuron keot naneun meolla meolla
kaseumee bbong ddeuryeo chaeool soo obseoseo
jooguel malgeum ahpuegiman hae
chong majeun kotchoreom

OMG,seriously........

2009-01-19T20:45:00.002+08:00

photocredits: 2uangels & mrtvxq.com

...................................................
yeah, like, seriously, those 2 looking at each other and licking their lips (omg, i sound like a perv here), how can you say there's nothing going on..?

yeah, yeah, im blowing things out of proportion, but let me just savour the fleeting sweetness of YunJae lovin even though its only in my (and all those yunjae fangirls) mind.

seriously, im losing my mind here. geez, why do i sound like an airhead? too much spazzzing i guess. overdose on junsu maybe, since i've been trying to design a cute junsu banner for 4th sis blog...ahh im so proud of my black junsu and my yunjae banner...feeel the looove babyyy...

*staring, staring, staring....GONE

2009-01-17T13:10:00.002+08:00

i know this picture is quite old but everytime i look at it, it felt like my heart was squeezed like a lemon,my soul sucked out, soaked in chocolate fudge,covered with thousand island and puffy white marshmellow and.and.and.shoved back in again with fluffy pink,purple and blue cotton candy.

yeah, that's how happy i get.^__^

*screams, covers grinning mouth while shaking head non stop and jumping up and down

2009-01-15T21:07:00.004+08:00

photo credits: i think it should be 2uangels, asianfanatics, tvxq, sorry if i got it wrong.

ps: my post title says it all, i dont feel the need to elaborate.
*runs off to gawk at more yunjae love*

here we go again baybeeeh

2009-01-12T20:21:00.004+08:00

photo credits=DNBN, 2uangels (sorry i forgot the other source)
...................................................................................

huh? what? oh yeah, today's post actually, nothing to write about lah. life is still monotonous and mundane with the exception of my daily dose of jap drama and korean music (from midnight to wee hours of the morning) Seriously man, i have to get a REAL life.

And why the hell are young kids asking me to add them in msn? this is like the 2nd time. The thing that really pisses me off is their internet language. For god's sake, please lah, you wont die if you type the words in full. And then they have the eu=you kind of crap and they take out all the vowels from the words. Why do you think the vowels were invented? its so we can use them lah idiots. I know i sound like an old auntie but really..ahh,its depressing when ppl want to get to know me but i get all disinterested. maybe i am anti social after all. maybe i just cant stand the stupid internet language now. erghhh..

on a sidenote, watched Lunch Queen, satoshi tsumabuki looks sooo much like Minho (SHINee), im falling for him now, satoshi not Minho ok..and Eita acted a small part in that as well. oh well, i have to remind myself to watch Dororo & Orange days (satoshi's in it as well haha)

i am only human....

2009-01-06T17:47:00.004+08:00

OMFS, why oh why do they have to torment me so? You see those pics earlier on? the boys in white suits are killing me softly. How can they look so good in that? Even though i cant stand the pastel colored shirts they're wearing, they still look so damn good. Especially Min, look at those legs that seem to go on forever...GAWD...And then jae touching Min and min looking at whatever he is looking at...grrr..then junsu holding jae's arms...ergh, why isnt it yunho holding jae's arms?? And then jae's face, the eyes, the lips, the nose, the hair screaming out sexy yuki!!!!! And last but not least Yunho ssi, aish, how come he looks so alone in the group pix, like i said jae should be holding his arm instead....

why oh why??? i have been sucked into this hole and i cant turn back...haiz...sadness seh..

by the way, i read Totto chan, the girl sitting by the window. It was amusing, and i kept laughing to myself on the train as i read it. I really felt happy reading it, felt lighthearted as well. Reading about Totto chan's adventures makes me wish i had a childhood like hers.

anyway, tonight, im not going to read fanfiction, im not going to read fanfiction (repeats 1000 times over and over again)

photo credits: hahaha4u.co.kr, DNBN, 2uangels.blogspot.com

OMO!!!!

2009-01-04T22:09:00.003+08:00

ok, this is kind of bad news, read on asianfanatics that Yunho, Rain and Taemin are infringing copyright issues due to the illegal use of Justin's song, Magic, for their SBS Gayo Daejun performances. WAE??? How can they not know the song was leaked online? As much as i loved the performances (especially Yunho's dance, so HOT), its still unbelievable that this can happen. What happened to the Pds, editors or those music directors of SBS? Not doing their job properly isit? Wahlau eh...poor yunnie, i hope it wasnt him who directly took the song..

and oooh, jaejoong news, the premise for his drama HEavenly Postman, is about him (Yuu,omg,its like short term for Yuki in fruits basket,what an uncanny coincidence since i think he looks sooo much like that character!!!!) being in a coma after an accident and then was given 2 weeks extra life as Heaven's postman, connecting real world and the dead. But the thing is, only the female protagonist,Hyo Joo(Saki) can see him. Erghhh, i cant wait for it to air. Jae is so hot, that aura surrounding him is so incredible, dont you think so. A lot of cassies would totally agree with me...muahaha, but yunnie is still the best. Alah yunjae is the best lah, since i cant decide on one...Hah

So, still hooked on fanfiction, especially the ones starring yunnie or jae, or sometimes those yaoi ones starring yunjae. No im not a pervert but what if in real life they are like that huh? i.cant.imagine.it!!!!!!!!! i hope these boys find soulmates soon, so that i can move on. i bet if other fans read this i might get cursed upside down..hahaha

kanasai, i wanted to put yunjae pix but blogger has stupid errors...haiz..next time then..

hello 2009

2009-01-02T02:53:00.004+08:00

well, new years day was spent at my aunt's house,eating, karaokeing and celebrating a cousin's bday. Yeah, for once, i actually sang a few songs. My suara emas(golden voice) cannot be used so carelessly..HAHA. I think its been a few years since i karaoke in front of people, excluding my mum and sisters lah. I dont know, i just hate the way my voice sounds when i karaoke, its like its someone else's voice. Maybe im just paranoid but i feel like the more i karaoke, the more i lose the 'Me' in my voice, like losing posession of my voice. Argh i dont know how to describe it. like my essence is slowly dissipating from my voice, in turn making it a voice from another being. wait, am i making sense here??!!

im tired mentally, things are happening even though they look like they dont. we are waiting for a timebomb to explode. On the surface it looks calm but underneath, you dont know how strong the current is. AS much as i'd like to confide in someone, i cant stand the thought that it will really come true if i say it out loud. It seems like we are walking down the same road that others have taken. Are we meant to end up like that? everytime i think about this, sadness grips like a vice when this impending reality sinks in. maybe we need to lose something in order to gain something else? Well, nothing is for free right?

on a sidenote, even though i've blogged about this before, i've never believed in marriages. Never can i understand how 2 people from different backgrounds can decide to live together. Love i can understand (well, im sceptical of this as well) but marriage? Pfftt...pish posh...

aish im tired, need to sleep for awhile before i continue on the revised elevation, due later today before noon, can you believe it??...blahdy kanasai...

sometimes im too happy and sometimes im too depressed over the smallest things. but the latter i try to hide it so that only i can experience. Happines should be shared, even though being happy is just to make myself forget. But what is it that i want to forget?

love and honor

2008-12-29T01:24:00.004+08:00

just finished watching the movie earlier on on Okto, starring takuya kimura and a few others whom i cant remember their names. Ahh, as usual, kimutaku looks hot even with the samurai hairstyle. There's just something about that man that makes him so charismatic. And he always manages to put a bit of himself into the character/role he plays. Kimutaku fans would know especially if they've watched Beautiful life, Pride and a few others.

So, im slowly getting over my unhealthy obsession over DBSK. This is not to say that i dont like them anymore but its getting tiring to be too gaga over them. Yes, i will spazz from time to time over their pictures. Somehow, its like waking up from a dream. Bintang pat langit tu jauh sangat, try as i might to reach out, its still unattainable. But i wonder when will they ever come to singapore.

Sigh, 2009 will be in 2 days time? I have no idea what to expect and what to look forward to. yawnzz...time to sleep and dream of kimutaku...hehe

Orion- Nakashima Mika

2008-12-26T00:03:00.003+08:00

OSt from Ryuseii No Kizuna..Nice show......though both Ryo and Kaname jun's hairstyle sucks..that guy from arashi, his acting wasnt that bad at all..maybe better than matsumoto jun's...

happiness is a warm gun baby

2008-12-23T11:57:00.002+08:00

Actually i woke up today with a really fresh feeling, as though everything's alright. But then the good feelings were gone in an instant. Yeah, lets blame it on that monthly thing.

Anyway, im SO gonna get the DBSK calendar set AND the 2009 Singles magazine with them on the cover. That is when i get my pay lah, which is like, what? Next week? Sigh. Waiting is torture. Look at them, they look so happy, while i feel like crap here. Even looking at their pictures is doing nothing to lift my spirits.

if only this was true

2008-12-15T00:09:00.001+08:00

Pigon haeyo

2008-12-13T21:43:00.005+08:00

yes, im tired...HAIZ...i wonder when can i get a break. Looks like its confirmed that i'll have to work tomorrow as well, on a lovely Sunday. in any case, im still gonna go jogging tomorrow since we skipped out on it last week. But i bet it'll be nicer to jog in Banaue as the air over there is so clean and cool..

below are just some photos which i kinda forgot to post earlier on. Haiz....

i think im losing my mind

2008-12-09T10:14:00.003+08:00

ahhh, 3rd sis told me that nampyon has added her into his myspace list and i was a bit miffed till i couldnt sleep after that. Yes, jealousy reared its ugly head even though i know for a fact that it might not really be nampyon checking his account. wae nampyon, wae?

So, i kind of had a REAL weekend since saturday was spent slogging in office the whole day for the 3d. Sunday, really lepak at home and i even managed to take a 3 hour nap!!! Haha, i havent done that for so long. i miss my sunday naps. Anyway, how did we spend our Hari Raya Haji? Well, we went to visit the cemetery, early in the morning and it was raining.. Imagine a sad and sorry bunch shivering under the umbrellas, saying really short prayers and then rushing back into the van. Sejuk giler seh tangan bile tengah tabur bunga, air hujan macam air batu.

Later we hung out at Mak Itam's house, eating, chatting, the adults karaoke while we had a round of scrabble and monopoly. Then i took a 2 hrs nap since it was freakin cold, we were wearing sweaters and jackets btw. And then, jeng, jeng, jeng, watched pops in seoul and music bank, ade DBSK, performing wrong number. You know, the one where Changminnie teased everyone with that to die for smirk? Ahaha, and to see nampyon's face after a nap, aish...i fell in love again for the hundredth time.

I dont know, maybe its just me but somehow, this feeling just cant seem to subside. Its overflowing, membuak, overwhelming and im about to burst. I know its not ever going to happen, not in this lifetime anyway but somewhere inside, there's a faint glimmer of hope and faith. Everyday seems a bit brighter knowing that we are looking at the same blue sky. Aishiteru yunnie ssi...<3 (fyi this is a fangirl monologue, puke all you want, i dont give a damn)

ps: you are slowly creeping into each corner and crevice, and suddenly, BAM!!

Update= i received a message from Jae Oppa! Oppa replied my msg! OMO! OMO! i cant believe it so i kept re reading it. Most probably its just a role player but i'd rather bask in this denial man. Ahhhhh, he read my message!!! Im so gonna faint again! muahahahaha

lets run away yunnie...

2008-12-06T04:13:00.008+08:00

had quite an interesting chat with the cab driver earlier on, talking about how long frozen chicken are kept before being sold to the public and even the fishes being treated with chemicals? and then the conversation jumped to me not looking like a malay and then marriages with youngsters who likes to fight. The uncle must have been really bored, or he would've gotten the hint that i was not in the mood to talk due to my uhuh/ehem responses.

got lectured again, i agree with what you say, im losing it and im losing my mind. i wonder if everything will start to go downhill from here. where DO we go from here?

and at times like these, you just want somebody to lean onto and to hold your hand.

La La La La~Chinguyoh~

2008-11-29T11:36:00.002+08:00

I saw this and i couldnt help but laugh all the way even in my sleep. Look at Yunho ssi's arms, why does it seem to get more muscular everytime he makes an appearance?? Haiz, my nampyon is so manly and selenge at the same time. aigoo...so hard to resist.

Anyway, yesterday has been a day full of surprises. A friend sms me out of the blue, then i was told to delete pictures of the site that we're moving into and another filipino mistook me for being a filipino. And then, while giving out free consultation to my soulmate buddy, someone switched on something in my brain, and i even told boss like i had some sort of epiphany. hahahaha.

Seriously, i felt like i havent been loving myself well lately. So many things to accomplish and so many places to go, i cant just let it all end up in crap. I know my dreams are big but its not impossible at all. Maybe im just rebelling since everyone is expecting something from me even though they're not saying it. Childish right? Ahh, those childhood dreams, they ARE attainable. And one day i CAN do it. Ahh, i'm gonna enjoy this happy mood while it lasts.. have a nice weekend Di.

Untuk tatapan peminat giler

2008-11-26T18:43:00.002+08:00

Forgotten Season

Siwireui (Siwolre) majimag bameul
Tteutmoreul iyagiman namginchae
Uri neun he-eo jyeot jiyo
Geu nal-eul ssil ssil haetdeon peupjeongi
Geodaeeul jinsil ingayo
Hanmadi byeonmyeongdo mothago
Itheojyeoya haneun geon-gayo
Eonjena dul-ah oneun gyejeoreun
Na ege ggum eul jujiman
Ireul su eoptneun ggum-eun seulpeoyo narul ul-lyeoyo

TRANSLATION
I still remember the last night of October,
We separated after leaving indefinable words,
Was your gloomy face, the truth?
Will I have to forget you without even trying to explain?
The returning seasons give me dreams,
Yet, impossible dreams are sad; they make me cry

This is for my 3rd sister aka the Frog, who's a big fan of Jae oppa, and who doesnt mind me liking him and spazzing over him even though i've pledged my undying devotion of Yunnie-ssi..heh

i guess they're still having the SM town concert at bangkok even with the protests going on. As much as i'd love it to be postponed to next year, i hope it'll still go on for those other lucky fans who da siang2 beli tiket. Of course im still jealous, but there's always a next time. Man, i really wish they'd come to Singapore, even if for a photobook signing or whatever. Yunho-ssi, im still waiting

DONT FORGET TO BREATHE!!!!

2008-11-22T14:52:00.005+08:00

Changminnie was so cute at the last part, just look at that smirk, haaaaa, soo cute, teasing the fans. Dun nid to say anything about Junjae, they are always hot.

Note to self= DONT FORGET to BREATHE when watching the video.

work_work_work

2008-11-19T14:29:00.007+08:00

Been dropping by the TM site so frequently these few days its pissing me off to no end. Work, i feel like work sucks right now due to the fact that i have to keep revising my design for the sake of other people. I really dont want to end up hating my job just because the landlord has some 'issues' with the way i design. Ahh, what's a girl to do at these situations.

And seriously, i HATE taking the train, really hate it, i cant stand being packed like sardines in a train full of people and the driver keeps braking. I dont know if i hate the crowd or i hate spending stupid 45 mins trying to sleep while ignoring the presence of people.

Then i was advised to increase/widen/expand my social circle/friends. Which leads to the question, Am i anti social? i dont think so but i find hard to follow since im more of the homely person and seldom go out BUT i'll try to drop by museums, libraries and bookstores more often.

Im still crazy over Mirotic, there's only one thing to describe the lyrics, MAGIC! Its like the boys are saying that they have got us(their fans lah), under their skin...Wahahaha, memang betul pun.

Mirotic TRANSLATION:
From the start you were sweet and simply attracted to me
You’d stay always like that; you said when you were first walked up to me
All the possibilities opened up, Oh-

What is love? What! Right now it is Red Ocean
I’m breaking my rules again. You know it’s getting boring?
You do get hurt a little bit, it’s alright Oh-

*You want me, you’ve fallen for me, you’re crazy for me
You can’t break out, I got you - Under my skin
You want me, you’ve fallen for me, you’re crazy for me
You are my slave, I got you - Under my skin

It nests in your head, the sharp stare
It’s not me, my unmoving Chrome Heart
This is your choice, Oh-

Flowing through your veins running through you are millions of my Crystal
Finally, the end of transformation
This must be love? Oh-

Repeat*

In you dream I order you under my magic spell
You want to do it again, I got you - Under my skin
My devils ride, you now don’t have a place to breathe
Let’s have fun now that I got you - Under my skin

*You want me, you’ve fallen for me, you’re crazy for me
You can’t break out, I got you - Under my skin
You want me, you’ve fallen for me, you’re crazy for me
You are my slave, I got you - Under my skin

동방신기 - 주문 (MIROTIC)
Dong Bang Shin Gi - Ju-Mun [MIROTIC]

Si-jak-eun dal-k’um-ha-ge, p’yeong-beom-ha-ge na-e-ge ggeul-ryeo
Eon-je-na geu-ratt-deu-shi meon-jeo mal-eul gyeol-eo-wa
Mo-deun ga-neung-seong yeol-eon-dweo Oh~

Sa-rang-eun mweo-da? Mweo-da! i-mi su-suk-eo Red ocean
Nan, breakin’ my rules again al-janh-a ji-ru-han-gyeol?
Jo-geum da-ch’yeo-do neon, gwaen-ch’ahn-a Oh-

Neon na-reul weon-hae neon nae-ge bba-jyeo neon nae-ge mi-ch’yeo
He-eo-nal su eob-seo I got you - Under my skin
Neon na-reul weon-hae neon nae-ge bba-jyeo neon nae-ge mi-ch’yeo
Neon na-eui no-ye I got you - Under my skin

Ne meo-rit sok-eul p’a-go-deu-neun nal-k’a-ro-un nun-bit
Na a-ni-go-seon, um-jin-i-ji-du anh-neun Chrome Heart
Ne-ga seon-t’aek-han gil-in-geol Oh-

Hyeol-gwan-eul t’a-go heu-reu-neun su-eok gae-eui na-eui Crystal
Ma-ch’im-nae shi-gan-doen byeon-shin-eui ggeut’-eun-na
I-geot-do sa-rang-eun a-nil-gga? Oh-

Repeat *

Han-beon-eui k’i-seu-wa ham-gge ~ nal-i seon-deut-han ~ gang-han i-ggeul-ling
Du beon-eui k’i-seu, p’eu-geob-ge t’eo-jyeo-beo-ril jyeot gat’-eun ne shim-jang-eul
Yeah ~ neo-reul ga-jyeo-sseo You know you got it!
Yeah ~ Come on! Come on! I got you - Under my skin

Ne ggum sok-e nan neol ji-bae-ha-neun ma-beob-sa nae ju-mun-e
Neon da-shi geu-ryeo-ji-go i-sseo I got you - Under my skin
My devils ride, deo-neun sum-eul got-i eobs-janh-a geu-reoh-ga-myeon
i-jen cheul-gyeo-bo-neun ge eo-ddeol-gga I got you - Under my skin

Neon na-reul weon-hae neon nae-ge bba-jyeo neon nae-ge mi-ch’yeo
He-eo-nal su eob-seo I got you - Under my skin
Neon na-reul weon-hae neon nae-ge bba-jyeo neon nae-ge mi-ch’yeo
Neon na-eui no-ye I got you - Under my skin

seething at the edges now~Oppa!!

2008-11-13T16:26:00.007+08:00

jaejoongie looks so much like a china doll with those red lips and those beautiful eyes which seems to stare straight into YOU..im melting again for the hundredth time.

Yunnie oppa always looks cute in a suit, sulking or sultry looking? Ahhh..sexy...hihihi

idolisation and admiration which is bordering into obsession is very, very unhealthy, and dangerous, especially when you've got nothing to fall back into. today i find myself in a very claustrophobic/hyperventilating state due to the sudden realisation(finally, it sank in) that the stupid outlet is REALLY, REALLY going to open next friday but some of the design issues are yet to be approved by the landlord. I know, i swore that im not going to blog about work so i will just limit it to that previous one sentence only.

Anyway, as i was saying about the obsession, really lah kan, its like rewind balik to zaman teenager aku when i was oh so engrossed/in love/obsessed with Linkin Park. i remember eating, sleeping, thinking, dreaming of LP almost everyday. And now this phase is back but with DBSK pulak. Maybe i have to cut down on listening to the songs and MV so that i wont be having these withdrawal symptoms, auditory hallucinations(wtf)?? am i really crazy??

But tell me, please, how do i cure my lovesickness for Yunnie oppa??

ps: Note to self, in case of insomnia, DO NOT watch anime or korean shows especially after midnight onwards.

pps: im so fucking tired, stop calling me, stop asking me, stop requesting, stop changing, just STOP ALREADY!

~~pictures above are from Always JaeJoong & 2uAngels.blogspot.com~~

fangirl moment yg ke brape entah

2008-11-12T21:38:00.004+08:00

Siol ar, i just cant take this anymore!!!. DBSK da kluarkan mv wrong number pat youtube, bloody hell its so fucking fabulous, yunnie in the bathtub, then with those tight jeans only with that sexy bod. How can he be so delicious? He is really like, like, so super sexy, seriously my vocab is so. limited. i watched the mv 4 times in a row, the dance moves super pheeweeet. Betcha yunnie oppa gonna look super hot when they perform live. OMG, this means they gonna perform it at the SM town concert at bangkok this month. Babi lah all those girls get to see them. Oh yar, jaejoongie raps in this song, too hot, really too hot to describe in words. memang sajaklah nama band dorang DBSK, gods rising from the east. haiz...im meltingggg.................

Wrong number Translation:
You call me at least twelve times a day to check,
If by chance, I'm on the line with somebody
You leave a suspicious message

Who would I be talking with at this time?
It gets so hard for me, when you make up a girl who doesn't even exist, yeah

You trap me in the words of love, the annoying scoldings pile up, turning into attachment,
I want to forget you; I'll make sure you don't appear on my phone again, I said

You got the wrong number
You got the wrong number
I'm sorry. You got the wrong number
So don't call me no more

As if you're my mother, you know my whole day,
You're always worried about who I am with, as if it's for me

You try to make an excuse by saying you were curious,
But the extreme restrictions just make love more painful,
What would be the good of hanging onto a hung up call?
The words I hear are clear, what to say

You got the wrong number
You got the wrong number
I'm sorry. You got the wrong number
So don't call me no more

You got the wrong number
You got the wrong number
I'm sorry. You got the wrong number
So don't call me no more

I'll erase it all
I'll change it all
The password which reminds me of the times of you and me,
I'll erase your ring tone which rang everytime my name appeared on your phone
Reset, reset

Wow, I think I'll go crazy
I'll appreciate it if you shut up,
I'm like a stupid fish in your net, cant it be enough like this? Cash
Your words of love scrape my skin, it becomes dim,
My head starts to hurt again, I'm starting to hear auditory hallucinations,
As if you're interested, as if its for me; I'm just your item,
You don't have to be nervous by the word, No
Just let me go, say,
Help me so I can escape, say, we're already too far to start again

You got the wrong number
You got the wrong number
I'm sorry. You got the wrong number
So don't call me no more

I want to escape from you now, don't call me again,
Don't hold onto a person that has left, just let me go, just let me go

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ItPRA9TznDw

Ha Ha Ha......spazzing again

2008-11-11T18:22:00.004+08:00

Aigooo, tak tau ape nak ckp, other than pheeeweeeeet.......

jaejoongie is too sexy, sexier than oppa, but oppa still no 1 in my heart..hehe

posing maut nie...

heheheh, die tak shave, so..so...cute!!!!!!!!!!!! Muahahahahhahaha.... No matter what happens with work, all i gotta do is picture yunho oppa, hyunjoong-ssi or shinee and suddenly rainbows will emerge from those cloudy skies...kehkehkeh....i know, so cheesy but what the heck lah.

ps: mysoju da ade HYD movie...wahahhah
pps:must remember to get Hiro's pix...

so smexy..

2008-11-10T12:16:00.004+08:00

wanted to put yunho oppa's pix but today i feel like giving some of my love to hyun joongie who's cool as hell in these photos. I hope he does a good or better portrayal of Hanazawa Rui in the korean version of Hana Yori Dango. Cant wait for it, fighting Oppa!

fanaticism is when you keep hearing the song over and over again in your mind. It is whenever someone plays that song, you feel like jumping out of your seat and dancing to the song. it is when you squeal everytime someone plays the mv. it is when you download every single picture that you can find of the member that you love and setup a folder especially for that member's pictures. it is when you whine at your sisters to find you the handphone theme with the most delicious looking picture so that you can stare at your favorite idol whenever you're bored. it is when u eat, sleep, breathe DBSK....wahahahahahaha. i seriously gotta get a life,man.

rasa2 macam nak blog pasal benda A tapi rasa2 macam tak kuasa pulak. What's past is past, all we have to do is move on and look forward to the future.

Oppa~~

2008-10-29T15:58:00.006+08:00

cute face
serious face
singing face
bored face
sexy face...ahhhh
smiley face

hot!
huh? what? sorry, was busy drooling over yunho oppa's pix...soo hot.. i think this is the 3rd time that i have become absolutely obssessed over an idol..sheesh.. so my resolution this year is to somehow watch DBSK live. LP da tengok live, Muse da tengok live. Eishhh, kalau dapat be up close to Yunho oppa, aku pengsan...haiz.....saranghe Yunho-ssi...

real spazzing entry...

2008-10-24T10:20:00.007+08:00

Hahahahah, is it just me or do i have a knack of getting these boys names mixed up? Yati lah macam siak ajer, bile aku tanya whether that's junsu, she said yar, yar. Padahal its YUNHO, the leader. Wahlau eh... Adik was pissed off for the whole week sebab she thought i took her matair. Eh, please lah, perasan seh si dodol tu. anyway, presenting Yunho Oppa...LOL...

You should see oppa's body roll. Seriously man, droolworthy. If Oppa and the gang does come to singapore, i'll just faint...hehe..and then i'll scream my head off.

spazzing entry part yg ke berape ntah

2008-10-18T22:41:00.003+08:00

ahhh OMG, OMG, OMG!!!!!!! why didnt i realise that DBSK was sooo super hot????? WHY? i guess i must have been tired after work when they showed me mirotic video but really lah, how could i be so blind as to miss out the hotness?? young, fresh, oklah they're my age, but sial lah, the dancing was so damn sexy. And in the videos, baju yang dorang pakai banyak tunjuk badan...HAIZZ....cair aku depan pc, meleleh i tell you. I guess they're the best lah kan from all the bands i've seen so far, based on the dancing, live singing aku tak tau pulak. kan best kalau dorang pun datang singapore for the Korean night/pop thingy. tapi macam siak ajer, adik aku cakap the tix cost $168.

aku nak pegi tapi soalnya skarang, takkan aku nak terkinja-kinja sorg2 pat sane. tak fun ar. Tapi kalau aku bwk the kiddos, aku kene cough up at least $300 ratus lebih seh, dan takkan aku nak bawak sorg jer, nanti merajuk pulak yang lagi satu. dan soalan cepu emas pulak nie, adeke sape2 nak sponsor??

aigoo, so tough finding a nice pix of these boys, this is the only decent one i can find. my favourite is on the right. He's so much cuter in the mirotic video now that he's thinner and had plastic surgery? no idea if he's the one who got it, i might be wrong but really lah, in the interview that i watched, his face was so sculpted, so perfect, soo issh.... and it looks like he's the tallest...hahaha, i loike.

tired.

2008-10-13T21:00:00.003+08:00

Jewelry, wondergirls, etc, etc are coming to town for K-Pop night or something in November. The only idiotic thing is that most probably the tickets wont be available to the public, only through sponsors like LG when you buy their stuff. Freaking kanasai right?

Anyway, im so tired lah. its gonna be another week of rushing for proposal deadline again. PENATLAH SIOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and i really hate it when i turn up at meetings all sweaty like a pig with messed up hair and a heavy bag to carry. HAIZ.

ah soka?

2008-10-11T12:43:00.003+08:00

IM SO CRAVING FOR MCGRIDDLES!!!! dah nak kat 2 bulan seh kempunan, and i always miss the breakfast time. Bole tak request for McD's to extend their breakfast period to 12 noon? BOLE TAK?????

Anyway, stayed up till 3am to oversee the site till i was told to go back by client, macam bapak halau anak gitu, siap kasi tambang taxi sekali. If i wasnt soo groggy and hungry, i would've stayed sampai pagi macam untuk Central project.

and luckily this morning i was greeted by the sight of SHINEE..on tv lah, siak ar da ade channel arirang seh. Ahhh, onew pastu key, dahtu tunjuk snippets of the perfomances. Aku terus bukak mata besar2.haha. Aku tau adik aku pat tepi da geleng kepala. those boys are just too irresistible.

hari tu MD ade bebual ngan aku pasal this impending recession for the next few years. She proposed for us to set up a resource center in Oz, where we can design materials like those patterned granite tiles, textured glass, fabrics, etc,etc. And she says i have to think it through as i cant just test it out for a year and then run off. I will need to LIVE there and can only come back to Sg 2/3 times a year. i really hope she was joking on the 2/3 times part. IF they really set this company up, will i be willling to be away from this boring place, away from my family? Ntah eh..aku pun tak tau...

Tsuki to Knife

2008-10-07T21:31:00.002+08:00

Romaji
Boku no kotoba ga tarinai no nara
Mune wo naifu de saite eguridashitemo ii

Kimi no mayoi to iiwake gurai
Honto wa boku datte kizuiteta no sa

Itsuka mata anna fuu ni dareka wo nikumu no ka na
Da to shitara motto motto
Dakishimete toge no you ni kokoro ni sasareba ii
Anata ni zutto zutto nokoreba ii

Ima sara nanimo iwanai keredo
Kimi no kotoba wa zenbu uso de iin darou

Konna koto bakari kurikaeshitetara
Boku no namida wa itsuka tsuki ni todoku darou

Boku wa mata anna fuu ni dareka ai seru no ka na
Sono toki wa kitto kitto
Kaguwashii kaze no you ni toki ga nagasarereba ii
Itsu mademo zutto zutto tsuzukeba ii

English
If my words aren't enough
Stick a knife in my chest and carve out my heart

The truth is, I'd realized
Your hesitation and excuses

I wonder if I'll ever hate someone like that again
If I will, then I should hold you
Tighter and tighter, like thorns piercing your heart
So I stay with you forever and ever

I won't say anything now
But I don't care if your words are all lies

If I keep on doing this
Will my tears someday reach the moon?

I wonder if I'll ever love someone like that again
If the time comes, I hope
Time flows like a fragrant breeze
I hope it continues forever and ever

---no wonder it has that melancholic feel, and whenever i listen to it, it never fails to really pull on certain strings. beset to listen when you're feeling down, everything will come pouring out. Tapi bengap jugaklah aku kan, since this song came out when yamada (?)rejected mayama (?), it should be a sad song mah. Ergh, i feel like watching fruits basket again. La la la la la la la~~ La~

yes im back

2008-10-07T09:53:00.002+08:00

it went and came macam biasa, macam 2-3 tahun yang lepas. Cuma aku rasakan sinarannya semakin pudar dimakan masa. Mungkin kita semua dah dewasa dan lebih peka atau pun sensitif akan perubahan di sekililing kita? Entahlah, aku pun tak tahu. Yang aku tahu, aku dah cuba sedaya upaya to get our family to gather to make cookies together, clean the house together, etc, etc. I want to create memories for my sisters. One day we will go our own ways but i want them to remember that we sisters have to stick together no matter what happens. And as the eldest, i'll be there for them, even though i may act like a retard or a 3 year old all the time. ;p

and maybe what a friend said may be true, i cant live without my family even though i complain that all the attention they heap on me can get very asphxiating.

ku cuba menggapai bintang di langit
berkerlipan bagaikan mutiara
tapi tidak tercapai walaupun
aku melonjak lonjak
terkinja kinja
ditarik dari belakang
ditolak ke tepi
dihadang oleh bayang bayangku sendiri
aku meratap dalam hati sekali lagi

- maybe this weekend kalau aku tak malas aku upload gambar raya. Mungkin.

i wish i had snuffleophagus?

2008-09-22T15:36:00.002+08:00

is this punishment for all the naughty things i did this year?? Every single stupid thing that can happen will happen/has happen this month. And im sitting here stuck between wanting to bawl my eyes out or laughing whilst rolling on the floor. Yes, that's how extreme the emotions are. No, im NOT HAPPY and im definitely NOT looking forward to this year's 'celebration' or whatever you happy happy joy joy people call it.

Let's just hope i get to fast for the last 3 days before raya, at least ade sikit semangat raya.

Are we destined to end up like the rest of the clan? Like them ,and them and 'them' as well, though i dont like to be associated with 'them' at all. Is this a sign telling you to have the courage to break free? im behind you 100% and i know its going to be hard but if all those people can make it, why cant we? Of course, its going to have a big impact in our lives, but im still waiting for you to clearly state the direction that we should go, before i lead the way. and breaking free is what im aiming for, if its the best solution for everyone. I hope my silence will make you think and decide for yourself and them on what's next.

the reasons and the way people change for the worst is very disturbing and amusing. you start to wonder when did you go wrong and what have you done to be treated so badly like that. And then you wonder whether the changed person has had a brain transplant or has their brains removed in the changing process. People should change for the better as they get older, not for the worst. But we humans have a knack of really driving off course, which results in a lot of people getting hurt.

Am i making sense?

sanso gateun nuh...

2008-09-19T15:50:00.007+08:00

wakakakaka.....i nicked these pics from other people. Sorry, but when you have a craving for a perfect jawline, smouldering eyes, crooked sharp nose complete with a sexy/smiling but kind of sulking at the same time lips, you dont really care about other things. Oooooh, i LOVE LOVE LOVE this very first pix, the lips part...hah

She called this morning, and i can hear the nervousness in her voice, nobody was there to accompany her for the checkup at NUH. I couldnt take leave because of my deadline and i feel really bad about it. And when she called me back about 2 hours later, she sounded tired. Next friday kene pergi x-ray and then on the 10th another follow up. They are suspecting she has stones in her bladder or she might have some cancerous growth, kidney failure, etc. Sigh, i dont know how to react, its between incredulousness and shock. Nothings confirmed yet so we'll just pray hard its not serious.

But its got me thinking seriously, about donation of kidneys and stuff. What if a family member, close relative or a close friend needs blood/kidney etc? Will i have the courage to donate no matter what the end result might be? Yes im slightly afraid of needles, cant stand the thought of that thing poking through my skin and sucking my blood out. But i can watch other people get their injection, at least i think i can. Anyway, that's besides the point.

What if?

What will i do then?

badigol betul

2008-09-17T20:05:00.002+08:00

babi siol, bingit betul aku nari, dahlah kene marah tadi pasal aku misplace the names proposal, dahtu banyak lagi kene edit. Citot seh, kene buat 2 scheme, bukan aku sengaje lambat buat tapi takde feel. Aku tau dari 2 minggu lepas aku cakap aku takleh pikir tapi memang betul otak nie tak dapat nak feel, macam tin kosong tau tak.

kau mane tau? orang lain semua mane tau, tau nak paksa pinjam duit ajer lepas tu nak marah aku pulak. Pegi mampus lah, kau ingat kau sorang jer takde duit? Dahla tak puasa, nak sakitkan hati orang yang puasa pulak. Sedarlah diri tu sikit oi, manusia, manusia. Tahap kesabaran dan kewarasan aku sudah nak dekat minimum ni, silap hari bulan...meletup semua. and when that time comes, dont say that i've been influenced and that aku nie da besar kepala, kau tu yang da biol, kau tu yang da tak tau nak fikir. You should take a look in the mirror and really see how idiotic you are now, wait , you cant, you are already so very blinded by your own stupidity's reflection.

Anyway, there's 13 more days to raya. We havent really done the hari raya shopping since everyone is waiting for my pay. I really hate being the oldest sometimes. You have to lead, listen, obey, talk, work hard, blah, blah, blah. But who am i to complain lah kan? Other people are worst off.

Yesterday i was feeling very happy bila goreng cucur udang, buat air cincau, buat jelly peach for buka puasa. Dah lama betul tak work in the kitchen, it feels so nice. When im independent one day(ada rumah sendiri), i'll set aside a whole day to just cooking and baking food. Ahhh, that'll be blissful. That's what you call life.

kawaii ne?

2008-09-15T18:31:00.004+08:00

Wahaha...pretty boys who dance really good makes me feel a little bit happy today, lagipun there's only half an hour to buka puasa, siapa yang takkan happy ne?

These boys can really dance, Taemin is THE BEST, so slick, sampai aku tersqueal like a pig everytime i watch the video. kesian eh?

Aku dah tak kuasa nak tulis benda sedih2, benda menyakitkan hati, benda yang aku nak tapi tak dapat2, had enough of it in real life, dont want to read it back in the blog, jadi blog aku sekarang will be full of entries on korean boy bands, japanese animes and serials and of course pictures of cute boys/men. Running away from reality? Maybe, who cares? Aku nak tengok MV diorang lagi..weeeee

akaiki= sick of; bored (with)

2008-09-13T14:45:00.002+08:00

Doushite?????? Out of all nightmares to have, actually day-mare lah kan, since it was around 7plus in the am, i had to dream about that. Ergh, i get goosebumps thinking about it. People say that when you have a bad dream, you cant tell it to anyone because it might come true but i really gotta get it out of my system man. Is this really a look into the future or just the devil playing tricks on me since i didnt want to bangun on time for work and i had also miss subuh prayers? Yes, aku mengaku, aku memang tak guna.

But why the hell lah kan, in this dream aku bole lupa yang aku puasa dan aku terus makan kuih depan orang ramai, lepas tu bole siap minum teh peng. Tsk, tsk, tsk.... bile nak dekat habis teh tu baru aku realise yang aku puasa, terus terbangun. Kelam kabut aku pegi keje tadi. Tapi bile ingat balik HYD, aku tersenyum sorang macam kerang busuk.

by the way, aku ada terbaca some blogs from malaysian bloggers and ada rasa tak puas hati jugak lah. The way some of them blog about us malay singaporeans, they're implying that we are ketinggalan, tak maju, or something like that lah. Actually, aku nak jugak berdebat pat sini tapi memandang kan bulan puasa, dan soal malaysia & singapura agak sensitif walaupun kita ni berjiran, lebih baik lah i keep my feelings and thoughts to myself.

Sesungguhnya aku berpuasa, dan masih berkerja...Ittai...:(

Bakayaro!!!!!!!!!!!

2008-09-12T20:01:00.004+08:00

yalah, bodoh seh perempuan tu pergi choose the eldest instead of the 3rd brother. WTH kan? dahlah selenge bacin, with that spaced out smile plastered across his face and his only response was always "Ah, soka." Baka. But i think its obviously the 3rd brother's fault for missing out on his chance, he blew it in the first place by playing that joke on her thus creating an opening for the baka. Ish....geramnye, and he looked so sad, well, not that sad lah cos the girl was belo as well. Sajak lah si belo dengan si bengap. If he had asked me "can it be me?" i would definitely say yes..wahahahahha. By the way, im talking about hinimitsu no hanazono..... rating 5/10, only hongo kanata and kaname jun were cute, but hongo's character was cool, for a kid.

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Gasp, i just saw a pix of matsumoto kun posing with a girl, topless, for a magazine.....wahlau eh, heart pain seh, i gotta erase that image from my mind, begone you personification of evil, begone, shooh.....:(

Sabar, Di sabar...

tapi bile tengok gambar nie, all my worries melt macam butter....sigh...sesungguhnye aku berpuasa.

Hontoni?

2008-09-10T21:18:00.002+08:00

running off towards the open door with someone leading you in front and one hand holding onto your train of dress.....and this is during the wintertime, when its snowing.

im sure every one would imagine something like this..

And after watching that jap serial, that scene will be permanently stuck in my mind...haiz.. Isnt there any other serials which dont involve the couples marrying in the end? The optimism is getting boring.

Bulan untuk banyak bersabar

2008-09-06T12:34:00.002+08:00

I was this ( ) close to throwing my slippers at those B*** for just cutting queue when i was waiting for a cab this morning. I know lah that there's no bloody taxi stand at Teban but please lah a*******, use your brain, you guys already saw me standing there and yet each of you spineless masochistic brainless males decide to stand 5 feet away from me. What the hell kan? Of course lah the taxi wont stop since im in the middle!!! Ka****, you guys should be grateful its the fasting month, i swear i would've have cursed you inside out and picked a fight with you then and there. Seriously man, men these days are sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo super egocentric. It is so rare to find a guy, a stranger to hold a door open for you. Its just plain gentlemanly attitude to hold open a door for a girl/woman.

So, bila aku tengah layankan frust sambil dengar lagu korea, aku tak dapat suppress a smile bila dengar lagu SS501. Ahhh, so fresh, haha. At least umur dorang sebaya aku, kalau Shinee lain lah, umur budak2 sekolah menengah, tapi lagi fresh i tell you. Their live performance pat Music Bank (channel KBS world), fuyoo, the dance moves were so sleek i felt like a teenager gushing over them in front of the tv.

Dan disebabkan manga Hana Yori Dango, aku masih ketandusan idea. Dah nak dekat basi, sejak dari minggu lepas, otak aku betul2 buntu. And this is very the dangerous, especially in my field of work. Serius giler nie, everything i churn out is starting to look the same, so much so that even i am scared to draw out anything right now. Argh, otak aku macam nak pecah nie, i cant always expect boss to help me with the brainstorming. I have to LOVE this concept, it needs to have SOUL. Sudahlah, aku nak research lagi..bosan betul seh.

yoohooh

2008-09-03T20:13:00.003+08:00

Babi lah, i just posted an entry on my undying love and affection for SS501 but it disappeared due to an error??

Kanasai

Anyway, below is for your or actually MY viewwing pleasure...Droolzzz......

nak balik....

2008-09-03T20:02:00.003+08:00

ahhh....fresh boys...so cute, so fresh, so yummy.... yeah, SS501, my fave has got to be the leader, HyunJoong. The latest episode from We Got Married, where he and Buin had their 'wedding photoshoot' was really super cool. i love the shots. More than Crown J and In Young's wedding shots.

............................................

im sorry, was drooling....avid fans of these boys would agree with me. Well, this was so random and so takde makne...

antara brokoli dan bunga kubis

2008-08-30T10:18:00.007+08:00

Entah kenapa, aku betul2 tak suka makan brokoli. Tapi, aku suka makan bunga kubis (cauliflower) pulak. Kelakar kan? Mak cakap kedua2 sayur ni satu famili, tapi aku memang tak suka. Mungkin sebab penampilan brokoli macam green bushes (semak?), jadi otak aku selalu terbayangkan green bushes bila mak masak lauk yang ada brokoli.

Kelip Kelip Ku Sangka Api (Malek Ridzuan)
Tiap hari melintas di sini
Kuharapkan dapat memandang mu
Sayangnya engkau persis tak peduli
Akulah seorang merindu

Jeling jeling kau tidak berpaling
Senyum diberi tiada balasan
Sikapmu sayang membuatku rungsing
Ku turut hati merana badan

( korus )
Berakit berakitlah ke hulu
Berenang renang ku ketepian
Bersakit biarku sakit dahulu
Bersenang denganmu kemudian

Kelip kelip ku sangkakan api
Sinar mentari membawa cahaya
Kau hilang ghaib sangkaku kau benci
Kiranya sengaja nak menduga

Ini adalah salah satu dari lagu kegemaran aku dalam senarai lagu-lagu melayu lama. Aku mengaku, aku suka lagu ghazal, melayu asli, lagu zaman 60-70an dan juga dangdut (paling favorit lagu secangkir madu merah). Tapi bahasa melayu aku makin teruk sekarang. Percaya tak, aku kena fikir selama lima minit untuk translate kan perkataan list ke senarai. Haiz...... HANCUR!!!!!

When i was young, i always thought that Malek Ridzuan's voice was so hot and macho. Well, it still is to me...heeeee...cair aku dengar lagu 'Cukup sampai di sini sayang'. Ahhh, im in my oldies mode today...weeeee.....

Money cant buy you happiness

2008-08-29T14:41:00.003+08:00

Ya, aku setuju seratus peratus dengan ungkapan yang sudah sebati dalam hidup kita ini. Kau takkan jumpa sekotak 'kegembiraan' atas rak-rak di NTUC ataupun sheng siong. Dan aci di kedai mamak tu pun takkan bagi kau sedolar/sepaket 'bahagia'. Dia bagi penampar adalah.

Tetapi aku nak tanya sikit,

1) Sedih tak kau kalau bila nak pergi kerja, kau kene korek tabung yang penuh dengan duit sen, untuk tambang pergi balik tempat kerja? Sebab ezlink da kosong dan sekarang ni akhir bulan, tau tau jelah kan....

2) Sedih tak kau bila hari-hari balik rumah, mereka tak masak lauk dengan alasan tak ada apa2 dalam peti sejuk (padahal ade sardin tin dan ikan)

3) Bingit tak kau bila orang tu asyik nak pinjam $20, dan bila kau cakap takde duit, dia pulak yang bingit dan mula membebel, mengungkit dan yang sewaktu dengannya.

Ya, aku tau, orang lain lagi teruk, tapi aku tengah bosan gaji aku belum masuk dan backlog aku masih banyak. Dan nampaknya bulan ni aku kene bayar mak lebih sikit, duit dental, duit doktor, duit keje, duit ezlink, tsk, tsk, tsk...

Kenapa bila takde duit, aku tersangatlah lapar dan nak makan macam2 benda, tapi bila ada duit, tak makan pun tak kisah sebab aku tau duit ada pat tangan.

update- GAJI DA MASUK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YAYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

aku menyesal.

2008-08-26T14:27:00.003+08:00

Terus terang aku katakan, memang menyesal tak jaga gigi betul2. Disebabkan kecuaian aku, aku terpaksa pergi cuci gigi (dalam erti kata cuci, teeth cleaning). Melayang lah $120 aku yang boleh digunakan untuk naik teksi bila malas nak naik mrt. Bila aku baring atas cushion plastic tu, terbayang-bayang mimpi yang satu tu. Mimpi yang cukup sadis dan mengerikan. Aku tak nak tulis pat sini, seram seh. Dan mimpi yang lagi satu pun menjelma, yang aku tengah menadah tangan penuh dengan gigi aku sendiri. Eiih.

Sudah nak dekat seminggu lebih dah nie, aku floss dan berus gigi 2 kali setiap hari. Memang paranoid tau tak. Tapi bengkak pat gaham sebelah kiri masih ada dan gusi aku masih belum kuat lagi. Aku tak boleh makan nasi, makan bubur jer, sudah nak dekat seminggu aku makan BUBUR. Macam orang tua tak ada gigi seh. Kau tau tak betapa seksanya tak dapat kunyah makanan betul2?? Tidak kan?

Aku rasa macam hidup ni sudah gelap. Yelah, walaupun aku makan sekali saja sehari, tapi batin aku terseksa. Its like a psychological thingy. I want to eat that but i know very damn well that i wont be able to chew it let alone swallow it. Dan aku takut nak makan cokelat, seksa tau nak floss bila gusi masih sensitive. Nasib, nasib.

Apapun, aku rasa sedikit seronok sebab minggu depan bulan Ramadhan, bulan puasa. Malam semalam, kita berlima dengan penuh semangat berbincang tentang kuih apa yang hendak dibuat. In the end, Kuih makmur dengan Kuih suji saja. Aku nak buat kuih semprit, mak cakap dia tak sanggup nak buat. Sedih. Tahun ni kita nak cat rumah, maaf, salah, AKU nak cat rumah. Nampaknya, aku jugaklah kena beli cat pakai duit sendiri. Almaklumlah, ada orang tu sememangnya al bakhil bin kedekut.

memang sakit pun

2008-08-18T19:32:00.002+08:00

Aku baru sahaja habis mengemop(is this even a word) lantai ofis. Sesuatu yang aku jarang buat di rumah, melainkan kalau 'the old man' yang suruh, itupun bila dia tengah bingit sakan sebab anak2 perempuan dia malas nak mop rumah. Sebelum tu, aku lap meja2, komputer, kabinet2 yang habuknya boleh tahan jugaklah tebalnya, macam foundation pat muka adik aku no.2. Benda-benda yang tak sepatutnya ada pat studio ni, aku sembunyikan balik dalam store kat belakang. Tapi store tu sudah nak dekat tahap jadi tongkang pecah. Eleh, buat bodoh sua..

Apa? Kau cakap aku rajin? Besok mak tiri(boss) aku balik da, kelam kabut lah aku, terus jadi Maria sekejap. Kalau tak tau siapa Maria, boleh blah. haha.

Semalam aku dipaksa pergi jumpa doktor, memang betul aku sakit. Sakit angau, haha. Malam sabtu tidur aku tak lenyak, sekejap panas, sekejap sejuk. Tak terkira berapa banyak kali aku bangun untuk bukak dan pakai jaket. Rupa-rupanya mak pun tak dapat tidur pasal aku. Jadi pukul 6 lebih dia kejutkan aku yang tidur2 ayam, macam ayam jugaklah posisi tidur aku, dia nak taruk tuala basah pat dahi aku. Ish, aku rasa macam budak 5 tahun pulak. Da besar tua bangka pun mak tolong jelumkan dahi. Aku tak taulah perkataan jelum ni betul ke tak.

Kita pun melawatlah klinik privet yang bersebelahan 7/11 tu. Memandangkan semalam hari minggu, tak banyak orang yang sakit. Aku terfikir sejenak, "apekebendenye pergi doktor hari minggu, bukannye bole dapat mc?" tetapi bila teringatkan muka mak yang penat tu, aku tak jadi lah nak balik rumah. Biasalah, bila masuk bilik doktor akan tanya sakit apa, blah, blah. Suhu badan aku panas giler, boleh goreng nugget dengan hotdog pat dahi aku. Aku belum cuba lagi tapi kalau kau demam panas kau cuba lah. Kol aku kalau misi ni sukses.

Bila dia periksa tekak aku, dia cakap banyak ulcer, bukan saja pat tepi gusi tapi pat tekak jugak. Patutlah sejak hari khamis aku rasa tekak aku pedih giler. Lepas tu, dia tanya aku soalan yang pada aku teramatlah cute sangat.

"Eh, ada ulcer pat tekak awak, tak nampak ke?"

Oi, encik doktor, saya tak ada mata dalam tekak, tolong jangan tanya soalan pandai. Lepas tu dia suruh minum air banyak2 dan kalau sakit2 sendi, datang balik ke klinik, takut demam denggi dah. Mak bilang aku yang doktor tulah yang periksa adik no.2 beberapa bulan yang lepas, agaknya semalam dia tak gaduh dengan bini dia tak? Sebab tu dia baik sangat.

Kadang2 aku terfikir sekejap, english aku ni teruk sangat ke atau aku berbual cepat sangat? Bila aku bilang drebar teksi destinasi yang hendak dituju pagi tadi, orang tua yang sudah separuh abad tu tanya balik kat aku..

"ahh?? dhoby ghaut??"

Aku hairan, The Bayshore dengan Dhoby Ghaut tu sama ke bunyi dia?

think i need to go for checkup

2008-08-16T14:30:00.003+08:00

am i just paranoid or do i really need to go for full check up?

i've been having stiff neck and shoulders, swollen gums and waist pain, all on the right side of my body since Thursday. And this morning, i woke up to a giant of a migraine on the right side again, throat was burning and i felt feverish. Mum said its the heat and that im stressed out. Thank god for panadol, im feeling better now, a bit only.

What if eh? dengue fever? nope, the places i've been are only office and home, and these are the driest places on earth. Whatever, I just hope it'll go away, im soo exhausted because of it. Note to self: need to eat more fruits and veges, tadi susah nak buang air due to my diet which only consists of plain rice, spicy nuggets, sambal belacan and instant noodles this whole week. No wonder im not growing, both horizontally and vertically.

I wish people would stop asking about it. Its getting tiring answering them. And i dont need to write what they're asking since we very well know what it is.

Ahh, gossip for awhile here. The chickadees (3rd and 4th sis) said that 2nd sis has a boyfriend. Main reason is that die slalu tak kasi dorang tengok hp die, she will show them the pictures herself. But 4th sis saw her Bf's pix as the background pix for her hp. Haha, i knew it all along lah. Remember the time i waited for almost 1 n half hours at Arab street for her just cos her 'friend' who wanted to follow was late. When they reached, they were in pairs, the other pair went to eat while this 'friend' followed my sis and I to send the baju to tailor. Her 'friend' was this tall, dark bespectacled boy. Not really handsome as what 3rd sis says. I guess we had high expectations of her choice of boyfriend.

I joked with the chickadees saying that they have boyfriends as well but them being lurus bendul, confessed that they dont. haiz, bengap seh adik2 aku.

hajimemashite means..

2008-08-14T00:25:00.014+08:00

its a pleasure to meet you(i think)..it has no relation whatsoever to what im about to blog on, just that i love this word. It rolls off your tongue..i loike. Anyway, I have completed watching Couple or trouble and Gora. Now im left with Nabari No Ou, Shugo Chara and what else ar..oh yeah, Antique Bakery. Gelak seh anime nie, cos the patissier is a gay..hehehe..

By the way, the wedding was a success. but i tell you from Thursday till Friday, i was working non stop, tolong masak, running errands, angkat periuk full of lauk,etc,etc. Sometimes it feels like im a boy instead of a girl. Thursday pulak aku kene fix the sink pipe, beruk siol the screw pecah and then abis cabinet pat bawah sink penuh air..can you just imagine the smell...sheesh, macam nak nangis seh..

In conclusion, sedih jugak ar bile my abang sedare nak pegi the girl's side, kak mic was crying away, of course lah, her only brother mah and he's gonna live with the girl's family, sape tak sedih kan? but my nasihat is, unless ade banyak kakitangan, jangan masak untuk hari nikah,just order from tukang masak, PENAT WOR!!!!! And im disappointed with some of my girl cousins who didnt put much effort in helping out. Gasak lah eh, bile mak die takde and bile die kene buat keje kawin macam nie, i wanna see die bleh tahan ke tak. I mean you cant forever depend on your mum kan?? Haiz, some people just never grow up.

So, the below are pix of the wedding and also of the Singapore garden festival, lembab siot blogger ngan photobucket nak load page, klau tak da byk lagi gambar aku upload.

our gummy smile
mak tak sempat nak pose
i love this!!
and this one as well!!
hmmmmm

penuh seh pelamin.

yeah, i look like i havent showered in days..
err, eksyen ajer nie..

awwwwwwwww...
waiting for the bus i think
such a lovely couple kan??

2008-07-29T16:12:00.003+08:00

Men are all ASSHOLES!

No matter what you say, in the end, their very core is very assholic. Im soo super pissed off right now. Why are we stuck with useless men who do not appreciate what we have done, yet kept saying that we are the ones who are not helping. Da lah pelokek nak mampus, ingat pasal diri sendiri jer. I tell you im not gonna get married at all lah kan. What's the use if after marriage he turns into an ugly bastard? Sometimes i even tell myself, im not gonna feel sorry even if its over. All these times, its only sakit hati jer. We're dealing with a stubborn adolescent stuck in the body of a 47 year old man. Pathetic right? Duit nyer pasal nak ungkit2, pastu nak pinjam duit paksa pulak tu. Bile kite nak pinjam duit buat skola dulu, die beleter and made me feel like im a loser, and even made me fee like its useless living sometimes. WHAT'S THE BLOODY POINT!!!!!!!!!!!

And another one tak keje2. Da nak mampus seh. Da nak kat berape bulan tak keje2. Why even bother getting married kan? Just cos da tunang 1 tahun, kene kahwin ke? man, i'd rather jadi anak dara tua seh if the guy is unreliable like that. Tak dapat support diri sendiri, inikan pula nak support anak orang.

If i ever get married lah kan,he has to have a stable job wt gaji 3k a month or more, need to have savings set aside for the future kids education n health stuff, cant touch my money, need to give me at least $800 a month when we have kids, will let me work, WONT TOUCH MY MONEY,EVER!!!! I think i 100% agree with what some women say,

"your money is my money, my money is MY money"

if we go by this saying, we will save the heartaches, the fights and also the money.. haiz...

waahahahahahha

2008-07-25T00:47:00.002+08:00

WAHAHHAHHAHAHHAHAHHAHHHAHHAHHAHH!!!!!!! Im sorry, im laughing out of glee and excitement. i can read the gakuen Alice manga at mangafox.com.......HAHHAHAHHAHHHAHHHHAHHAHAHAHHAHHAH

So top priority on my to get list is....
1) Gakuen Alice manga
2) Ouran High manga
3) the ting tings and N.E.R.D cd

so ciao i wanna sambung bace, now at Vol 8 chapter 41..teehee...

P.s: I want naru sensei...;p

Live life to the max, baby!!!!!!!!!!!

2008-07-24T16:19:00.003+08:00

You know what?? Opportunities only comes once, and most of the time people have to look for it or create it themselves in order for them to make a difference in their lives. How come i dont ever feel the pressure to make changes or to be in the spotlight (in a good way)? Why do i always let things slip by only to realise 2 seconds later, that speaking up loudly would've gotten me a step closer to whatever that lies ahead for me (super stardom??LOL)

I think im too carefree/bo chap/laidback in a sense that i've left all my dreams back during my early secondary school days. Even in poly, there was the need to compete with peers but it always left me feeling insecure at the end of the day. With thoughts like 'Even if i study hard, is there any chance 'i'll get to study design overseas?' or 'im not talented at all, why should i do this crap', etc,etc.

Listening to boss just now, i cant help but thank her for everything. The belief that she had in me, the trust and responsibility that she's given and the chances that she has carved out for me these past 2 years, is just immense. And how do i repay her? When things go wrong and i dont know what to do, i retreat into my defense zone and try to find easy way out. Yes, i can be selfish sometimes, Believe it. And when she talked about the scenario where if one day i am capable enough to go to Moscow-or any other european countries to meet clients for meetings on her behalf, i just kind of swelled inside. And i felt a glimmer of hope, no, more like a dream rekindled? Am i even making sense here?

Anyway, what im saying is, in order to be in that position to lead and travel and stuff, im going to make a resolution.

I will start back fresh, to treat every new project with the same kind of excitement and enthusiasm as when i did my first solo project. Even when the people in the team can be major arseholes most of the time, even when they create animosity, i will fight for my right to design. im giving myself one year, cos i really need to study back on the FSSD, the coordination, and also M&E stuff since im the leading beyotch for team Singapore. You know lah, im not really that bright in the brains dept (im not stupid either tau!). And i need to read a lot and experience a few more big solo projects(2 more i think).

Budget terminal proj has really opened my eyes, Im clueless on the submission issues and M&E stuff, so paiseh when landlord ask about this, i always get away with "i'll get back to you asap on this". Yeah, i know, for how long are people gonna buy that shite right? Anyway, i need to work smarter. It's gonna be a hell of a ride again in Sept once most of the projects kick off and im not gonna go home at 9 anymore, 8pm is the latest(unless we've got submission lah).

And im sooo looking forward to this new hotel project..teehee...we'll be designing the office and service apartments and i soo wanna handle this project. Cos boss passed me the plans and briefed me on what to do. Woohooo, a project that is not F&B related. I can die of excitement now..heh. I remembered what i said when we were doing role playing during those english classes in poly, when the lecturer asked me what i thought of problems and how to handle it, i responded by saying 'i dont think of them as problems but more as challenges that everyone has to face up to'.

Now, why was i so smart last time?

sing la la la

2008-07-19T00:15:00.000+08:00

you know what?? i am in love, again. who?

IKUTO-sama!!!!! Aishiteru!!!!!! Kesian eh, im falling in love with an anime character, from Shogu chara. tsk, tsk,tskk....i think its high time i seriously start to find my other half. Dont want to end up like what a guy friend once said, "today you're 22, the next thing you know, you're 30 and you're still single". Or something like that lah. That and im tired of Her highness' constant "so, have you find a bf?", "R u hiding a bf?",etc,etc. Even her mum has taken an interest in this issue.Haiz..

And also im finding that life gets very boring now, with friends and cousins working and stuff, it'd be nice to share or spread this craziness to someone new.

So, apakah ciri-ciri lelaki idaman Miss D?

1) Someone like Halu or Chiaki-senpai. If you think im talking gibberish, the former is takuya kimura in Pride and the latter is Tamaki hiroshi in Nodame. So this means im just pathetic. By the way, have you seen Takuya-kun's Gatsby cm?? The one where he's wearing an unbuttoned shirt and he's spraying that deodorant all over his naked torso??????????? Haiz...everytime i watch, i feel like my jaws just dropped to the floor and im drooling. Nevermind that im in public at Chop Ah chai's shop wt lots of other male species at the back (watching from small tv) or im at home with the sisters watching tv as well.

In those instances i (a)felt like hugging and licking the tv, (b) wished i was the shirt Takuya-kun was wearing and (c)WISH I WAS THE DEODORANT HE WAS SPRAYING ONTO HIS BODY!!!!!!!!!Hahahah..droolz....i dont care who's reading, i just had to get this out of my system.

Ciri-ciri no 2? Hmm,..dahlah, malas,the first one sums up everything. This sunday i need to follow mum go to her anak angkat's wedding. Now here's my chance to wash eye and lookout for potential Takuya...wahaha(this is an evil laughter by the way)

NANI???????!!!!!!

2008-07-17T02:04:00.002+08:00

i am utterly disappointed. totally kecewa, hampa dan yang sewaktu dengannye... i cant believe that the morita senpai for Honey & Clover Live action is sooooo not cute.. I mean that guy doesnt even have the essence of Morita. As in crazy, random, kooky, loud, boisterous, obnoxious..etc. Yes, i only watched a few mins of the first epi but really lah, i cant feel the MORITA essence. And then they had Ikota Toma play takemoto...what the...nothing bad but takemoto is not suppose to be that drop dead cute k..yamashita from nobuta wo produce would be great as Morita and takemoto would be hmm..ahhhh, that guy from Gokusen 2, the decent looking one who always have a knack of wearing hair clips...

oooo....finished watching Itazura Na kiss....nyehehehehe...kawaii ne...Irie is cute. But i cant find the live action in jap version, so im settling for the taiwanese version now..though i dont really see the point in doing this since its a TOTAL COPY of the anime. maybe im just purposely wasting my time?? watever, it gets so boring nowadays..

Am I in limbo?

2008-07-15T19:44:00.003+08:00

Yeah, i guess i am in limbo. But tomorrow onwards, its full swing baybeh!!

Guess nobody's reading but who gives a hoot anyhoo, i am currently...

1) Still in my 'i want char kway teow' mode, though sushi has been on and off appearing in my dreams.

2) Still obsessed with 'We got married'. FYI, its a korean 'reality' tv show. My fave couple?? of course the mania couple, Crown J and In Young.. 'too much~~ A~~' Too cute lah dey..this is how REAL couples should be like, shouting at each other and totally comfortable with it.

3) ANIME is the only thing im watching these days. So crunchyroll is THE BEST site so far to go. Gakuen Alice is so so kawaii that i cant stop saying kawaii every 2 minutes. Coming from me, that's really something you see.

4) So in love with MORITA senpai!!!!!! Crazy, random,whacked out dude in Honey & Clover, really good show on friendship, not good enough to reduce me to tears since it was so slow.

5) STILL loving my week old hairdo!!! Yes, im such a vain, narcissistic beyotch. Eh, i cant help it if im cute right? hehehe.

Right, now i need to plan what to do to dress up this dusty place. Ciao nonexistent readers...wahahaha

hey ho, hey ho...

2008-07-10T13:52:00.002+08:00

yeh im back..the past 3 days were horrible cos i had high fever on tuesday, 38.8 degrees...yes i know im HOT..;p Anyway, waited for 2 fucking hours at the private clinic near the pasar. Bloody hell it was only 9am but it was packed with construction workers,etc,etc. And we had to sit on those stupid plastic waiting chairs which just made my muscles scream out for me to lie down on the cold hard floor instead. I felt like crying lah, cos all my energy was being sucked out of me. Everything and everyone in the clinic was pissing me off like hell. And to complete the stupid experience, the pharmacist typed my name wrongly. Adeke patut die type nama bangla mane as my dad's name. WTF right, YOU are holding onto MY IC, and yet you still type wrongly. Bloody kanasai. This is why i hate getting sick, because going to the clinic just to get MC and $30 worth of medicine is really not worth it, especially when it comes with these kinds of experiences.

oh, oh, i've had a haircut, wanted the nodame kind of hairstyle but since my hair still has the layered effect, had to settle for something else. Now i think i look like ASTROBOY!!!! haha, yar rite, but i really love this look, makes my face looks cuter...LOL!!! actually, wanna follow InYoung's hairstyle but her hair macam wig gitu and its super straight lor.. 4th sis went so far as to say i look like yakuza, actually she said kazuya with a straight face which made us laugh even louder...

i dont know

2008-06-19T19:21:00.002+08:00

im just bloody bored, my stomach is growling cos im hungry and im damn sleepy. dunno lah, just super bored. her highness told me yesterday that she'd broken up for good with her bf. i was very shocked till i dont know what to say.

tak tau lah eh, its like a waste of time. If he knew what he wanted from her and that she cant meet his expectations, why the hell did he ask to patch up? She told me she cried for 2 days straight, and she didnt even msg me about this. But what's the point lah kan? its not as if i know what to say to comfort her. And there she goes again with the 'have you found a boyfriend?' song. haiz...

But seriously lah, im pissed off with her ex, how can he do this to my bestie?? How can he waste her time and her love like that? His expectations pun merepek seh. Anyway, I really hope that she finds someone who can treasure her more. i only wish the best for her.

Me? macam gini jugak lah. tak tau ke depan atau ke belakang. terapung-apung di angkasa lepas.
mendak otak aku skarang, kosong jugak hati aku. i think the whole concept of how im living my life right now is so wrong, or not correct. tengah dengar sam saimun's diwajahmu kulihat bulan. beautiful lah. There's always a certain nostalgic feeling lepas dengar lagu2 with this kind of susunan lagu dan liriks. rasa tenang pun ade jugak, but mostly of a lovesick kind of feeling.

mungkin all this while im in love with the notion/concept of love itself.

dahal, asik2 tulis pasal nie, aku pun da naik jelak

you are the word, the word is destroy

2008-06-07T11:50:00.002+08:00

yeah...today i overslept but felt happy, happy, joy, joy. And listening to franz ferdinand, brings back memories of DID days. To top it up, remembered kame from Sapuri yesterday, and i cant help but smile all the way to bedok like a freaking lunatic. The girl sitting opposite kept looking at me, cos i swear i was giving out the secret coyish smile. Anyway, i will bask in this joy until someone comes and pops the bubble.

Went out for dinner at arab st with Her Highness, this time she did most of the complaining. The Bugis outlet sucks like hell and she was so damn pissed. Its not like her to complain much, well, oklah, its in both our bloods to complain a lot. The subject of my singledom was brought up again, since her mum asked, again. Aiyo, everyone is so excited seh. Its not a big deal mah. Why the big hoo haa. Of course im just sitting here waiting for Mr Right.

I dont know which type i am actually, the one who believes in prince charming coming to sweep me off my feet or the cynical one who thinks that NO ONE will ever come to catch me when i fall.
Contrary to popular belief, that i want someone who's meek and will listen to whatever i say or do, I need someone with strong opinions & beliefs, is stubborn and of course has a wicked sense of humour. Contrary to popular belief, i need someone who's the exact opposite of me, since im not all what people think i am. I look serious, grumpy, sarcastic at times and stubborn but not all the way through. Maybe someone will realise that one day and i hope its him.

Haha, yeah, like real, my social life is non existent and the chances of finding Mr Right are 0.0001% seh. But its not wrong to dream right? I'll keep on dreaming and living in La La Land until i'll wake up one day on my 30th birthday and wonder where all the years have gone....
sheesh, such pessimisim on a rainy weekend...

and the musical was fantastico...

2008-05-22T19:14:00.002+08:00

lah dey.. Guess who we (mum and i) saw at the musical??? Fauzi laily and shah, and then beatrice chia and mark richmond. Wahlau eh, mak nampak fauzi dulu. Aku da excited bercampur tak sabar terus baca the musical brochure after we got seated. Then mum looked around and asked me if that was fauzi at the door. And i went 'what, where, are you sure?' on her. And when finally those boys reached our row barulah i realise its them. Sorry, i nie malam2 memang buta terus haha. So, Fauzi was using crutches and Shah was wearing a bowler hat, in a theater, at night?? Anyway, mum smiled at them while i tried to read the brochure. Then when they sat 2 rows in front, i was gushing to mum how the sisters would be jealous that we saw those guys.

Back to the musical, it wasnt what i expected because i've never been to a musical before (if you count out the beauty world musical i saw in primary school which i can only vaguely remember). The props were cool, especially the trains. And i love the paparazzi's parts, especially the song "dengar2 sini semua.." But the most mind blowing thing has got to be Musly Ramlee. That guys' likeness to P Ramlee made the experience surreal after only 10 mins of watching him perform. And half the time i sat there i kept forgetting that this is not P Ramlee. Though there were a few times when he sang where i could distintly make out the wrong notes. Macam betul jer aku nie, but having grown up watching the movies a hundred times either out of boredom or the need to have a good laugh, i think i kinda know what P ramlee really sounds like. Cheh...

I didnt really like the others though, emelda, atillia and melissa saila..too unlikeable, whatever that's suppose to mean. But atillia's voice was very nice, read some where that she just made a record, must make mental note to look out for that.

Liza Hanim was super dee duper funny and charming on stage. Such a doll. I was really looking forward to hearing her sing live, and i wasnt disappointed. Fabulous i tell you. And when she wore the tight long dress with the labuci(saloma's signature dress) i was so stunned as the similarity was very striking. She carried out her part perfectly, i guess that's how Saloma was, very the manja.

Throughout the musical, there were moments i felt like crying as i cant believe that finally i got a peek into allahyarham P ramlee's life. For the sake of this thing they call SENI/art, he made lots of sacrifices. The circumstances before his death, dipulaukan atau dilupakan oleh society/filmakers (i think), is very sad. But this made him recognised now. Like what i told norain, it takes death to bring a person glory or infamy. Philosophical pulak aku nowadays.

So yeah, if given a chance, i would really love to watch this again. If only arwah nenek was alive to watch it, the musical really reminded me of her..haiz..

im gonna watch a musical..alalala..

2008-05-17T16:55:00.002+08:00

OMG, OMG, OMG.....

just watched smap just now, the one where Ueno Juri and Tamaki Hiroshi were guests, i could almost die of happiness i tell you. How often is it do you get to see 2 of your favourite idols on the same screen????? Both look uber hot lah, cant deny that tamaki is younger but takuya just exudes that aura..i just wanna give him a bear hug seh, especially when he laughs. And tamaki, aiyo yo, lips are soo..kissable.. sheesh..drooolssss.......

Anyway, now im hooked on kazuya kamenashi plak, all thanks to gokusen 2 lah..but the thing is, he looks gay leh..not just the look but the way he carries himself...errrgh, dont tell me its true..

WHERE'S THE FUCKING SHIELDTOX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2008-05-14T19:48:00.004+08:00

Blahdy piece of fuck im being attacked by 2 bees, 2 fucking bees who are hovering at my pc and then keep zooming towards my head!!! Fuck lah, if u want to die, go some place else. and if u want to spawn, my office isnt the best place for you to fuck, you fucking insects!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Babi seh, its like an insect house here. just 1 month ago, the ugly green metallic bug kept making my pc area its deathbed. I'll reach office and i will be stepping on something like plastic only to find that the 'corpse' hardened. And i stepped on it leh, barefoot leh...Can you imagine the horror??!!!!! I cant even bear to step on bugs while wearing shoes, inikan pulak barefoot!!!!! ARGH!!!!! And dont get me started on moths, its like the 20th floor here, why do they choose my office as their mauselum??!!!

i've got 3 simple solutions for this stupid bug problem...

1) Dont open window, use aircon. BUT I CANT STAND AIRCON!!!!!!!!!!!!

2) Scotch tape the mesh curtain to the window when i open it. So the fucking lil bastards wont come in.

3) BUY MORTEIN/SHIELDTOX WHATEVER INSECT KILLING THING THAT'S AVAILABLE IN THE MARKET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And then im gonna spray and then smack those buggers with the broom. DIE YOU EVIL FIEND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And right now, i look like an asshole in my hooded sweater with a newspaper on my head for protection. Fuck, im soo pathetic....im going off, headache's getting worst...

i will love you forevarrr....

2008-05-10T20:04:00.002+08:00

yes, i watched Pride, again. im sorry, but im still hooked on it, J-serials lah.. I salute takuya Kimura, so versatile, can sing, act, comedy also can...Sheesh, he's so hot lah dey..

Does true love really exist?
Is there someone out there waiting for me?
Do i have a chance to love and be loved?

Thanks to these types of serials, im now plaqued with these qns, which are swimming around in my head persistently, clinging onto the deep recesses of my mind. Its becoming of an obsession, the only thing that's in my head right now, other than work.

And we were running around, her highness and me, trying to catch iron man at cineleisure. But the damn thing only end at 2am, the only slot that we could get. Of course i can choose to go home late but we gotta respect her parents curfew. Seriously, sometimes i think if i dont go home at all, no one would really notice since im always coming home late due to work anyway. Can i say that my parents trust in me so much or that they dont give a shit. The former is for mum, the latter is dad..

Anyhoo, i dont know lah, it feels like this is not really worth it. This life. I dont know exactly what i want to achieve. For god's sake im 22 and still have no real motif/agenda in life. So useless man. im so useless, sometimes i feels like im only doing this for the sake of being able to work, spend money, buy food to eat and live. What is the real purpose in all this?

But deep down i feel guilty. I dont know how to love Him properly, how do i expect to be loved at all? Why cant i love Him first before trying to achieve worldly loves... Sad right? i keep forgetting His love is more rewarding. That is what i need to achieve since He lent me this life, this atemporal life, talent if i might say so...

fuck i forgot i need to pay courts...babi lahhhhh

aiyo yoh..

2008-05-07T17:38:00.003+08:00

alamak, penat siol kene buat documentation for the BT project. Dahlah tadi MD call, kene taruk dimension tulah, annotate nilah. As if contractor baca betul2 dwgs aku?? Dorg bile project to da one week bergerak baru nak tanye aku for details, Amoy whats this? Amoy how to do that?macam aku tak tau pulak dorg nye tebiat. Anyway, tadi sedang aku tengah layan tension pasal orang tue tu membebel about my lack of info in the dwgs, terpancul lah sentence yang bagi aku, kelakar giler, kalau tak kelakar, lame lah...

'' tidakkah kau nampak apa yang telah aku hantar...?? '' or something like that. Otak aku pun tak betul juga eh? Macam berbual dalam bahasa melayu kuno, oops, bahasa baku. Senang cakap macam zaman Hang Tuah but without the pantun lah. Silap hari bulan betul2 aku cakap macam ni bila berbual ngan orang.

Sebenarnya, dah lama juga timbul idea nak tulis dalam bahasa melayu, bukan bahasa pasar tapi BAHASA MELAYU. Tapi aku betul2 rimas dan cukup tak sabar bila bab membaca balik sebab its all too flowery. Ini belum start tulis lagi nie... Tapi (aku sidetrack sikit) aku tak boleh disalahkan kerana tak ada kesabaran. Zaman kita sekarang ni nak semua benda cepat , chop2, on time. Macam aku ni, as im typing, bukan aku type words in full but in sms lingo. Nak cepat katakan. Bila tak ada internet, ish, CHOY, jangan cakaplah, aku boleh gila seh. Cuba kau bayangkan, im in singapore and boss is in God knows which country, if not for internet, macam mana nak berkomunikasi dan hantar dwgs, etc? Lebih baik aku tak keje, which is a very lovely thought i might add.

Fikiran aku tak bercelaru, cuma perasaan aku ni tak tentu arah. Nak kata lovesick, tak jugak cuma aku ni skarang addicted sangat lah dengan series Nodame due to tamaki hiroshi who just exudes coolness and hotness. And also takuya kimura, iiiissshhhh, he is even more sexy.. macam nak cair when he makes that brooding sulky face..whahahha...

klah, nak sambung buat keje, aku macam nak cabut ajerr......

and the reason for the emo-ness...

2008-05-05T11:47:00.003+08:00

...is because that week of the month has arrived. That's why i cried at the slightest sad moments in the j-dramas that i've watched. Dont get me started on Nodame Cantabile. All the scenes have been popping up in my mind, like flashbacks. And im sooo addicted to Tamaki Hiroshi, i think i might just froth in the mouth if i dont see his picture or watch a video of him today. And takuya kimura, why do i feel like giggling like a bimbo and melting into a puddle all at the same time whenever i watch ur movie or drama? These guys are too hot i tell you. And they should be punished for making me dream of them at night. Yeah, they should be sentenced to a kiss and a bear hug from lil ol moi, EVERYDAY....wahaha, yes, im evil...

Anyway, I am in desperate need of some action and drama in my life. No, not the drama in work, that's a different kind of thing altogether. I want to fall in love. head over heels in love. I want to be dumped and dump someone else in return. I want to feel anger and sadness over that someone. And for once i want to be needed, like my presence matters to people other than my family or friends. For someone to message me asking how my day was or to tell me just how cute i am. Hey, I AM CUTE. For someone to shower me with attention and affection. Is that so much to ask for??

And also to love that someone, to worry about him, to be angry at him, to make him feel like he's the handsomest guy in the world (but no one can top chester, takuya and tamaki lah). To talka nd eat togehter and just to walk side by side. to listen to his fears, his frustration, his happiness, his dreams and make it mine as well.

But somewhere inside, it feels like these kind of things doesnt exist and that its not real. So do i mean to say that everybody around me is not in love but just going through the motions?

Am i cynical cos i dont think they really are in love? I dont know. And i dont think i can ever fall in love. It is just absurd to think that someone out there will fall in love with a short potty mouth, scatterbrained, jap/korea drama addict and Chester loving Me. Its like saying i like techno music!!

But i wish He will grant me the opportunity to fall in love, even if it means i get my heart broken into a million pieces or i act all girly girl/lovey dovey. Cos then all those love songs will mean much more,and i guess i will really be LIVING and not just ''going through the motions.."

Cheh, im so emo, i hate it...

im hooked again...

2008-05-03T12:19:00.002+08:00

I couldnt take it, i had to watch a j drama or movie. And yesterday was like the tamaki hiroshi marathon. I finally resorted to watching Tada kimi, Wo aishiteru, since i had reservations about watchin it after my sister's summary of the story. But seriously, it was nice, kind of like takuya kimura's A beautiful life, but in this case, the guy(tamaki hiroshi) didnt get to spend time with the girl. He didnt even know where the girl was and that she had passed away. So sad, i guess you always realise that you cant live without someone until they are taken away from you. And the girl had so many secret shots of him(since he thought he how to take pictures). You can just see that from the angles and the composition of the shots, she really loves him. Mundane things like walking or napping on the couch, so much love is in it. Ah, i dont know how else to describe it.

And then there's the European special for Nodame Cantabile live action. Haha, my chiaki senpai kissed Nodame. He had that so full of love face, like he's about to blow up due to the overwhelming love he had for her. Wah lau eh, i cant belive im writing all this stuff. Anyway, the finale for this special was that he finally went into the Hentai forest, which meant into Nodame's world. hahah, my goodness, i didnt know Nodame has a foot fetish.

But i feel frustrated with Chiaki, he can be so self centered that he forgets Nodame is still a girl, his girl. Haiz, when is he going to give her the necklace? And when are they showing the 2nd season???????

Watching these movies/drama makes me wonder whether these type of stories do exist in real life. Maybe its all just fairytale.

Yay yay besok holiday

2008-04-30T20:54:00.002+08:00

Ahhh...tomorrow is labour day. Aku yang sememangnye pekerja dapatlah rehat sehari but dammit i have a submission next Tuesday, for the Budget Terminal project. And then the plan is wrong cos the columns were not included. Luckily Jeff highlighted that the columns at the back are far from the boundary line, i almost overlooked that!! So now i have to relook into EVERYTHING. NICE LEH. NOT.

Anyway, reading back on past made me realise that some entries were in codes, until i dont even remember what the story was all about.

And yeah, i hope what kak yan said about the N95 is true,cos i REALLY need a new hp. This current one sucks a lot.

I need something but i cant quite put my finger on what it is. maybe cos there's a lot of things that i want.

my BANAUE trip....

2008-04-19T13:34:00.009+08:00

I AM BACK!!!!!! Yes, sane, safe and sound in singapore, home sweet home. I still hate the crowds and i hate the air here, it stinks. Not like banaue, where its soo cooling and refreshing. By the way, the pic above is of me on the tricycle at banaue. MD sent me off at 11pm on the FLORIDA LINER bus at Salampag,manila which takes at least 10 hours to reach Banaue. I regret not taking pictures of the mountain scenery when we reached the area around 6 am(its as bright as 8am here you know!!!), since i was too exhausted from the stomach cramps i had from 3am onwards. And because of not enough sleep and the extreme cold conditions in the bus, i caught a farking fever. Talk about bad luck.

my room view, looking down at the street.

ok, this is the view from the restaurant window. I sat there, breathing in the fresh air and just thinking about how beautiful the view was. Of course, i thanked Him for this opportunity. I kinda thought at some point that it was just a dream. It felt surreal being alone in a foreign place.

My guide for the day, Freddie. The cute uncle (i regret not taking his picture..-_-) from the post office fetched him from Greenview Lodge (where im staying), cos Freddie went back as my bus arrived late, around 9am. I was so kanchiong cos i forgot to ask MD what my lodge name is. Fortunately, these people were super helpful and friendly. While the wife asked me to sit and wait, the husband took a motor to fetch Freddie for me. When i was frantically fixing on the local sim card and trying to dial MD's number, someone asked "Are you Ms Diana?". Never have i felt so relieved in my life to hear someone asking me that. All i could do was cry out "and i thought i was gonna be lost here forever!!" They laughed at me and the cute uncle said that Freddie waited until his hair turned white. Fyi, i looked a total mess cos i tossed and turned on the seat for 10 hours, my face was pale, my hair dry and frizzy, my eyeliner smudged..gosh, how could they look at me??? HOW DID I FACE THEM????

another window view...lovely seh..

The tricycle driver, and i forgot to ask his name...haiz..He likes to chew on betel leaves,so much so that his lips are red, reminds me of late granma. Anyway, this guy drives nicely in the first half of the day, but as we got to the end of the day, the hot sun was too unbearable so he drove faster which means the ride was very uncomfortable. VERY i tell you.

Freddie made a few stops where i can take pictures of the sceneries. It was absolutely breathtaking. I was rendered speechless and could only either say "wow" or "this is very nice". This is due to the fact that i was having a splitting headache because of fever and the bumpy ride. My brains felt like popping out of my eyes tau.

These terraces were built 2000 years ago by their ancestors, built from the top to bottom, they carved out one plane, and then shifted the mud down and created the lower plane,so its like building blocks but from top. And these rice terraces are owned by the people, not the government. So right now, these locals are either doing basket weaving, wood carving, souvenirs stuff while waiting for the harvest period which is in October if im not wrong. They take at least a month to harvet their lots. Freddie says that the weather has been really weird these few years, their harvest is not much so they have to get their rice from Thailand.

Super lovely. Air was cooling. And what you hear is the crickets and maybe hens clucking. These pictures are either from Hapao, Hong Duan(?) or Banaue. Cant remember which we were facing.

Jonson, Freddie's uncle, who took me to viewpoint on second day, told me that this waterfall is actually water from the rice terraces. Its from the irrigation system which he says is big and water comes out here in order for the rice terrace not to overflow. Err, i think this is what he meant lah..

Im not sure but this might be the view from Viewpoint, banaue.

Doggy taking a rest at one of the resting towers.

There are dogs everywhere, and i only saw one cat. I asked Freddie where the cats are and you know what he said? "The cats are at home" . Siak ar, i felt like asking him if he's for real but instead i said "because of the heat?". Luckily he said yes, if not i was gonna strangle him. Anyway, afternoon was super hot. Here we took a break and they offered me pisang masak hijau. Nice i tell you. And we talked about singapore and stuff. Freddie did most of the asking, about how many family members i have, what i work as, how living in singapore is like. I got to know that he is 25 yrs old, has a twin and has 13 siblings and has been a tour guide for a year.

So when we took the hellish ride back to the lodge which was around 4pm i think, i went straight to bed and slept, covering myself up with the blankets and shivering like mad. The fever got worst and i've no panadol at all!!! So slept i did until i woke at 7 plus pm or was it 10 plus pm? It was totally dark and i heard people talking loudly at the street downstairs. Since it was a blackout, i decided to go down to get candles from reception, but when i was struggling to lock the door, the lights were back. So i slept back with the lights on. Yes, i sleep with the lights on in foreign places.

walking down was ok but climbing up was TIRING!!!!! i staggered halfway to catch my breath. My fever hasnt fully gone actually.

Ok, this is the 2nd day and Freddie couldnt bring me around as he was booked by someone else for the whole day. So after having breakfast, i walked around to the market and saw people crowded over the IFUGAO men carving wood. Learnt from Jonson later on that they take at least a day to carve something out, but this depends on how intricate the design in. The piture is below since i mixed up my own itinerary..sheesh..

Jonson took this photo for me as i posed with the Ifugao headgear which cost 10 pesos for hire.
Jonson is soo softspoken, he helped to hold my souvenirs for me and waited patiently while i looked around for what to buy. He's also been a guide for a year. And when i told him that he must've seen lots of peopl from around the world, he responded with a laugh and went on to say that tourists from ''..France and Italy are the most difficult to manage. They are stubborn, dont want to listen to guides and wont admit if they're wrong. And they dont get tired..." I
was laughing the whole time he recounts htis story of a couple who kept asking to go on when they are done.

I would like to ride on these jeepneys one day.

At viewpoint with Jonson.

Soo close to the padi fields but too much of a coward to go down and walk at the edges. Its too narrow lah, i was afraid of falling down. Jonson offered to go down with me but i refused saying its too narrow. Then he said if i want to go batad, to the waterfalls, i will need to walk at the rice terraces. And it'll be a gruelling 6 hours back and forth. I could only muster a groan as a reply.

Ifugao men carving the wood.

This picture should be below lah. Anyway, this was when i walked all the way down from Banaue hotel, the swimming pool and the souvenir shop. If i went down further to the village, i dont think i can go back up at all. Jonson told me to leave my bag at the post office but i politely declined saying im just gonna walk around. But lil ol me forgot the stairs are not like the stairs in singapore and so when i reached the souvenir shop, i was panting like a dog and the old uncle offered me a seat. And when he said i've a big bag, all i could say was that i dont want to carry too many bags so i squeezed everything inside.

Note to self: Listen to the locals when they tell you to leave bags because you dont know where you itchy legs and your curiosity will lead you to.

Jonson said that they burned the rice as it was too dry?

Well, this is the bus, but not my bus. I waited from 6plus until the bus reached at 8pm at the post office. The cute uncle passed by me many, many times but i was too paiseh to take his photo. And he remembered my name!!!!! I think everyone knows everyone else's names here. And how can you forget a pale faced girl with pink specs and a large blue backpack??

Well, that concludes my trip. The ride back to Salampag was ok but i still didnt sleep. Airport was HORRIBLE, no seat when i reached, line was slow at the check in counter and there were at least 20 kids running around!!!!!!! Anyway, next time im going to Batad for trekking to the waterfalls, it'll be a whole day affair but i think i kind of know what to expect. But before that, i gotta exercise and improve my stamina so i wont embarrass myself by fainting halfway in the future...

how i got hooked...

2008-04-12T14:31:00.006+08:00

..to japanese drama.. its all because of 'shotgun wedding'. And now im so paiseh because i found out the lead guy in the show wasnt takeshi kaneshiro but Yutaka Takenouchi. They look similar lah, malu gue..

This show was about how 2 people who arent attracted to each other decided to get married cos the girl got pregnant after their one night stand. Nice show, made me sob a bit but somehow the lead characters dont seem to have a connection at all. Its like there's no chemistry. But i guess that's how its meant to be protrayed since the characters are opposites of each other??Anyway the parts which got me fuming mad, was that the guy was so self centered, so insensitive to the girl's feelings and situation. I half wished she would just leave him instead of trying to make him like her. Ok, fine, i wished that from the start... why would you want to cling to someone who's such a jerk??

And then there was 'beautiful life'. I caught the series halfway but it was good lah, basically it was a love story between a wheelchair bound girl with terminal disease and a hairstylist. The ending made me cry like a baby. Isnt it hard to let go of someone you love, especially due to sickness. I love Takuya kimura, he was excellent in this drama. I wonder if guys like his character do exist somewhere out there.. hmm. And then there was 'pride' and 'good luck.' These were shorter serials but who wouldnt want to miss watching takuya kimura in a pilot suit??? Super hot i tell you.

And so i caught a few more serials, hanakimi, my boss my hero and the latest which i managed to finish off this morning at 5.30am.......

Nodame cantabile...cool show about nodame and chiaki, students from a music academy. In order to be with chiaki, nodame enters a competition and practices hard. there's a lot of cool info about all the classical music, composers and maestro, kind of makes me want to listen more to the classicals. I think it could be considered slapstick comedy as well, since nodame gets hit by chiaki senpai almost every single time. brutal lah this show. Chiaki is such a cool dude. i would go gaga if i saw someone like him....sigh

The reason why im writing all these stuff is because i just want to say that i've found my one (maybe the 3rd actually) true love in Nodame..

presenting Mr Hiroshi Tamaki!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

he looks so much like ariel from peterpan but he has more of the rocker look, so sexy, so, so good looking in just a crisp white shirt and grey trousers(not those baggy ones the korean characters like to wear). Ahhhhh... so hot...so many things that i'd like to do, i mean, say to him. Err, i'll keep my thoughts to myself, dont want to come across as a psycho fan here.

Ok now, i just need mum and MD to find someone like him for me.

Wahahaha.....

Im serious.

2008-04-10T20:14:00.002+08:00

today is a fucked up day

1) Beloved office pc crashed, all goone now i have to resave everyting back

2) cant connect to wirelesss from the pc, it kept restarting when i installed the cd and when i try to connect to the net

Everyhting sooooo fucked up..

but Pinko is here so i've got nothign to worry about....

i love you Pinko, if you were brown, i would've called u Coco...

(but the printer head down again, the scanner fixed to farkeroldpc only...bah, stupid lah!!)

Its been ages..

2008-04-05T00:11:00.000+08:00

N im back. Lots of things happened and it always reminds me that i've forever been going back and forth. I've never really reached forward. Its frustrating to know that in the end, everything is just superficial, the relationships and the 'bonds' which i thought had existed. Maybe im just too naive lor. The only person i can trust is myself.

Anyway, im going to Manila in 9 days time for the furniture fair and also to visit Serendra. But what im SOOO Looking forward to is the visit to the Unicef rice terrace at banaue(?) MD told me the itinerary yesterday and i was trying so hard not to squeal out of excitement on the headset. First day will be the furniture fair, after that i freshen up and wait for bus which will take 9 hours to get to the mountains. Therefore i will reach the mountains the next am, and get to spend whole day there hiking at the mountains wt a tour guide. And then take the bus back and reach town in the 3rd day which will be spent walking at Serendra. 4th day i'll drag my ass back to singapore...hehehe.

But the sad thing is, they havent been able to book me in the tour yet. There's a high possibility that i might not get to go to the mountains. But im praying that somehow, they could slot me in. I WANNA SEE THE RICE TERRACE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Then i could brag to mum that i've been there before her..WAHAHAHA...

I really wanna cry, certain events due to my carelessness and stupidity have led to certain confrontations. And that day, i almost broke down in the train while on my way to work. Because all those anger, frustrations, sadness and embarrassment just came crashing on me. And it felt like i was drowning in helplessness. Sometimes i wish that i dont have to go through this alone. Its tiring.

new glasses

2008-03-04T20:33:00.002+08:00

hohoho, i've finally gotten my new glasses. A present from her Highness, who forced me to wear it straightaway. Its pinkish purpley...hehehe. and i love the logo on the left side...

She asked me the same questions again and i cant help but wonder how on earth am i going to find one if i keep up with this lifestyle. Im not looking for one but it'll be nice to have one. And she asked what kind of character am i looking for? To tell you the truth i dont know. She says im too dismissive,disinterested and fierce, so i gotta find one who will listen to what i say. Hahahaha... so i gotta find a meek one? Seriously man, so funny...

Anyway, MD says she's gonna buy me the original Piaf's cd, but there's no padam padam song though. She'll pay for it cos its expensive. So should i say no? Hmmm. Piaf's voice so reminds me of Momo latiff and Normadiah's voice in the 1940s (i think). It has that shrill voice that you will liken to a birds call (bad analogy here) which fills you up and makes your heart want to burst with all that sunshine and stuff. Makes your hair stand on ends too and you feel like tearing a bit.

Oh yar, a piece of bad news here,at least for me lah, norain just told me (after I asked her about it) that she's shifting to JB end of this month. For a second there i thought it was a joke. Haiz im so heartbroken. It'll be so hard to meet up with her (not that its easy to meet up nowadays) for dinners and stuff. Who knows, one day she'll leave singapore for good. HAIZ............. But really lah, its been so hard to fix dinner date with her for the past few months, so much so that i've given up hope trying to ask her out. Hmm, looks like i really gotta find a boyfriend now. I wonder if the apek who lepaks at the corridor is free this weekend..;p

Row row row your boat.

2008-02-25T22:31:00.000+08:00

Mum had to go for counselling after her blood pressure shot to 120 that day. I kind of pity her after reading on the net about the diet that she has to follow. No fatty stuff, no oily stuff, no snacks, no pickles, no sweet foods, well, you get the idea. Its either baked, roasted, steamed or boiled. And so, the whole family will have to forget about eating these yummy stuff as well so as to show our undying support for mummy dearest. Which means i also have to join in the power walk every weekend morning.. BOOOOOO...

Finally got to buy AIW book, although i wished i'd been patient enough to hunt for the original one with the full illustrations. It must cost a bomb though.

"Here one of the guinea-pigs cheered, and was immediately suppressed by the officers of the court. (As that is rather a hard word, I will just explain to you how it was done. They had a large canvas bag, which tied up at the mouth with strings: into this they slipped the guinea-pig, head first, and then sat upon it.) `I'm glad I've seen that done,' thought Alice. `I've so often read in the newspapers, at the end of trials, "There was some attempts at applause, which was immediately suppressed by the officers of the court," and I never understood what it meant till now.' "

Wasnt that hilarious?? i was laughing to myself the whole day after reading this part. Teehee. I could just hear Alice thinking that to herself.

Supre trooper

2008-02-19T20:02:00.002+08:00

in the span of 4 days, 2 people have asked to borrow money from me. Im sorry, i may look loaded but unfortunately, i am not.

and right now i am under EXTREME pain.

the intern's LO is gonna drop by tml after lunch. So why do i feel like its me who's going to be graded and not her? hmpf, i just gotta act normal (should i go for crazy normal or quiet normal?) and if he shows attitude, then im gonna show him what Ms D's attitude is like.

ps: i so cant wait for PR season 4, that christian guy is so cool.

pps: phrase for the month is 'SUPER TROOPER' . Since everything is super stupid/annoying/irritating/hot, etc. God, im starting to sound like a _ _ _ _ _...

gong xi fa cai

2008-02-14T20:40:00.002+08:00

I know its very late to be saying this but Happy New Year to all the chinese peeps. Anyway, after being back from my excruciatingly short and boring 4 day break,i feel like asking for a break again. Too many things coming together at the same time. I know boss is tired, from the tone of her voice, since she didnt have CNY break at all. And i already feel like she's letting me lead EVERYTHING. And that sometimes, i do things without her needing to give out instructions. And she says I make her sound like a whiny old lady. Haha. Well, she was the one who told me to be the Singapore boss.

And the ITP student started on monday, so its all a bit weird since i need to get used to having a WE instead of a ME in the schedule. Its presurrizing too, since i need to set a good example for her. Cos what if she tattles about me to her lecturers (esp the old dude, the horror!!) and it circulates in SP DID that im a crazy, scatterbrained skinny bitch who eats like a pig????

By the way, yesterday i practically forced Her Highness to accompany me watch movie. And what did we catch?? KUNG FU DUNK!!!! Its a nice movie, though not much of a storyline. Jay Chou is super cool but selenge seh.And his eyes, very sepet. How can someone who wears an outfit of white tank top with trackpants(?) and sweatshirt look soo good??? The fight scenes in the club were very stylo and the lamest part has got to be the turning back time scene. What the fuck was with the evil cloud thingy that was chasing him when he ran towards the light???

Anyway,we ended up taking the last bus home from Vivo. Talked about her life, her baby bro who has lots of scratches on his face now, her family, etc. It was nice catching up with her. Reminds me of our sec school days. Sec school friends are like ice cream, goes well in sunny days and rainy days too, dont you think? yeah, random right?

Oh yar, that day i had a long dream and Norain, the old dude and a few other people happened to be in it. Super weird la i tell you. I was in a book store, with shelves 1 storey high, paying up at the cashier. The lady next to me was harping on and on about her cards and taking them out one by one. Then, as i took my atm card to pay for the books that i bought, norain appeared and asked why i was buying old books. To which i replied that it was for my sisters. Then we decided to catch a movie but to eat first since i was starving (im always starving arent i?).

We found Mcdonalds but norain said it was too far from the cinema. When we turned back, we were at the interchange and that was where the old dude showed up. SPORTING LONG CURLY AFRO LIKE HAIR COMPLETE WITH A STRAW HAT!!!!!! I was shocked, both norain and i laughed. The old dude chatted with us for awhile before walking off (in his signature style/strut) to join his friends. And then we found ourselves sitting at a sort of mezzanine carpeted area, just watching a couple playing with their baby. When people start applauding over something the baby did, we realised we'd been sidetracked and made our way to take the train. And it was a corridor away with only 3 seats (one was broken), kind of like the seats at those fun fair rides where you're buckled to the seat and moved backwards i think. So norain went to the control room and started the engines while i went and buckled my seatbelt. The last thing i remember is us waiting to take off and the people who gathered at the mezzanine were shouting at us to wait for them...

Why am i writing all this? Cos its the first time i remembered a dream so vividly. This dream was so weird, much weirder than my other surreal dream. Ironic kan??

Are you ready kids?

2008-02-06T18:09:00.000+08:00

Well, well, well...the past few days have been a bit hectic and also pointless. I've had to endure pointless waiting, pointless meetings and pointless conversations. Im not going to dwell much on it as its only going to give me more heartburn. Anyway, this NUH project taught me a lot more on how people behave, the psychological and social aspects. Haiz, i have to keep reminding myself that design is very subjective, especially when you're dealing with people who think they can design better than you. Then what's the purpose of me being the designer?

I know they're going to say that my PM does most of the job and that he's reliable(since he goes for most of the meetings) but they forget that the design, the conceptualisation, the stupid dwgs and also the final say comes from me. Just because i keep quiet when you talk doesnt mean im dumb!!! The finishing isnt very good, i wished i wasnt so caught up on the T3 project, there's a lot more that could have been done better for this.

So, the picnic on sunday was super fun but also super short. Since it rained in the afternoon, we were stuck in the tent for almost one hour. It was fun, just the five of us girls, eating and laughing at each other. Of course, i had to carry the big bag of food all the way from home (makes me feel like im the boy in the family). And of course, mum and i did most of the work, frog and adek helped out a little while itik was just being plain minah-ish. She is so DAMN LAZY i tell you. When she gets married one day, i bet she'll be hiring maids instead of doing the chores herself. In fact, she said she'll PAY me if i can cook for her when she's married. Bloody pain in the butt.

Sometimes, i find it really childish of you to be so stingy about money. I mean, we're your family and your responsibility. All my life, i've always been trying to be the best, to be different, to be more responsible, smarter, more resourceful and independent. Just so that you can be proud of me. But all you ever did was to question me sceptically on the choices i made and the things i do. Sometimes i think all you want is just money. And i bet you have not grown up at all, not one bit. And if you were to leave one day, we'll only be crying because we wished we'd known you better. But like what i said, you were the one who chose to create the rift and to detach yourself from us. I pray to God that one day you'll grow up and realise that you've wasted half of your life ignoring us. If i was a boy, i'd have walked out a long time ago. But if i was a boy, things would have been different wont they?

today is.....

2008-01-30T22:04:00.000+08:00

i shall declare today as the MY HATE DAY.

Top 5 list

1)I hate doing graphics especially when i have to follow the concept from a certain magazine. Those magazines only do mood shots!! I HAVE TO SUPERIMPOSE DIFFERENT SHOTS INTO A CERTAIN SIZE, so how the fuck can i get the same effect!!! ITS NOT THE SAME THING!!!!

2)I hate irritating,annoying,noisy,middle aged women who only loves to talk and complain. Excuse me, do i look like i can predict the shadow will cast the inverse cross effect on the floor, you bloody maggot??

3)I hate the stupid 35% taxi fare hike!!!! It costs like $8 more to take a cab to bayshore during peak hour. Fuck the stupid system man..

4) I hate having to go to site when i obviously have 3 deadlines before CNY. ARGH, just finish off the stupid project lah...

5) I hate lifts. Especially NUH and Bayshore lifts. Lembab nak mampus seh. Aku tekan down die turun naik between levels 7-9. Stupid piece of junk.

Ergh...stupid fucking day its turned out to be.....

ps: 22 years passed by, just like that...and i still feel awkward,weird,angsty....

2008-01-26T12:43:00.001+08:00

i take it back.... about not wanting to be a designer anymore..

i get butterfies in my stomach everytime i flip through books on design and architecture...And my heart skips a beat whenever i see some cool designs...im NOT exaggerating.

MUST.REMEMBER.SAGRADA.FAMILIA. 1st place to visit if i ever have enough moolahs to travel to europe. Ahhhh...(im swooning btw)

Haiz...its a love hate relationship.

i think i know what i wanna do...

2008-01-25T22:24:00.000+08:00

Yes, open a chocolate bar!!!! Boss has been talking about it for sometime and since then that little voice keeps saying that i should seriously think about it. I love designing but the human factor just makes it so depresssing at times. I still tend to react based on emotions rather than what i think so i guess im not cut out for this after all. And i still suck at some things so, yeah, the truth hurts, but you gotta have talent(which im lacking) and not just hard work for this kind of career.

Now i just gotta start working on testing out those chocolate puddings, tarts, etc,etc. And maybe invent something?? hehehe... Gotta seriously start saving money in order to make this dream come true in at least 5 years time. Why so long? Cos i still want to enjoy designing first...

Anyway, in a weeks time, i'll be turning a year older. Lets just hope this birthday doesnt suck like the last time. But taking into account what i will be doing that day(handing over of the shop), i wont be surprised if it does. BOOOOOOOOOO!

ps: i need to get a laptop. fast.

2008-01-17T22:09:00.000+08:00

This is really pissing me off. My beloved has decided to throw tantrums since last sat and now it feels like im working with a time bomb BUT i dont know when it will blow up. I have to be careful everytime i do or start something in case it flips out again. Bloody hell, i've got enough problems with people chasing me for the concepts and graphics, i dont have the patience to sit and wait for you. I cant afford to waste away my time, and because of you, this week has gone by without nothing much done. And now we need someone to come over and check you out. Please lah, get a grip and STOP SHUTTING DOWN YOU BLOODY PC!!!!!!

I have to remind myself to put up more floor mats when it rains. Especially when the direction of rain (or storm) is towards the window. haiz.

I know this entry is pointless, i just dont want this place to turn dusty.

2008-01-12T12:59:00.000+08:00

01. Sarangarhi romanization by: sabby ~nbk~ (also credit: aheeyah.com)

Guriultte nungamumyon do jalboinun guronsaram
ijuryo hago jiuryo hamyon do manhi senggag nanun saram

Gusaram kkog olkkorago negasume heroun gojidmarul hago
kkog olkkoranun marun anhetjiman gidarilsubakken obnun saram

Nomuna manhi saranghan joe nol nomuna manhi saranghan joe
nan noroinhe gu joeroinhe gidarimul alhgo itdago
nega do manhi saranghan joe nol nomuna manhi guriwohan joe
nan noroinhe gu joeroinhe nunmullo alhgo itdago irohge

Gusaram kkog olkkorago negasume heroun gojidmarul hago
kkog olkkoranun marun anhetjiman gidarilsubakken obnun saram

Nomuna manhi saranghan joe nol nomuna manhi saranghan joe
nan noroinhe gu joeroinhe gidarimul alhgo itdago
nega do manhi saranghan joe nol nomuna manhi guriwohan joe
nan noroinhe gu joeroinhe nunmullo alhgo itdago

Heojim jom pparun sarang ijhyojimun nul dodinsarang
nul naegeman nul mojinsarang na honja alhgo issotdago

Gude narul irohge molli ttonagayaman henni gude narul irohge molli ttonagayaman henni
Gunyang nemogsumdabachyo saranghalkkol ijen naridgo saragal mujonghan no gunyang nejonbul dabachyo saranghalkkol ijen narilhgo saragal no

Nemogsum dabachyoso saranghal saram
negenun nunmulman jugo gan saram
nul naegeman nul mojinsarang na honja alhgo issotdago

Nega do manhi saranghan joe nol nomuna manhi guriwo han joe
nan noroinhe gu joeroinhe nunmullo alhgo itdago irohge

I LURVE this song. This guy's voice is so sexy for an 18 yr old. By the way, all the band members in this group are around this age, at least that's what my sister told me.

Ahh...i love k-drama..

2008-01-08T21:00:00.000+08:00

Since i still dont know how to put in videos from youtube, i'll just have to be content with this...

bloody tuuuttt....

Jigsaw Falling into Place
Just as you take my hand

Just as you write my number down

Just as the drinks arrive

Just as they play your favourite song

As your blather disappears

No longer wound up like a spring

Before you've had too much

Come back and focus again

The walls abandon shape

You've got a cheshire cat grin

All blurring into one

This place is on a mission

Before the night owl

Before the animal noises

Closed circuit cameras

Before you're comatose

Before you run away from me

Before you're lost between the notes

The beat goes round and round

I never really got there

I just pretended that I had

What's the point of instruments

Words are a sawed off shotgun

Come on and let it out

Before you run away from me

Before you're lost between the notes

Before you take the mic

Just as you dance, dance, dance

Jigsaws falling into place

There is nothing to explain

Regard each other as you pass

She looks back, you look back

Not just once

Not just twice

Wish away your nightmare

Wish away the nightmare

You've got a light you can feel it on your back

Jigsaws falling into place

A really fucking good song, which i just cant stop replaying over and over and over again on my mp3. The videoclip for this is so cool, the one where they have the camera strapped to their heads, facing them. Thom had that funny cheshire grin while he was humming away. Oh yar, another song is Bodysnatchers. Both these songs haunt me in my sleep. I hum to it in the toilet, on the bus, on the train, in the lift. Well, i tried to dance to it in the lift(i was alone,duh)yesterday night, but stopped halfway cos i was afraid the lift would stop and i'll be stuck in there with no one to help me...choy!!!!!

Anyway, something happened yesterday,i was a bit disgusted by it.. It's not as if i was wearing a bikini and flaunting my butt. Sheesh..and it happened twice. If i were him, i'd stick to catcalls if i dont want a shoe lodged permanently in my throat.

ergh....

2007-12-28T23:15:00.000+08:00

Nothing much has changed actually. Though i believe that i've become a bit more outspoken with strangers. Nothing wrong with that right? But it still feels strange, it doesnt feel like me yet it's what i've become. No, i dont fake being happy talking to people but after the conversation ends, im back to being sort-of depressed.

i dont even know why that is so. Its like an emptiness swelling inside, you know its there but you cant do anything about it. Actually, you dont know what to do about it. I was accused of being in love a few weeks ago, due to my unattentiveness at work. But really, what was consuming my thoughts was that there were so many things to do and yet there's nothing much to do. Just like there are a trillion things to think about yet it amounts to nothing, when you really sit down and think about it.

So many things to think about, so many ideas to express but im stuck. i cant move at all. I want to talk but i dont know where to start. I want to paint but i cant decide on what to paint or how to. I want to do so many things,making my own dress, paint a portrait, design my blog, take pictures of sceneries or just walk around town.

Its very LOUD inside. So many chances to do and change so many things. But i just cant get my mind to start on it.

AND SO I FEEL LAZY AGAIN...

2007-12-25T23:01:00.000+08:00

i wish i was at home with the 2 buggers, playing spongebob monopoly or just watching tv. Yeah, im blaming it on the festive and rainy season for making me lazy and lethargic. Im left with 3 projects to complete, 3 this month(2 at airport) and one next month at NUH. And since its the end of the year, im back to questioning what i really want out of life. Haiz. But that post will be up later, much later.

This year has been quite an exciting one. I think i have grown a bit more mature, just a teensy bit though. And i think kids find me cute, or maybe weird? I get stared at by kids whenever i go out. Mum has noticed that recently. Kids looking at me with mouths wide open or some of them stealing glances at me. They keep looking at me, waiting for something to happen. Maybe they are hoping for me to burst into a million bubbles, or lollipops or chocolates??? Maybe im just too cute lah..haha..

Maybe next time, i should ask them why they keep staring??? I hope the answer is not what i think it is....

aiyayayayaya

2007-12-19T21:50:00.000+08:00

There's exactly 12 more days to the end of the year!!!!

And yeah, its hari raya haji tomorrow. Im sooo gonna stuff my face with the kway teow goreng that i requested from my aunt. Maybe they will karaoke again and i will end up at the dining table gobbling everything on the table while they scream their lungs out. haha. By the way, last night's dinner of indian kway teow wasnt satisfying, i burnt my mouth while gobbling it all up just seconds after it was served. And i think i bit into clumps of salt. YUCK!

Im in the mood to catch a movie, to shop till i drop, to eat till i cant walk...but im on the brink of brokedom. But i still have so much shopping (and bill paying) to do...Money, i need LOADS OF IT!!!!!!

And i need to start a new year's resolution list, and shopping list, work list, things to eat list, places to go list, et cetera, etcetera, etcetera....

and so im tired

2007-11-23T18:52:00.000+08:00

It has been a hell of a week, whereby my tuesdays and wednesdays were for site meetings in the afternoon. Long meetings with contractors who keep asking you the same fucking question over and over again, main contractor who asks about the design of the counter after 3 months of holding onto my fucking design dwgs and s/steel contractor who wont pick up his fucking damn phone.

She talked to me about this. A long talk which in conclusion tells me not to blow up over these minions since they are replaceable. And i should not get upset over them because i do not owe them anything. Seriously, these people are bastards. Selfish bastards who look down on me just because im a girl and im small.

That bastard shouted at me in front of the MD. So i raised my voice at him. In order not to prolong the issue, i changed the subject and asked them to hold the fucking 'mock up' for me to take a picture of. And he had the guts to talk about me in chinese, when i was standing just 1m away from him!!!!

Can you just imagine the fury mounting up inside? I was so fucking pissed off i almost burst into tears. Not because he was badmouthing me, but because he was setting me up as THE FOOL in front of the client and other contractors. That son of a bitch twisted my words. Bloody fucker he is, he said he doesnt care if i want metallic paint as he will only give me epoxy paint. I felt like bashing his balls with the metal pipe on the floor.

The glass supplier told me not to be afraid when i went over to her mumbling all the curses that i can think of. I think she thought i was going to cry because i was afraid. Fucking hell no! I am not afraid anymore! I wanted to strangle that asshole!!!

Haiz...im tired, im broke, hungry and i have another week to deal with all the surprises those buggers will give me before the official opening. i dont know why the hell we are working with those irresponsible people on the first place.

Sometimes i wonder, what's the point in blogging if everything i ever wrote about nowadays is about anger and exhaustion...

i've got the blues..

2007-11-16T20:40:00.000+08:00

i've got friday blues...weird huh? i knew it, my happiness only lasts for a few days and then im back to my depressed/pissed off/negative mode. Aiya, what to do, its in the system. Maybe drinking coffee and lack of REAL FOOD is the reason for this. Speaking of which, below are my top 5 favourite REAL FOOD, which i can eat for breakfast, lunch and dinner..and its really no joke...

REAL FOOD list (FYI, photos are nicked from the internet) not in order of favourite..

1) Nasi Ayam,(with the soup of course, and dont give me plain water with garnishes disguised as soup)

2) Mee Rebus

3) Roti Prata telur (give me 5 please!! and please put some tulang, i want the sum sum..)
IM SO CRAVING FOR PRATA THIS WEEK!!!!!!!

4) Mee Soto (no shredded chicken, more noodles, lesser taugeh k?)

5) Nasi Lemak (please remember to put fried chicken, and i'd like the sunny side egg please)

So another one of my meaningless entries that just serves to make me hungrier. Her words to me before she flew off were to eat more. Well, that's what im trying to do leh..

i wanted to post darling's pix as a finale, but bloody blogger photo upload kept on hanging and if i use the normal photo upload, the last pictures will be first in the post,so will have to edit again. Mah fan right? Da happy2 nak post gambar, bole pek chek pulak... dahla aku nak sapedek..

oh la la la..

2007-11-15T14:33:00.000+08:00

Oh Chester, Chester, wherefore art thou Chester? I LAP YOU SOO MUCH LAH DEY!! Come back to Singapore soon!!!

HAHAHAHHAHHA...im still high from the Linkin Park's concert. It was a pity that we didnt get the 148 standing tix. Some of those buggers got to touch my darling, and they broke his necklace.. Argh, im still so jealous... if i were them, i'd have planted a huge kiss on his face instead....SERIOUS!!! So, the crowd in the pit wasnt bad at all, in fact, there was no shoving like the Muse gig, that's why im a bit sore that we didnt get those tix...haiz, what to do, maybe next time. And the energy was overwhelming, everyone was screaming out to all the songs. LINKIN PARK FANS UNITE!!!! haha..

so, more about my darling...OH.MY.GOD!!!!!! he was farking fantastic, fabulous, awesome lor... Damn it, he is so cute, his butt, his stage persona (so sexy!), his face, did i say his butt? oh yeah i did...alah, chester on the whole is cute lah, there's no denying it. And we were surprised that he wasnt short at all, maybe just a bit shorter than the other band members. The rest were freaking good as well, Phoenix went crazy on the guitar for the In Pieces song if im not wrong. But the nicest one was Brad, he remembered the people standing at the side view, and went over and waved at us a couple of times, so we dont feel left out... i wished chester had done more of that too..and he should've taken off his grey shirt too, cos he wore a long sleeved back and red striped shirt before that...oooh...chester half naked and sweating...droooollllzzzzzzzzzz..

So cute kan?????? My darling lah nie...haha

I was almost tempted to scream out 'i love you Chester!!!' but after hearing a guy ( A GUY, SCREAMING) scream out his name, i lost my urge to do it. On the whole, it was a surreal experience lah. Norain and i kept exclaiming that we cant believe we're at an LP concert. Its like a really, really nice dream. And for a split second, i almost wanted to cry as i felt so damn happy. BUT my number 1 dream is to get to take a pix with my darling...Life would be really complete once i get to do that...Hehehe....i wonder what it will turn out like..;p

The Boyfriend Quiz by quagix
Your Name:
His Name:
He fell in love with your:	Laugh
He loves your:	Shyness
You love his:	Smile
Together, you enjoy:	Playing computer games
His secret:	He loves romantic-comedies.
He likes it when you:	Are happy.
He thinks about you:	Most of the time.
You'll see him:	Tomorrow.
You'll be together for:	-ever!
Overall, your love is:	Touching.